THE DALAI LAMA

The Dalai Lama does NOT work for Our Name is Mud, just FYI. To our knowledge he has not even once responded to our clever ads on Craig's List. If he did work here at the studio, my guess is he would be considerate enough to change the toilet paper rolls when they run out unlike CERTAIN PEOPLE who I have not yet blogged about. I also wonder if his alarm clock would mysteriously malfunction as often as CERTAIN PEOPLE who I may or may not have already blogged about. And finally, I wonder if he would forgive me if I continually called him the Deli Lama.

A friend sent me a chain E-mail. The kind that promises great things will happen in your life if you annoy other people with it; and says that if you don't, you and your loved ones are basically doomed. Haven't gotten one of those lately? Post your E-mail in the comments section-I have some influential people in Nigeria I'd like you to meet.

Anyhow, I decided to pass on the good words she sent me via this blog, which I figure should be good for at least winning the lottery next week.

HOW TO HAVE GOOD KARMA By The Dalai Lama
(Comments in parenthesis by yours truly)

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risks.
(But use protection anyway.)
2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
(But saying the dog ate it is never an excuse for not having your life lesson)
3. Follow the three R's: respect for self, respect for others, and responsibility for your actions. (Also Ritz crackers and red wine.)
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
(Sometimes I get tired of being so damn lucky all the time.)
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
(Better yet, write the rules yourself and then ignore them.)
6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great relationship.
(But remember that real friends aren't fragile-and if it's accurate criticism it is not criticism; it's just the truth.)
7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
(Hit "unsend.")
8. Spend some time alone every day
(Preferably not only in the bathroom while a two year old hammers on the door, crying "but I haf to go pwotty...")
9. Open arms to change, but don't let go of your values
(Change is good. Bills are better.)
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
("Yes, wife o' mine", is always an even better answer)
11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
(But if you drink enough, you might forget some of the bad parts.)
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
(don't put anything in the pipes that doesn't belong there.)
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
(Unless you are the wife. Then it is your job to make sure they never forget.)
14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
(Does that mean I'm not going to die because I blog?)
15. Be gentle with the earth.
(It's hard not to walk all over her though)
16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
(Especially if it is a sandy beach you have never seen before)
17. Remember that the best relationship is one which your love for each other exceeds your need for eachother.
(This is me and food in a nutshell.)
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
(I have always thought sleep was over rated anyway)
19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon
(On average, one time per week.)

Now where did I put that handbasket?