Another Real Email

Back from vacation and digging out of a pile of emails. Like this one....... (Thank you for sending it to me!)


Well now THIS has GOT to be the ODDEST and LONGEST story to add to the Bizarre story of this plate that i can imagine!....i BELIEVE you mailed this a LONG LONG time ago....and i actually KNOW that it ARRIVED here a LONG LONG time ago also!....
HOWEVER...today it's actually REALLY HONESTLY HERE!....
here's what happened....i live in a small very rural town....everybody pretty much knows everyone else....i'm in the process of moving to an even MORE nowhere land in Northern North Dakota where my daughter's entire school only has 65 students (boy is SHE in for a culture shock!)...i've known about the move since my dream came true in January and i started packing then...and i'm STILL packing now (YIKES) and we are moving in 6 weeks....
sorry i just had to give you a background on this GORGEOUS and WONDERFUL plate you sent me (and probably thought i was a total JERK for not letting you know it arrived...which i WOULD have done IF i had KNOWN it arrived!)
so here's the most "Twilight Zone" story behind this.....(play the "da da da daaaa da da da daaa" Twilight Zone music for this! LOL
anyway....it seems that i wasn't home the day it was delivered...it was raining or sleeting or something nasty and my postmistress (who is also my next door neighbor down the road a piece as they say) didn't want to leave it and it didn't fit in my mailbox...ANYWAY whoever it was happened upon ANOTHER neighbor (down the road apiece in the opposite direction) was walking her dog (she AND the dog are about 90 years old ...in people AND in dog years i'm guessing LOL)...well SHE said she'd take the box and bring it to me when she figured i was back home....
that WOULD have been FINE except (now this is where it gets even MORE weird) her SISTER was ill in another state and it was unexpected SO she ended up going there for almost a month....THEN when she got home of course she wasn't thinking of the package that SHOULD have come to me...BUT
eventually she found it AND...
now this gets MORE unbelieveable...i wasn't home again BUT the person (my sort've ex boyfriend who broke the plate in the first place) was at the house moving packing boxes around....he took it AND put it in a box....a "TO BE MOVED" box....and forgot to tell me about it....
OK here is the only GOOD part of this....we were out at Flea Market/ Antique Show last weekend....on one of the tables was one of your Mudd Cat Mugs....it got me thinking about the plate you said you'd send me....i mentioned it to him and he said something like "hhhhmmmmm well there WAS this box about a century of months ago that some old lady dropped off that didn't get to you from a mailing and i don't know what happened to it? are you missing anything you were expecting??...well i said i wasn't EXPECTING ANYTHING but i was HOPING that you had had a chance to make me that plate....HE said he wondered what happened to it?...i said "I wonder what happened to that BOX?!?!" he said he THOUGHT it might have ended up in a PACKED box...and i said (ok NOT that nicely)..."WELL WE BETTER FIND that box!!!"
.....(intermission here)....to let you know that there are OVER 150 boxes all packed floor to ceiling in an empty guest room right now...and MOST of them were packed in the last 2 months which MEANT that the "Probable" box this might have been packed in was at the VERY BACK of the room behind about 120 boxes more RECENTLY packed and stacked...did that make a difference to me?!?! NOT ONE BIT...now don't imagine that i hate men JUST because they are from another planet...not to mention my ex husband's 27 affairs in 17 years of marriage...just believe that THIS man (which is why he's my EX boyfriend) can be a bit dense....he said "well i guess you'll find out what's in the box when you get to ND"...my reply of course was..."H**# NO i won't....i will have it about 6 weeks BEFORE that!....SO)
to make this rediculously long story a BIT shorter as i'm SURE you don't want to hear about the 3 a.m. UNpacking and REpacking frenzy that went on here for the last 4 nights....about BOX #132 opened and VOILA an unopened box WHICH (like the end of pandora's box) held A GORGEOUS Feline Groovy Plate that is WONDERFUL BEAUTIFUL AND makes my heart sing!
i'm leaving it displayed until i move as i will pack it last again so i can look at it now and enjoy it SO MUCH!!!...it's got the most PERFECT NEW home in MY new home to be looked at every day...i know JUST where it's going to be on the wall....a place of high honor near to it's Poodle with a Mohawk (they are great friends now)....i can't EVER thank you enough....i wish the BEST to you and your daughter (MY this age is hard!!!!! mine is 12).....you are every explative that's goddess like that i can't think of now but will CERTAINLY continue to think of every time i look at this gorgeous plate!
i don't know what i could ever do to repay you....but you name it and i'll do it....i'm an ex college professor of creative writing and english lit (i'm great at editing writing)...i had to retire because of MS...i make weird and funky glass jewelry and sun catchers....my quilts are more like "Martha Stwart on Drugs" but SOME people like them (ok ok I like them anyway LOL)....and if you're ever in Northern North Dakota i'm an excellent cook and there's a REALLY nice guest room too!
or ALL of the above LOL
thank you thank you thank you
may all your dreams come true too
JL

We're Off Again!

What's with the "test" blog below you ask? (Well, actually--YOU didn't ask, Tash did. YOU never ask me anything. More about that later.)

The Veaseys are heading out of town today to sunny Charleston for a week. We're leaving Yillman and the seven rotweillers in charge as usual. (Hopefully I will not forget to post my address and the location of my silver.) In an effort to find coverage for this blog in my absence, I was testing my capability to snatch images and content from other blogs and post them here. And just like there was a learning curve in the mastery of copying Susan Miller's History exam answers upside down and backward while in High School, it's going to take a while before I can easily cheat the Blogger Man.

Why Worry you ask? (Well, actually--YOU didn't ask. Again. You personify the sound of silence.) A check of this blogs stats shows that I have almost 1600 readers to date! 1600 readers... and only 3 people comment.

Which means you guys like to use me for your pleasure and then not speak to me afterwards.....HEY THIS IS JUST LIKE COLLEGE! (sorry, Dad.)

So I am bringing a laptop with us.

Test

see more crazy cat pics">

Mama's Got a Boo Boo

Scene: 6:30 a.m. at the Veasey household. Last night's dinner dishes line the counter. Kip & Lorrie stand together at the kitchen table, looking at mysterious packets that arrived from their insurance company.

LORRIE: What does it say?
KIP: I'm trying to read it.
LORRIE: What are these things for?
KIP: I'm trying to figure out the directions.
LORRIE: This does not look good. What is this thing?
KIP: STOP MESSING UP THE STUFF.

Kip picks up a small plastic thingamabob and holds it against his middle finger and pushes a hidden button. Instantly blood begins to pour from his self inflicted wound. He holds the injured finger over a piece of cardboard with three circles on it and begins to fill each space with blood.

LORRIE: Did that hurt?
KIP: It hurt like a Mother.
LORRIE: You should do mine then, cause I'm not doing it.
KIP: You have to do it.
LORRIE: No I don't. We eat basically the same thing--our cholesterol should be pretty even.
KIP: You have to do it for the insurance company.
LORRIE: COME ON. I WOULD GIVE YOU MY PEE IF IT WERE RANDOM DRUG TESTING--GIVE ME YOUR BLOOD.
KIP: You gotta do it.
LORRIE: I'm NOT GONNA DO IT!

KIp grabs Lorrie's arm and the two wrestle about the kitchen. There is much sweating and swearing. Finally Kip manages to pin Lorrie's arm down on the table and jams the metal lance into the tiny sensitive pad of her finger. Blood splurts. She collapses, betrayed and defeated, and allows him to drip her lifeblood onto the three tiny circles on the card that he will send to the insurance company.

LORRIE: I can't believe you just did that to me.
KIP: For the record, I'm not going with you when you have to get a colonoscopy.

Off into the Funset

I leave tomorrow to go to Ft. Lauderdale and film an episode of DESIGNING SPACES for The Learning Channel. I'll be appearing on an episode as AN EXPERT ON GIFTS FOR NEW PARENTS which is funny because I am usually the one handing an unwrapped gift card and an apology to a friend when the child is about two years old.

I did all the things I hate in preparation for this appearance: like SHAVE MY LEGS AND PLUCK MY EYEBROWS. Well, actually i shaved my eyebrows because it's a lot quicker and a heckuva lot less painful. The downside is that hair then grows all over your eyelids--but that's a small price to pay to avoid the tweezers.

I also got a fancy Spray On Tan in a booth which took me right back to the days of my childhood-- standing in the backyard with my arms straight out at either side while my mother sprayed me with bug spray. No matter how tight as I locked up my lips I would still taste that stuff in my mouth for hours afterwards. I'd like to say that Spray On Tan tastes a little bit like chicken...but it doesn't.

I also stopped at a trendy little boutique store to possibly buy something that I did not need. As I stood over a display of leggings--wondering if there was anyway I could possibly pull off a pair of footless tights--the 20 something sales clerk strolled right up to me and announced in a voice filled with Excitement Just For Me : WE JUST GOT READING GLASSES IN!

Cripes

How often do you get to open up your email and see the following:


The following message was sent from ournameismud.com by Jesus:

Hello, my name is Jesus <>, and I am writing from Iraq.

What follows is a long email request for a cereal bowl for his girlfriend, which I will make--because I was tickled to say I got an email from Jesus, and happy to let my agnostic friends know that He is alive and well and currently in Iraq.

My Little Chica

We took Annie and Jesse to a new park this weekend. A small group of children were playing together and speaking in Spanish. Annie watched for a moment and then went up to the group.
"HOLA." She said shyly to one child.
"HOLA" She repeated, louder to another.
"HOLA! HOLA! HOLA!" She cried out to the dark haired children who ran in circles around her, but did not acknowledge her greeting.

"You're not Spanish!" one of them finally called to her, before climbing up the slide.
Annie turned to me, crestfallen.
"But I FEEL Spanish" she said.

PART ONE: MEET THE PARENTS

It is always interesting to see yourself through the eyes of your children. In my mind, Annie and Jesse picture me as a stunning blonde, fabulously creative and uber patient--prancing through a field of flowers leaving a trail of homemade chocolate chip cookies and kisses that make everything all better.

So it was a shocking blow to see that Jesse had included my track marks in this portrait he did of me recently.

However...I think I fared better than my better half....

PART TWO: MEET THE PARENTS

(Continued from above)

Who-as you can see--needs to start shaving his neck, and has been smoking so much of the ganja that his eyes are a lovely shade of red.

ACTUAL conversation this weekend

An Honest-to-Gosh conversation, word for word, with Jesse and Annie yesterday:

ME: Do you guys know what that yellow bush is called?
JESSE: Daffodils
ANNIE: Potpourri
ME: Forsythia
ANNIE: Who's Sythia?
JESSE: Mom, when can we go to A capella?
ME: It's a flower; Forsythia
JESSE: No it's not-it's in Mexico.

The Art in My Office- A Series

Many people assume that because I work in a creative field that I have taste outside of my mouth. They imagine me in a room painted in tasteful colors, surrounded by carefully selected objects d'art. What a disappointment it must be to find me in my little office; which is actually decorated with stuff like the unused High School Musical wrapping paper from Jesse's birthday and half eaten packages of rice cakes.

I had some difficulties posting this series. To begin with, my iphone camera lense is like a little electric bellybutton with a major lint problem. I don't know what I got in there: but it was certainly greasy with a hint of sand--so all of these photos will look a bit fuzzy; for that reason I strongly recommend drinking heavily before viewing.

Blogger also took about nine years to upload each image--so by the time you are reading this, I have moved to a corner office in a skyscraper somewhere and I have a glass topped desk and a painting of a naked spanish lady over my leather couch.

More Art in my Office- Cats by Denitza

This is an amazing painting given to me by Denitza, who is an incredibly talented artist with a great website at www.denitza-nyc.com

This is a painting of Lenny & Boots. Boots is the pretty one with the green eyes. They were our studio cats at my old studio which was infested with mice. Boots fell in love with Dan--a sit on your lap mew to be petted constantly kind of love--and he took her home to live with him when we moved to our new space.

Lenny stayed with me, although we really should seek some kind of counseling. Somedays I don't know if he truly loves me or if I am just his catnip dealer. Lately in the middle of a phone conference with My Boss he will sneak onto the table behind me and jump onto my back and shoulders-causing me to drop the phone and swear loudly. My Boss thinks I have Tourettes.

More Art in my Office- Jesse

Here is a recent painting by my (newly turned) 7 year old. I don't know if the incredible detail will show up on this blog: I am waiting for them to invent the iphone with FLASH. Please get right on that, people at apple.

Anyway- we feel there is a good possibility that Jesse will grow up to do something artistic. It's not just the paintings and sculptures he makes...it's that he continues to pursue a line of questioning that often starts with "Mommy, what would happen if I decided that what I wanted to be when I grew up was someone who didn't work?"

More Art in my Office- Denitza's Trees

I do have a window in my office with a lovely view of a brick wall. Denitza gave me this painting as a gift, and when I look at it I can almost feel myself in a lush black and white forest.

The Art In My Office-Last in the Series

This is a portrait done by a former employee named Stephan--who was creative and imaginative and very artistic but was also unfortunately a bit of dyslexic-which tripped him up when he had to do the final proof of our catalog and well...SORRY WE FIRED YOU STEPHAN BUT I STILL LOVE THE PAINTING.

That would be me in the center with flowing locks of hair, and in a stunning kiss-ass move, Stephan has me looking about 25 pounds thinner than I am in real life. Around me are: Judith (works across the street now) Connie (Moved to Florida but still drunk emails me) Andrea (we don't speak) Nasan (Somewhere in the Midwest now-much missed) Dan (Still here. Yep still here. No really-it's been like 11 years and he is still here.) and Denitza (still my girl.) I have always been lucky to be surrounded by the greatest people.

The Plague Comes To VeaseyTown

I read once that nothing fights a nasty virus like a DIET HIGH IN FAT. I embraced that doctrine wholeheartedly (pondering it over a half gallon of Ben & Jerry's) -because type two diabetes and heart attacks aside--I will do anything to avoid a flu bug. However-this particular germ that has been stalking us and has kept my children out of school for two weeks and ruined a perfectly good plan to play hookey at Disneyland--caught up with me yesterday morning and knocked me on my keister just in time to ruin Easter.

The thing about being a Mom and being sick is that there is NOWHERE TO RUN TO, BABY...NOWHERE TO HIDE. If you lay on your bed, curled in a fetal position, a child will find you and ask to cuddle. If you try to escape to the bathroom they will stand outside the door pleading an emergency of their own. So while Kip did his best to run interference for me, I escaped to the one place I thought they might not look for me: in their own room. I fell fast asleep in Annie's toddler bed, my body bent at an impossible angle. Only to be awakened moments later by Jesse, who stood beside me and repetitively thrust the ear thermometer in my ear, checking me for fever, grinding it INTO MY BRAIN, asking "is 104 bad or good Mom?"

Later, I sat beside Annie on the couch watching the thirteenth episode of Sponge Bob and sharing a box of tissues with her. She is still unwell herself, and at one point sneezed loudly. Her exact words were: "Merciful Heavens, this cold has got to end." If I were not so doped up on sudafed, I might ask her where she picked the whole "Merciful Heavens" thing up.

And we'rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre Back: and just in time to help Tibet

We are back. I am doing my best to eradicate several memories associated with this particular vacation--such as hotel waste baskets full of child vomit and 4 am fever wake up calls, but I am unsure as to wether or not ENOUGH WINE EXISTS IN THIS WORLD. So we shall talk no more of it--and if I win the award for Worst Vacation Ever it better not be a trip to Disneyland. Shout out to my girl Christine for sitting in for me as Guest Blogger so that I could continue my slow climb up the Google search engines, as well as keep all 3 of my readers entertained in my absence...although it's really 2 readers since Christine is reader number 3, so I am not sure if she counts.

I do my best to be the COOL WHIP of blogs. And you know if you eat a bowl of it--often served as dinner at Chez Veasey--that while sweet, cool and uber whipped; it is all air and NO SUBSTANCE. So I avoid typing the words Obama and Empty Rhetoric in the same sentence, or crafting a discourse on this Stupid War, or even weighing in on Global Warming except to occassionally mention that Al Gore has just gotten so much better looking with age. I mean, I know everyone is all like George Clooney is The Man-but for me it's All Al. That would be the sound of my ice caps melting.

My friend Sophie is verrrrry smart and verrrry English and sometimes she is both together--like when she wears "wellies with heels." She emailed the following about what's happening in another neck of the woods (not ours)

Dear friends,

After decades of suffering, the Tibetan people have burst onto the streets in protests and riots. The spotlight of the upcoming Olympic Games is now on China, and Tibetan Nobel peace prize winner the Dalai Lama is calling to end all violence through restraint and dialogue--he urgently needs the world's people to support him.

China's leaders are lashing out publicly at the Dalai Lama--but we're told many Chinese officials believe dialogue is the best hope for stability in Tibet. China's leadership is right now considering a crucial choice between crackdown and dialogue that could determine Tibet's--and China's--future.

We can affect this historic choice--China does care about its international reputation, and we can help them choose the right path. China's President Hu Jintao needs to hear that the 'Made in China' brand and the upcoming Olympics in Beijing will succeed only if he makes the right choice. But it will take an avalanche of global people power to get his attention. Click below now to join 250,000 others and sign the petition--and tell absolutely everyone you can right away--our goal is 1 million voices united for Tibet:

http://www.avaaz.org/en/tibet_end_the_violence/20.php

China's economy is dependent on "Made in China" exports that we all buy, and the government is keen to make the Olympics in Beijing this summer a celebration of a new and respected China. China is also a sprawling, diverse country with much brutality in its past. And it has good reasons to be concerned about stability -- some of Tibet's rioters killed innocent people. But President Hu must recognize that the greatest danger to Chinese stability and development today comes from hardliners who advocate escalating repression, not from those Tibetans seeking dialogue and reform.

We will deliver our petition directly to Chinese officials in New York, London and Beijing, but it must be a massive number before we deliver the petition. Please forward this email to your address book with a note explaining to your friends why this is important, or use our tell-a-friend tool to email your address book--it will come up after you sign.

The Tibetan people have suffered quietly for decades. It is finally their moment to speak--we must help them be heard.

With hope and respect,

Ricken, Iain, Graziela, Paul, Galit, Pascal, Milena, Ben and the whole Avaaz team

Here are some links with more information on the Tibetan protests and the Chinese response:

Crackdown in Tibet, but protests spreading:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/mar/19/tibet.china
http://www.theage.com.au/news/world/crackdown-on-protests-widens/2008/03/17/1205602289349.html

Dalai Lama calling for dialogue and restraint, and an end to violence:
http://www.dalailama.com/news.216.htm
http://www.agi.it/world/news/200803191258-pol-ren0032-art.html

Leaders across Europe and Asia starting to back dialogue as the way forward:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/7300157.stm

Chinese Prime Minister attacks "Dalai clique", leaves door open for talks:
http://news.xinhuanet.com/english/2008-03/18/content_7813194.htm

Other Chinese signals:
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/China_looks_at_India_to_talk_to_Dalai_Lama/articleshow/2875142.cms
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ABOUT AVAAZ
Avaaz.org is an independent, not-for-profit global campaigning organization that works to ensure that the views and values of the world's people inform global decision-making. (Avaaz means "voice" in many languages.) Avaaz receives no money from governments or corporations, and is staffed by a global team based in London, Rio de Janeiro, New York, Paris, Washington DC, and Geneva.

Christine's Last & Final Guest Blog

Today is St. Patrick’s Day. Considering I am half Irish (the good half!) I usually celebrate the occasion. I am also half German. This can be a lethal concoction when someone makes me VERY angry. “You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry”.. get it? The Hulk? (ooh! and he is green, how perfect!) LOL!

Anyway…unfortunately for me, in the words of our Lovely Lorrie, LIFE SUCKS EGGS! (sometimes), therefore I wasn’t doing any celebrating today. But that is okay, there is a GOOD reason.

Today was the day from 7734 (I know, I can act SO grade skool!). For those of you who aren’t familiar with 7734, get a calculator, type it in, and turn it upside down! LOL. I thought I would use the numerical version of the word so I wouldn’t get myself in trouble and be banned from possibly being a guest blogger in the future if the privilege ever arises again (ahem, hint….hint! *giggle*).

Today SUCKS because I am about to lose my mother to cancer. She has lung cancer and we believe her time has come. When I went to see her, my mother as I know her, wasn’t there. It was truly heartbreaking. She is on oxygen now, and is being made comfortable. My father is just beside himself. We all are. She is a fighter though. Now I know where I get it from. She will continue to fight too. It is unbelievable.

There is strength to be found in situations like this. Strength that you never knew you had. Although this is a very sad time, it is also one of awakening. Yeah, I have my occasional meltdown. And I tell myself that it is OKAY to feel. So today, after said meltdown, I told myself “okay, pick your butt UP, stand TALL, and move forward….and go indulge in some peanut butter and chocolate.” And that I did. Gertie hooked me up LOVELY! Let’s give a shout out to Gertie!

The Queen of Clay will be returning tomorrow! Yaaaaaaaayyy!! So this is Christine, signing off!

Happy St. Patrick’s Day! I hope everyone indulged themselves in some green beer(s). If you have any left, have one (or MANY) for me!
May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields,
And until we meet again,
May God hold you
In the palm of his hand

Guest Blog #4

Meet the REAL Squirtle!

Hello Mud fans! Yes, Christine is back with her 4th guest blog! I now think that this is becoming an obsession! I love it!

Today I thought I would introduce everyone to the REAL life Squirtle. For those of you who don’t know who the cartoon Squirtle is, he is a turtle who is part of the Pokemon team. I admit, I do not watch Pokemon. I became familiar with Squirtle while watching a Robot Chicken skit on Adult Swim. I never laughed so hard in my life. I almost wet my pants!

For me, Squirtle is not a cartoon nor a turtle. But he is VERY real and a godsend! Squirtle is my spray bottle that has THE only control over Creamy. Creamy hates him, but that is the idea! Sometimes all Squirtle has to do to control Creamy is give a good shake. There are times, however, when it is absolutely necessary for Squirtle to start spewing water all over the place. This does have its drawbacks.

For example, when Creamy is wet, EVERYTHING gets wet. It gets even better when, after battling it out with Squirtle, Creamy decides to roll around in the litter box and then lie on my bed. I SWEAR he plots these evil shenanigans!

Squirtle has been my best friend this morning. This cat is completely out of control today. Perhaps I can slap him up on eBay and throw in Squirtle for free! LOL! Naaaaaah, I love him! He is a Creamy kitten, there are many like him but this one is MINE!

It is obvious that Creamy did NOT drink decatf this morning!

Guest Blog #3

I Want To Be a Cat

Bonjour! Tis me Christine again! Can you tell I am just having the time of my life writing blogs? I think I am going to start my own! What fun! I didn’t realize how much I like to ramble!

I looked at my cat this evening, who is the CUTEST cat in the world in my eyes because I am his mommy, and I thought to myself…man, I want to be a cat! Here are the 10 reasons why I want to be a cat:

You are loved every single moment of every single day!
Someone feeds you. You don’t have to cook, EVER.
You don’t have to clean, do laundry, go grocery shopping, or pay bills.
You can sleep ALLLLL day, anywhere in the house convenient or not, and not get moved because you are just “too cute”.
You are loved every single moment of every single day!
Massages are available, anytime of the day, at your request.
You are given every type of treat made (known here as “num-nums”) no matter HOW you behave.
You still get something to eat when it is dinner time for your parents.
Someone cleans your “bathroom” every single day, throughout the day.
Oh yeah, did I mention you are loved every single moment of every single day?

As you can see my cat Creamy is completely worn out. This is from being B-A-D! He is constantly doing something bad when he isn’t sleeping. But he is just AWESOME! I LOVE him! However, I must admit that I REALLY like it when he sleeps because this means he is not eating my silk plants, opening the refrigerator, chewing on the remote controls, clawing at the glass on my entertainment center, chewing the strings on my guitars, running away with my writing utensils in his mouth, chewing on my text books, knocking everything off my nightstand, chewing on my toes while I am trying to sleep, chewing my laptop or mouse cord, chewing on my shoes, or hacking up hairballs a foot long. I know there is other bad stuff, but this is all I can think up at the immediate moment. Let’s just say I love it when my cat drinks decatf (lol)!

Yeah…I want to be a cat.