Thursday, May 26, 2011

Paul of Navarone on Etsy

I LOVE this artist's work--which is a quirky mix of fantastic writing and clean graphics. Paul of Navarone's witty and irreverent framed prints are created in Glasgow, United Kingdom and range in price from $36- $75 for a framed print. Click on the pictures to make them big enough to read if you don't have your glasses handy.

Visit this fantastic store HERE.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Tina Fey's Prayer For her Daughter

“First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches. May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty. When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer. Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age. Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit. May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers. Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait. O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed. And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it. And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. “My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes. Amen.” -Tina Fey

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

When a Guy Does Something Wrong...

Better Late Than Nevah

In honor of Princess Bea's homage to ovaries headgear that sold yesterday for more money than Fergie could have gotten pimping out the whole royal family twice over, here are some humorous looks at the Royal Wedding.

I Will Go Up To The Mountain...

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Blogger Problems

Blogger has been having some major issues as of late--posting on this blog is suspended until all the problems have been fixed. Hope to be back soon!

Thursday, May 12, 2011

YoU DoN't BriNg Me FloWeRs....

Remember when saying "I'm sorry" was best accomplished with a box of chocolates and a small bouquet of daisies?

What will she write her thesis on?

The Banana's second grade class was recently instructed to pick a research topic and write a report on that subject. They were told to choose a theme that was of great interest to them and to delve deep into the facts--learn as much about their topic as possible! Banana's friends decided to research subjects of interest to many seven year old girls--like horses or kittens or anything else that is soft and furry.

Here is what my daughter chose as her subject: (Click on the image to make it bigger)

She is obviously the product of itchy superior genes.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Apropos Branding?

In the course of packing for our big move out of the city in June, I found many of our older items that I created for Our Name Is Mud. At one point, we decided to abbreviate that to initials so the branding that appeared on the bottom of smaller pieces looked like this:

Which I just noticed, from another angle looks like this:

Works For Me.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Curious George

Do you remember this? Here is the plot summary:
The book picks up where the first book ends. George is living in the zoo, but escapes. He enters a restaurant and eats a pot of spaghetti. The cook makes him wash the dishes. He does a splendid job and the cook takes him to a friend who gives him a job as a window washer at an apartment building. George discovers a room being painted and gives it a jungle theme but the painters chase him and he breaks his leg falling from a fire escape. He recovers in the hospital, but tampers with a bottle of ether and is overcome by the fumes. The man with the yellow hat and a nurse waken him with a cold shower. George's story is made into a movie and the book ends with George watching the film in a theater with his friends.

Reading it now, I realize that book was just Wrong. It's no children's book - it's the screenplay for the PG version of The Hangover.

Tuesday, May 03, 2011

I Just Wanna Be Friends, New York

We are planning to move in June and frankly it can't come soon enough now that the terror alert is back up to sky high and it seems you can always hear the drone of a siren in the distance.

There are many things I will miss about New York--my friends, the culture, the hustle and bustle, the fact that I can pick up the phone and have scrambled eggs and a toasted bagel delivered to my doorstep in a matter of minutes...

But I will not miss this worry and tension.

Nor will I miss waterbugs. Waterbugs are what Satan keeps as a pet. They are ginormous roaches that are twitchy and very, very scary. They usually come out late at night. When you're alone. And they skitter right towards you as if they are going to grab your ankle.

Which reminds me of this TRUE STORY:

Every night, my friend Harold would go down to the liquor store, get a six pack, bring it home, and drink it while he watched TV. One night, as he finished his last beer, the doorbell rang. He stumbled to the door and found a six-foot cockroach standing there. The bug grabbed him by the collar and threw him across the room, and left.

The next night, after he finished his 3th beer, the doorbell rang.

He walked slowly to the door and found the same six-foot cockroach standing there. The big bug punched him in the stomach, then left.

The next night, after he finished his 1st beer, the doorbell rang again. The same six-foot cockroach was standing there. This time he was kneed in the groin and hit behind the ear as he doubled over in pain. Then the big bug left.

The fourth night Harold didn't drink at all. The doorbell rang. The cockroach was standing there. The bug beat the snot out of Harold and left him in a heap on the living room floor.

The following day, Harold went to see his doctor. He explained events of the preceding four nights. "

" What can I do? " he pleaded.

" Not much " he doctor replied. " There's just a nasty bug going around."

Monday, May 02, 2011

Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead

This morning Complicated Boy was full of questions at breakfast. "Were the special forces actually ninjas?" "Can we now have a Holiday (and no school) because Bin Laden is dead?" and finally: "Did you ever notice how his name sounds like he could have been a llama?"

I am so glad that I have my family around me this morning. Many, many families are missing someone today and every day. God Bless us, every one.