I love you and naps

Pet Peeve: bloggers that don't blog that write blogs about not blogging. So rather than apologizing yet again for leaving you fine people without my regular ramblings for lo these many months I will do exactly what I do every time I get on the scale... go cry into a Twinkie which is to promise to try to do better going forward.

Lots of Big Exciting Changes since last I wrote. At least three whole posts worth. Or six if I write realllllllly small.

First let me announce that Our Name is Mud has been given a make - over. I didn't think it was looking outdated in any way, but then again I am still wearing jeans that button up above my belly button so what do I know. Like everyone else in the cut throat, glamorous life of retail and wholesale, it's important for me to stay fresh- ahead of the trends, and in front of the pack. I'm sure you have watched enough Lifetime movies to know that a designer of a *ahem* certain age can find herself replaced by a young hip ingenue as quick as you can say Blake Lively--or, as I like to say while I adjust my shoulder pads: "Who The Heck is Blake Lively?"

We started at the roots. After all- that technique made a HUGE DIFFERENCE when I finally went back into the beauty parlor after being AWOL for eight ten many months. The roots of Our Name is Mud have their origins in my writing. And by writing I don't mean my clever witty turn of phrase. I mean: That MiX oF UPPeR CaSe aND LoWeR CaSe LeTTeRS THaT DeFiNeD MaNY oF My iTeMS.

Here's an old Our Name is Mud piece

When Our Name is Mud was first launched, the fact that I could paint lettering made me stand out from the crowd. I was known as "That Girl Who Could Paint Lettering." This was back in the day where we had a different kind of television--one that we called BOOKS. But I digress. The only constant is change. And so, ladies and gentlemen- if you are ready for the big reveal here it is-- the new Our Name is Mud

I'm happy about the change. Really happy. The same way I felt happy when watching a Jerry Springer episode that featured a really large girl who insisted on wearing a spandex mini and a tube top and the experts put her into a nice crisp suit and gave her a haircut and everyone in the audience just goes "ahhhhhhhhhhhhh." I think this new font is more "ME" even though it is less me. It is the Me I strive to Be. Here it is again if you missed it he first time.

Old Our Name is Mud

New Our Name is Mud

It's still All About The Words--just now the words look a bit different. I bet you all are wondering about MY makeover. Well.....

One Sentence Book Reviews

It's that time again chickens... time to boil down the response to whatever you've been reading to one sentence. Here are my recent reads:



The House at Riverton by Kate Morton.

Imagine The Great Gatsby as an ABC Afternoon School Special, starring Colin Firth as the sensitive English aristocrat and Cloris Leachman as that woman who appears in the segments that bracket the captivating literary device known as zzzzzzzzzzz the FLASHBACK and..........sorry old chap, I must have nodded off while we were discussing Word War I- bloody shame that.



The Room by Emma Donoghue

I loved this book about a woman held captive with her child in a shed for five years although it made me feel a little bit guilty about the fact that sometimes I can barely get through the weekend without feeling like I need some space from my own spawn.

The Daughter of Smoke and Bone by Laini Taylor
An Angel and Devil fall in love but (surprisingly) their love is doomed because (surprise again) they come from different worlds and (surprise again) their love is forbidden and thus young adults are introduced to the Montagues and Capulets but this time Romeo is not wearing a shirt, and has wings.


The Kitchen House by Kathleen Grisson

This vast tale of a white indentured servant raised amongst slaves in the south is often suggested as a must read to folks who loved "The Help" and while it is a fairly enjoyable read, it loses steam towards the end- as if the writer finished the bottle of wine with two chapters still to go and just wanted to go to bed.

Speaking of which....

What are you reading? Leave your one sentence book review in the comments.

SiGNS o THe TiMeS

Sometimes all you need is a marker to make a little magic happen! Here are my favorite "improvements" made to signage.....

LoVe LieS

You know how at the beginning of many movies from the 80s, the plan is to tell a little white lie- a tiny falsehood -i.e. Bernie isn't really dead, Ferris has swine flu--and oh, how tangled the web becomes woven as the hilarious hijinks ensue?

This is what has now happened at Chez Veasey with the LEGEND OF THE VALENTINE PIXIE.





The Valentine Pixie is a tradition I enjoyed as a child and as a result I wanted to pass it on down to The Spawn. The Valentine Pixie was a little fairy that rang the doorbell several times during the day on February 14th and left presents on the doorstep. I have very fond memories of this tradition and don't remember when it ended for me- I also do not remember saying anything like "WHY DOES THIS BOX OF CHOCOLATE SAY $6.99 ON IT?" Even as a youngster I knew not to question any tradition that involved Getting Stuff. Which is why I still got $5.00 under my pillow when I had a wisdom tooth out at 32. Yay Me.



But The Spawn are cut from a different cloth. A questioning/seeking/actually want to understand how electricity works kind of cloth. So around 4 years ago the questions started.

FEBRUARY 2009 INQUISITION
THE SPAWN: Why is it that other children do not have The Valentine Pixie?
ME: Because all the other children in the world are rotten and horrible and you are not.
THE SPAWN: OK, we'll buy that. I hope we get candy.

FEBRUARY 2010 INQUISITION
THE SPAWN: Why is it that other children do not have The Valentine Pixie?
ME: Because we come from Belgium.
THE SPAWN: OK, we'll buy that. We still think Europe is the name of a country. I hope we get candy.



FEBRUARY 2011 INQUISITION
THE SPAWN: Why is it that other children do not have The Valentine Pixie?
ME: I told you--because we come from Belgium.
THE SPAWN: Where in Belgium? Can we Google it?
ME: A place in Belgium that is so small that it is really just a hill. With only four families and their goats living on it. High on a hill. And everybody there has a dimple in their chin and looks just like you.
THE SPAWN: And what is the name of this town in Belgium we come from?
ME: Ummmm.......Brigadoon.
THE SPAWN: OK, we'll buy that. And probably put it into a Social Studies report later this year, leading to an embarrassing confrontation with a teacher who will ask if we are related to Gene Kelley. I hope we get candy.




FEBRUARY 2012 INQUISITION
THE SPAWN: Why is it that other children do not have The Valentine Pixie? We met some other people who said they were from Belgium and they don't have the Valentine Pixie.
ME: It's because they were from Belgium, but they weren't Belgish.
THE SPAWN: So what were they then?
ME: Liars.
THE SPAWN: But then why does the Valentine Pixie get stuff from Target?
ME: The Belgish were archers. Did I tell you they used to feed their goats glitter?
THE SPAWN: How does the Valentine Pixie find the Belgish children all over the world?
ME: All Belgish children have microchips implanted in their brains at birth.
SEXYHUSBANOMINE: O for cripes sake, you'll warp these children for life.
THE SPAWN: Daddy are you Belgish too?
SEXYHUSBANOMINE: My people were Vikings.
ME: And you know what Daddy's Viking ancestors did on Valentines Day? Pillage.
THE SPAWN: PILLAGE? YUCK! We would not want to take medicine on Valentines Day. We are glad we are Belgish so that we CAN GET CANDY!




Happy Valentines day to you all--winners of the contest below please email me at LVMud 9at) aol dot com to collect your fabulous prize.

ArE YoU FoND oF OuR TeSTiCLeS???

5 - count 'em- FIVE lucky winners will win this snarky tile just by commenting. And since the average amount of comments a blog post gets here is about 3--ODDS ARE LOOKING PRETTY GOOD, CHICKENS. All you have to do is share this link:
http://ournameismud.com/tires-trouble-plaque.html
on your facebook, your twitter, your blog, or pin it on Pinterest. Post a link here in comments to your link and you are entered. Don't tweet or facebook or blog or pin? Hang a sign on that rock you live under and send us a picture by carrier pigeon. Winners are chosen at random and will be announced Wednesday February 8th at Noon EST.

SoMeoNe'S iN THe KiTCHeN WiTH LoRRie

I promised pictures of our new digs and here they are. Let's start the tour of Chez Veasey with the heart of our home...the kitchen. Here's what it looked like when we bought the house.

Perfectly usable kitchen, BUT Lots of Beige. And I am not a big fan of beige because it makes me look washed out. The floor was a lovely terra cotta tile and you could actually stand at the stove and practically reach into the fridge- which is convenient if you are trying to keep the wine chilled while you set the microwave to stun.

Here's another shot including our fabulous realtor. She looks a little washed out against all that beige, no?

Hmmm...what to do, what to do? Change the paint color? Buy new drapes? OR PERHAPS WE SHOULD......

That's what we did- took the room down to its studs. We can rebuild it. We can make it faster. We can make it stronger. (Insert theme from Six Million Dollar Man here.)
We put in a floor of dark cherry wood (not knowing what that would be like to clean later on), moved appliances, and made our own backsplash from 4 x 4 handmade tiles in several shades of blue and green. TA DA
We bought our table and chairs at Target and later jazzed them up with white vinyls from Etsy (shown in final picture). But that wall behind the table was so BIG. And our artwork (and budget) was so very very small.


The solution? We hit a bunch of tag sales and I made a bunch of paintings. We pulled everything together by using mostly black frames. And here is the result.
Really fun way to fill a big wall space.

OCCuPy OuR STReeT

DISCLAIMER: This is not a political post. Seriously. I haven't cared about politics since Tina Fey ran for president awhile ago. It is certainly not political satire. Because I would have to understand an issue before I poked fun at it--all I know about Occupy Wall Street is that there are A LOT of people and too few bathrooms. Hey.... wait a second...


Recently, a new movement found its way from Wall Street to the Walls of Chez Veasey. OCCUPY OUR STREET is a movement of 1% of The Spawn in protest of the 99% of the elitist, capitalistic parental units who head up the household. The protest was started by The Banana in response to events in which Household Leaders could not locate several hundred miscellaneous toys that were said to have been Quote: "In a box we haven't unpacked yet from our move 8 months ago" Unquote.



One source was reported as saying that one toy in particular, a very large FUR REAL horse that went by the name of Butterscotch, was unceremoniously chopped into small furry pieces in the dead of night and then whisked away Pre Dawn by NYC sanitation. "We Dextered that thing" the Source (who may or may not have been drunk at the time, and may or may not have been Sexyhusbandomine) is reported as saying. "Put the body parts out in several black plastic trash bags. Butterscotch sleeps with the fishes now."


Protesters, which include The Banana and two cats, also voiced extreme displeasure at the disappearance of a dozen toys that were once included in a Happy Meal. "Those were really special," sobbed the only protester capable of human speech. "I can't remember what they were and they might have been broken, but they were the most important thing in the world to me. Along with my collection of tags that I made Mom cut out of my shirts because they itched and....heyyyyy....wait a second....where is my tag collection?"


Other demands on the part of the two legged protester include:
- A ban of all cheese in the household
- Later bedtime if something good is on Teen Nick
- Socks that do not have the line in them at the toes

All three protesters agree and call for MORE BACON.

We do not know how long OCCUPY OUR STREET will last, but we have a feeling once it becomes boring, that Banana will be back to occupying Sesame Street. Where 99% of the cookies are consumed by 1% of the monsters, the few prosper while others live in a garbage can, and wages at Mr. Hooper's store have been frozen since 1982.

ArTsY SMaRTsY

I recently stepped out of my comfort zone and submitted three works of art to the local gallery for a show they were doing featuring local artists. I brought The Spawn to the opening night where they sipped sparkling cider in plastic cups while we walked around admiring the portraiture on the walls, and saying things like: "what the hell is that supposed to be?" and "are you kidding me? I wouldn't pay that much for a car!" and "That's evocative."

The experience rubbed off on The Banana, because I returned from work the other day and she greeted me in a little black dress and presented me with tickets to her own art opening--conveniently located on the second floor hallway of Chez Veasey.

THE BEACH : AVALON Annie Veasey $4,000,000

The hallway was filled with various works of art, all carefully hung with scotch tape and labeled with their clever titles and reasonable asking prices.

THE PEACE TREE By Annie Veasey $350,000,000


RANDOM SHAPE By Annie Veasey $45,000,099

I was glad to see that the art exhibition had been so educational for The Banana. She showed an understanding of even the most complicated gallery verbiage:


BLAH BLAH BLAH.

O I am so proud of my budding Freda Kohl. Or I will be. You know, after I scrape the scotch tape off of the newly painted white walls done in a flat white latex which shows every single fingerprint and hand print made by an artist who did not want to interrupt her creative flow by washing her hands between paintings.



Gosh, I sure hope Random Shape sells so we can afford the clean up.

The WiNNeR iS....

VERY HARD TO PICK A WINNER--so many great submissions and I wish I had seventeen tea for ones to give away!!

The winner is.....MEGS
Because girls just wanna have puns. I heart you and your witty turns of phrasing Megsy. Email me at LVMud (at) aol (dot) com with your address.

But nobody loses! There were so many great entries that ALL OF YOU get a prize. Email me at the email address above with your address--put CONSOLATION PRIZE in the subject line, and I will send you a little sumpin sumpin.

Thanks for playing you lovely creative people you. I am off to make an appearance in Atlanta this weekend. If you are at the Gift Show please stop by and see me in the Enesco showroom where I will be from 4-7pm on Saturday night. Hope to see you there!

FuNNy PRoDuCTs...NoT By Me

'Tis the season for Trade Shows Chickens, so soon I will reveal the ONIM January Launch--but before I do I'd like to take a moment and celebrate some other very fine products.



I love this axe keyholder! It sure would come in handy for all those times I lock myself in the house. Entire episodes of CSI could be written differently if every household had one of these.


Cat Refridgerator Magnet. Fridge got your tongue?

Sexyhusbandomine is getting this tie for Father's Day.


How about this fork with a built in pizza cutter for the snobby people that won't pick the slice up with their hands? Pretty cool idea. And if you were to give yourself a cut that required stitches you might not even notice until you were done with dinner and realized that wasn't tomato sauce.


This is a very clever way to thwart those people who try to use your mug at the office. What will they think up next? A way to protect my stapler? My tape dispenser? My daughter's virtue?



I'll have a ham on rye. TO GO. Seriously, I am a big believer in always packing a snack.

Now you can actually WIN one of these cool tea for ones! Do you have a creative/ridiculous/funny idea for a teapot? Just leave a 1-5 sentence description in the comments below describing it. A panel of judges (that would be me, my two cats and perhaps my 8 year old during a commercial break) will pick a winner on Thursday, January 12th. Winner will be notified by email, but winner's name will be published here. Entry may actually turn into a real product, in which case clever winner receives additional prize! One entry per person please. Runners Up may be awarded consolation prizes. Thinking caps on people. Extra points for correct use of grammar.

24/7 on HBO- STaRRiNG OVaL

Sexyhusbandomine was watching HBO the other night and caught this appearance of our Hockey Oval Platter on the show about the Rangers & Flyers rivalry.



The oval platter has since gotten an agent, booked its own reality show, and is currently still at a party with Lindsey Lohan.

PS I am a Philly girl now, so go Flyers.

OuR HouSe is A FiNe FiNe FiNe HouSe

What is the difference between an apartment and a house? I would have to say the biggest shock is going from a kitchen like this


To a kitchen like this


Which should make me feel like


But instead has me feeling like this


Thank Gawd we bought a barbeque and I can force The Spawn and Sexyhusbandomine to eat all meals outside from April-October. On paper plates. While I lay on my polished wood floors and stroke them lovingly and call them "My Precious."

Another difference between a house and an apartment? In New York we dealt with


The New Jersey Suburbian equivalent is this creature


Which, for those of you chickens who only have to contend with things like scorpions or black widows, is a bug called a STINKBUG.

The locals have made sure to tell us where the best grocery store is, how to get a pizza delivered, who to take The Spawn to for teeth cleanings, and then they lean in close, eyes darting furtively from side to side and in an ominous tone warn "AND DON'T EVER CRUSH A STINKBUG."

Sometimes this warning is accompanied by banjo music.

The thing is, you don't see these skittering across your laundry room floor attempting to grab your ankle like you do the bugs in New York City. No. You find these as little dead carcasses on windowsills or under chairs, in the corners of stairwell, or conveniently placed next to a trash can as if they were making a last ill fated attempt to reach the mound of magazines on the back of the toilet including the Victoria Secret catalog that Sexyhusbandomine has stated he wants to keep just so he can buy me presents and for No Other Reason.

And you know what the first thing I want to do when I see one of those guys laying on its back with their tiny little legs stuck up in the air?


But I fight that impulse the same way I fight the urge to laugh in church or make small talk in elevators or buy clothing from Forever 21. I tenderly pick up those little stinkers in a wad of soft tissue and carry them to their watery grave. But all the time, I just wanna....


Some compadres thought the biggest challenge in the move from Sodom to the Land of Big Kitchens would involve moving from a place where the hooch was readily available--liquor stores on every block--to a Quaker town which is "dry." Racie Lover told me I better have extra bathtubs put into the house for the amount of gin I was going to need to make. Turns out that one of the things I miss The Most about my old life is the ability to spot a creepy crawly, look around, and throw anything really heavy in the vicinity at it. Like a brick. Or a dictionary. Or Sexyhusbandomine's laptop. And then just leave it, sitting in the middle of the floor, for Sexyhusbandomine to come home and deal with. All the while trying to ignore the pathetic twitching of the visible antenna and blocking out the sounds of a small insect heart beating beneath my floorboards.