CLOWNS

In my previous post I wrote to a circus director that we both knew similar clowns. I need to go on the record that I meant ACTUAL CLOWNS. I was in no way referring to my family, co workers, friends, superiors, local union people or any ethnic or religious group I have had contact with in the past 44 years.

My friend Nancy Schwartz left Drew University, where we both were studying, to attend Clown College in Orlando. Nancy was four foot tall and she felt she could really carve out a future for herself if she could master the unicycle and learn how to cram thirty people into a Volkswagon Bug. I went to visit her on Spring Break and I can tell you that there's no fraternity in existence that can out-party the kids at Clown College. Two words: Naked Juggling.

As fun as that experience was, I admit to not being a fan of those who don the red rubber nose. Maybe it was Stephen King's book IT--in which he wrote graphically about a clown's face appearing in in the space between the sidewalk curb and the sewer grate. Maybe it was the fact that most children's party entertainers I met smelled of a mixture of flop sweat and beer. Or maybe it was Judy Collins singing ISN'T IT RICH, DON'T YOU AGREE. (Until recently I used to think she was singing ISN'T IT RICH, DON'T YOU LOVE TEA.)

Along with all the other odd proclivities and genetically programmed angst that I have passed on to Jesse, FEAR OF CLOWNS definitely ranks in the top 5 (Along with FEAR OF BALLOONS FLYING AWAY and FEAR OF CHOKING ON A PIECE OF POPCORN.) He was two the first time we encountered a band of them, randomly strolling on stilts through a restaurant, wearing clothing with patches and bright red smiles. Ours was the child that had to be physically removed from the setting, screaming hysterically at the top of his lungs, and obviously SCARRED FOR LIFE. Since then we must always be certain that anywhere we go is a CLOWN FREE ZONE.

Just like Pagliacci did
I try to keep my surface hid
Smiling in the crowd I try
But in a lonely room I cry
The tears of a clown

More Real Mail

The following message was sent from ournameismud.com by Al:

I recently received a gift from your company.  It is a desk plaque that reads "Impossible you say?  Nothing is impossible when you work for the circus."
I love it.  Do you know where that quote came from?  Who said it?  I'm more curious than anything else.  I am a circus director for Illinois State University. You see I actually do work for a circus and this motto applies to me very appropriately.  Any help on this issue would be great. 

sincerely,

Al


Hi Al!
Thanks for your Email. I'm so glad you like our plaque. As to who first said: "Impossible you say? Nothing is impossible when you work for the circus." the answer would be: Me. You see, I work for a circus too: except instead of three rings I have two different phone lines and a computer and instead of lions and tigers I have small children and an endless TO-DO LIST. But I think we both know similar clowns.


Kindest Regards,
Lorrie

Happy Mother's Day!

.
One of the ways that I try to balance Motherhood with Everything Else is to LIVE BY THE CALENDAR. It hangs prominently in the kitchen and Our Entire Lives are carefully noted on the Appropriate Dates. In addition to helping us avoid scheduling conflicts, we can be ready anytime Annie asks HOW MANY DAYS IS IT UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY--which is asked and answered at least three times weekly...for approximately eleven months at a time.

Lately, odd entries have appeared on certain dates. Last week, Tuesday May 13th, the entry read in bold letters: NO SCHOOL. I almost fell for it.... but in his eagerness Jesse had added the word "YAY" underneath.

Today is Mother's Day, and oddly enough the next two Thursdays are National Jesse and Annie Days. Apparently the calendar company has decided to add these holidays into May--along with the words "No Yelling Allowed."

Marry Sheree's Brother

(You can see a picture on Sheree's blog at www.musewarepottery.com)

This is my brother, Russell. He's 6'4" and around 210 lbs. He turned 50 on August 15, which makes him a Leo - fire sign - strong willed, opinionated, bossy, charming. He's handsome, wicked funny, a gifted musician and chronically single. While there is nothing actually wrong with him, he does work weird hours & often has to travel to make a living. The last time I counted, he had something like four (five?) cars and seven motorcycles. This alone may explain why he has never married. Who wants to park a block away?

This is a man who can fix just about anything - ok, your car or motorcycle but maybe not your broken furniture. He will make you laugh every day. He might cook you hot dogs or spaghetti but you'll have get the dishes out of the sink first. You'll need to seriously clean the bathroom. He'll write you a song and sing it to you and it will be poetic and romantic. You won't want to mess with his garage. I call it Man Land. And even though he tortured me as a child and I hated his guts, I'm very fond of him now so you'll have to share him. Our family is crazy. You'll need to be, too.

Back to Blog

Forgive me, dear readers, for leaving you hanging these past two weeks. Nothing really noteworthy happened this week with the exception of these two OMG moments:

I caught Jesse at the bathroom sink with a tube of self tanning cream that he mistook for Kip's hair gel.

and

I caught Jesse sitting at the keyboard hitting random keys--one of which happened to be DELETE--while my email was open on the screen. So if you haven't heard back from me, now you know why......

Another Real Email

Back from vacation and digging out of a pile of emails. Like this one....... (Thank you for sending it to me!)


Well now THIS has GOT to be the ODDEST and LONGEST story to add to the Bizarre story of this plate that i can imagine!....i BELIEVE you mailed this a LONG LONG time ago....and i actually KNOW that it ARRIVED here a LONG LONG time ago also!....
HOWEVER...today it's actually REALLY HONESTLY HERE!....
here's what happened....i live in a small very rural town....everybody pretty much knows everyone else....i'm in the process of moving to an even MORE nowhere land in Northern North Dakota where my daughter's entire school only has 65 students (boy is SHE in for a culture shock!)...i've known about the move since my dream came true in January and i started packing then...and i'm STILL packing now (YIKES) and we are moving in 6 weeks....
sorry i just had to give you a background on this GORGEOUS and WONDERFUL plate you sent me (and probably thought i was a total JERK for not letting you know it arrived...which i WOULD have done IF i had KNOWN it arrived!)
so here's the most "Twilight Zone" story behind this.....(play the "da da da daaaa da da da daaa" Twilight Zone music for this! LOL
anyway....it seems that i wasn't home the day it was delivered...it was raining or sleeting or something nasty and my postmistress (who is also my next door neighbor down the road a piece as they say) didn't want to leave it and it didn't fit in my mailbox...ANYWAY whoever it was happened upon ANOTHER neighbor (down the road apiece in the opposite direction) was walking her dog (she AND the dog are about 90 years old ...in people AND in dog years i'm guessing LOL)...well SHE said she'd take the box and bring it to me when she figured i was back home....
that WOULD have been FINE except (now this is where it gets even MORE weird) her SISTER was ill in another state and it was unexpected SO she ended up going there for almost a month....THEN when she got home of course she wasn't thinking of the package that SHOULD have come to me...BUT
eventually she found it AND...
now this gets MORE unbelieveable...i wasn't home again BUT the person (my sort've ex boyfriend who broke the plate in the first place) was at the house moving packing boxes around....he took it AND put it in a box....a "TO BE MOVED" box....and forgot to tell me about it....
OK here is the only GOOD part of this....we were out at Flea Market/ Antique Show last weekend....on one of the tables was one of your Mudd Cat Mugs....it got me thinking about the plate you said you'd send me....i mentioned it to him and he said something like "hhhhmmmmm well there WAS this box about a century of months ago that some old lady dropped off that didn't get to you from a mailing and i don't know what happened to it? are you missing anything you were expecting??...well i said i wasn't EXPECTING ANYTHING but i was HOPING that you had had a chance to make me that plate....HE said he wondered what happened to it?...i said "I wonder what happened to that BOX?!?!" he said he THOUGHT it might have ended up in a PACKED box...and i said (ok NOT that nicely)..."WELL WE BETTER FIND that box!!!"
.....(intermission here)....to let you know that there are OVER 150 boxes all packed floor to ceiling in an empty guest room right now...and MOST of them were packed in the last 2 months which MEANT that the "Probable" box this might have been packed in was at the VERY BACK of the room behind about 120 boxes more RECENTLY packed and stacked...did that make a difference to me?!?! NOT ONE BIT...now don't imagine that i hate men JUST because they are from another planet...not to mention my ex husband's 27 affairs in 17 years of marriage...just believe that THIS man (which is why he's my EX boyfriend) can be a bit dense....he said "well i guess you'll find out what's in the box when you get to ND"...my reply of course was..."H**# NO i won't....i will have it about 6 weeks BEFORE that!....SO)
to make this rediculously long story a BIT shorter as i'm SURE you don't want to hear about the 3 a.m. UNpacking and REpacking frenzy that went on here for the last 4 nights....about BOX #132 opened and VOILA an unopened box WHICH (like the end of pandora's box) held A GORGEOUS Feline Groovy Plate that is WONDERFUL BEAUTIFUL AND makes my heart sing!
i'm leaving it displayed until i move as i will pack it last again so i can look at it now and enjoy it SO MUCH!!!...it's got the most PERFECT NEW home in MY new home to be looked at every day...i know JUST where it's going to be on the wall....a place of high honor near to it's Poodle with a Mohawk (they are great friends now)....i can't EVER thank you enough....i wish the BEST to you and your daughter (MY this age is hard!!!!! mine is 12).....you are every explative that's goddess like that i can't think of now but will CERTAINLY continue to think of every time i look at this gorgeous plate!
i don't know what i could ever do to repay you....but you name it and i'll do it....i'm an ex college professor of creative writing and english lit (i'm great at editing writing)...i had to retire because of MS...i make weird and funky glass jewelry and sun catchers....my quilts are more like "Martha Stwart on Drugs" but SOME people like them (ok ok I like them anyway LOL)....and if you're ever in Northern North Dakota i'm an excellent cook and there's a REALLY nice guest room too!
or ALL of the above LOL
thank you thank you thank you
may all your dreams come true too
JL

We're Off Again!

What's with the "test" blog below you ask? (Well, actually--YOU didn't ask, Tash did. YOU never ask me anything. More about that later.)

The Veaseys are heading out of town today to sunny Charleston for a week. We're leaving Yillman and the seven rotweillers in charge as usual. (Hopefully I will not forget to post my address and the location of my silver.) In an effort to find coverage for this blog in my absence, I was testing my capability to snatch images and content from other blogs and post them here. And just like there was a learning curve in the mastery of copying Susan Miller's History exam answers upside down and backward while in High School, it's going to take a while before I can easily cheat the Blogger Man.

Why Worry you ask? (Well, actually--YOU didn't ask. Again. You personify the sound of silence.) A check of this blogs stats shows that I have almost 1600 readers to date! 1600 readers... and only 3 people comment.

Which means you guys like to use me for your pleasure and then not speak to me afterwards.....HEY THIS IS JUST LIKE COLLEGE! (sorry, Dad.)

So I am bringing a laptop with us.