Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Another Real Email

Back from vacation and digging out of a pile of emails. Like this one....... (Thank you for sending it to me!)

Well now THIS has GOT to be the ODDEST and LONGEST story to add to the Bizarre story of this plate that i can imagine!....i BELIEVE you mailed this a LONG LONG time ago....and i actually KNOW that it ARRIVED here a LONG LONG time ago also!.... it's actually REALLY HONESTLY HERE!....
here's what happened....i live in a small very rural town....everybody pretty much knows everyone else....i'm in the process of moving to an even MORE nowhere land in Northern North Dakota where my daughter's entire school only has 65 students (boy is SHE in for a culture shock!)...i've known about the move since my dream came true in January and i started packing then...and i'm STILL packing now (YIKES) and we are moving in 6 weeks....
sorry i just had to give you a background on this GORGEOUS and WONDERFUL plate you sent me (and probably thought i was a total JERK for not letting you know it arrived...which i WOULD have done IF i had KNOWN it arrived!)
so here's the most "Twilight Zone" story behind this.....(play the "da da da daaaa da da da daaa" Twilight Zone music for this! LOL seems that i wasn't home the day it was was raining or sleeting or something nasty and my postmistress (who is also my next door neighbor down the road a piece as they say) didn't want to leave it and it didn't fit in my mailbox...ANYWAY whoever it was happened upon ANOTHER neighbor (down the road apiece in the opposite direction) was walking her dog (she AND the dog are about 90 years old people AND in dog years i'm guessing LOL)...well SHE said she'd take the box and bring it to me when she figured i was back home....
that WOULD have been FINE except (now this is where it gets even MORE weird) her SISTER was ill in another state and it was unexpected SO she ended up going there for almost a month....THEN when she got home of course she wasn't thinking of the package that SHOULD have come to me...BUT
eventually she found it AND...
now this gets MORE unbelieveable...i wasn't home again BUT the person (my sort've ex boyfriend who broke the plate in the first place) was at the house moving packing boxes around....he took it AND put it in a box....a "TO BE MOVED" box....and forgot to tell me about it....
OK here is the only GOOD part of this....we were out at Flea Market/ Antique Show last weekend....on one of the tables was one of your Mudd Cat got me thinking about the plate you said you'd send me....i mentioned it to him and he said something like "hhhhmmmmm well there WAS this box about a century of months ago that some old lady dropped off that didn't get to you from a mailing and i don't know what happened to it? are you missing anything you were expecting??...well i said i wasn't EXPECTING ANYTHING but i was HOPING that you had had a chance to make me that plate....HE said he wondered what happened to it?...i said "I wonder what happened to that BOX?!?!" he said he THOUGHT it might have ended up in a PACKED box...and i said (ok NOT that nicely)..."WELL WE BETTER FIND that box!!!"
.....(intermission here) let you know that there are OVER 150 boxes all packed floor to ceiling in an empty guest room right now...and MOST of them were packed in the last 2 months which MEANT that the "Probable" box this might have been packed in was at the VERY BACK of the room behind about 120 boxes more RECENTLY packed and stacked...did that make a difference to me?!?! NOT ONE don't imagine that i hate men JUST because they are from another planet...not to mention my ex husband's 27 affairs in 17 years of marriage...just believe that THIS man (which is why he's my EX boyfriend) can be a bit dense....he said "well i guess you'll find out what's in the box when you get to ND" reply of course was..."H**# NO i won't....i will have it about 6 weeks BEFORE that!....SO)
to make this rediculously long story a BIT shorter as i'm SURE you don't want to hear about the 3 a.m. UNpacking and REpacking frenzy that went on here for the last 4 nights....about BOX #132 opened and VOILA an unopened box WHICH (like the end of pandora's box) held A GORGEOUS Feline Groovy Plate that is WONDERFUL BEAUTIFUL AND makes my heart sing!
i'm leaving it displayed until i move as i will pack it last again so i can look at it now and enjoy it SO MUCH!!!'s got the most PERFECT NEW home in MY new home to be looked at every day...i know JUST where it's going to be on the wall....a place of high honor near to it's Poodle with a Mohawk (they are great friends now)....i can't EVER thank you enough....i wish the BEST to you and your daughter (MY this age is hard!!!!! mine is 12) are every explative that's goddess like that i can't think of now but will CERTAINLY continue to think of every time i look at this gorgeous plate!
i don't know what i could ever do to repay you....but you name it and i'll do it....i'm an ex college professor of creative writing and english lit (i'm great at editing writing)...i had to retire because of MS...i make weird and funky glass jewelry and sun quilts are more like "Martha Stwart on Drugs" but SOME people like them (ok ok I like them anyway LOL)....and if you're ever in Northern North Dakota i'm an excellent cook and there's a REALLY nice guest room too!
or ALL of the above LOL
thank you thank you thank you
may all your dreams come true too

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

We're Off Again!

What's with the "test" blog below you ask? (Well, actually--YOU didn't ask, Tash did. YOU never ask me anything. More about that later.)

The Veaseys are heading out of town today to sunny Charleston for a week. We're leaving Yillman and the seven rotweillers in charge as usual. (Hopefully I will not forget to post my address and the location of my silver.) In an effort to find coverage for this blog in my absence, I was testing my capability to snatch images and content from other blogs and post them here. And just like there was a learning curve in the mastery of copying Susan Miller's History exam answers upside down and backward while in High School, it's going to take a while before I can easily cheat the Blogger Man.

Why Worry you ask? (Well, actually--YOU didn't ask. Again. You personify the sound of silence.) A check of this blogs stats shows that I have almost 1600 readers to date! 1600 readers... and only 3 people comment.

Which means you guys like to use me for your pleasure and then not speak to me afterwards.....HEY THIS IS JUST LIKE COLLEGE! (sorry, Dad.)

So I am bringing a laptop with us.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Mama's Got a Boo Boo

Scene: 6:30 a.m. at the Veasey household. Last night's dinner dishes line the counter. Kip & Lorrie stand together at the kitchen table, looking at mysterious packets that arrived from their insurance company.

LORRIE: What does it say?
KIP: I'm trying to read it.
LORRIE: What are these things for?
KIP: I'm trying to figure out the directions.
LORRIE: This does not look good. What is this thing?

Kip picks up a small plastic thingamabob and holds it against his middle finger and pushes a hidden button. Instantly blood begins to pour from his self inflicted wound. He holds the injured finger over a piece of cardboard with three circles on it and begins to fill each space with blood.

LORRIE: Did that hurt?
KIP: It hurt like a Mother.
LORRIE: You should do mine then, cause I'm not doing it.
KIP: You have to do it.
LORRIE: No I don't. We eat basically the same thing--our cholesterol should be pretty even.
KIP: You have to do it for the insurance company.
KIP: You gotta do it.

KIp grabs Lorrie's arm and the two wrestle about the kitchen. There is much sweating and swearing. Finally Kip manages to pin Lorrie's arm down on the table and jams the metal lance into the tiny sensitive pad of her finger. Blood splurts. She collapses, betrayed and defeated, and allows him to drip her lifeblood onto the three tiny circles on the card that he will send to the insurance company.

LORRIE: I can't believe you just did that to me.
KIP: For the record, I'm not going with you when you have to get a colonoscopy.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Off into the Funset

I leave tomorrow to go to Ft. Lauderdale and film an episode of DESIGNING SPACES for The Learning Channel. I'll be appearing on an episode as AN EXPERT ON GIFTS FOR NEW PARENTS which is funny because I am usually the one handing an unwrapped gift card and an apology to a friend when the child is about two years old.

I did all the things I hate in preparation for this appearance: like SHAVE MY LEGS AND PLUCK MY EYEBROWS. Well, actually i shaved my eyebrows because it's a lot quicker and a heckuva lot less painful. The downside is that hair then grows all over your eyelids--but that's a small price to pay to avoid the tweezers.

I also got a fancy Spray On Tan in a booth which took me right back to the days of my childhood-- standing in the backyard with my arms straight out at either side while my mother sprayed me with bug spray. No matter how tight as I locked up my lips I would still taste that stuff in my mouth for hours afterwards. I'd like to say that Spray On Tan tastes a little bit like chicken...but it doesn't.

I also stopped at a trendy little boutique store to possibly buy something that I did not need. As I stood over a display of leggings--wondering if there was anyway I could possibly pull off a pair of footless tights--the 20 something sales clerk strolled right up to me and announced in a voice filled with Excitement Just For Me : WE JUST GOT READING GLASSES IN!

Tuesday, April 08, 2008


How often do you get to open up your email and see the following:

The following message was sent from by Jesus:

Hello, my name is Jesus <>, and I am writing from Iraq.

What follows is a long email request for a cereal bowl for his girlfriend, which I will make--because I was tickled to say I got an email from Jesus, and happy to let my agnostic friends know that He is alive and well and currently in Iraq.

Monday, April 07, 2008

My Little Chica

We took Annie and Jesse to a new park this weekend. A small group of children were playing together and speaking in Spanish. Annie watched for a moment and then went up to the group.
"HOLA." She said shyly to one child.
"HOLA" She repeated, louder to another.
"HOLA! HOLA! HOLA!" She cried out to the dark haired children who ran in circles around her, but did not acknowledge her greeting.

"You're not Spanish!" one of them finally called to her, before climbing up the slide.
Annie turned to me, crestfallen.
"But I FEEL Spanish" she said.

Thursday, April 03, 2008


It is always interesting to see yourself through the eyes of your children. In my mind, Annie and Jesse picture me as a stunning blonde, fabulously creative and uber patient--prancing through a field of flowers leaving a trail of homemade chocolate chip cookies and kisses that make everything all better.

So it was a shocking blow to see that Jesse had included my track marks in this portrait he did of me recently.

However...I think I fared better than my better half....


(Continued from above)

Who-as you can see--needs to start shaving his neck, and has been smoking so much of the ganja that his eyes are a lovely shade of red.