Wednesday, April 12, 2006
ALYSSA'S THESIS IS DUE MONDAY
The lovely Alyssa Stalsberg, our AR and CM, will soon be receiving her Masters in the ever popular field of Literary Criticism; provided she completes her thesis by THIS MONDAY. Always cool and competent, we have no doubt that she will pass this final test with flying colors, but just in case, we offer our help here. Alyssa, go have a cocktail, your work has been done for you. Here now, excerpts from the thesis we have written in purple magic marker, Xeroxed, and put into a fancy folder from Staples:
"Let us contrast and compare the literary virtues of the classics Goodnight Moon and Everyone Poops. (*author's note; I cannot figure out how to underline in Blogger. Deal with it.) Certainly, neither of these respected works are crappy, although arguably that theme comes to play in Everyone Poops. The allegorical use of the bunny in both works references the fluffiness rampant in today's society...."
"One can compare the language used on a ticket issued for public intoxication and the nutritional label on a Hershey Chocolate Bar. Or maybe not. Frankly, I found my ticket for public intoxication to be wholey UNREADABLE. I mean-literally. Like the words were jumping up and down and spinning....."
"We can certainly draw parallels between William Shakespeare's Hamlet and the latest episode of Wife Swap. Both works have wives. And husbands. What would have happened if the King's Wife had to go spend a week in Wisconsin with a granola eating, berkenstock wearing liberal? It could have all played out so differently..."
We see honors in your future. Of course, that could be in the form of a hastily rendered certificate of MUD for Employee of the Month, but an award is an award baby.
Everything Alyssa does, she does well. Everyone at MUD knows that your thesis will be no different. You surely do not need it, but we wish you much luck. And hey, let us know if you want us to finish the cover of with glitter pen or not.