Thursday, April 05, 2007


I received this lovely letter from a fan today:

The following message was sent from by (name withheld by request proving I am really not such a bad person after all)
Hi. I love your products and stopped by the Grand Central Station store today, but was really taken aback to see "Jesus Juice" goblets displayed in the store window.
I asked the sales rep what Jesus Juice goblets were for, and he told me they were for wine.
Please tell me that this was just a dreadful mistake in judgement on the part of your buyers. If you are a Christian, there is nothing funny about Jesus Juice wine goblets. The wine offered the sacrament of the Holy Communion represents the Blood of Christ. If you are a believer, in taking the communion wine, you accept that you are drinking the blood of Christ. I don't think I've ever heard our Priest refer to the blood of Christ as "Jesus Juice". You would be doing millions of Christians in the region a service if you would remove this horrifingly offensive product from your store offerings.
Many thanks, (name removed)

So I wrote back:

Dear (name removed),

First-let me tell you a little joke: A Rabbi, a Priest, and a duck walk into a bar and....ok, maybe I'll save that one for later.

I am very sorry that our JESUS JUICE goblets offended you. Last month the "Mom, Dad, I'm Gaelic" mug had the Irish community up in arms. If we only made pottery that never danced up to the south side of edgy, well-that would make us Hallmark.

I don't know if any of the following products were still left in the window, or if a mass of Christians (Get it? That's a Catholic pun) gobbled them up, but we did also offer "Jesus Loves Me" mugs, Faith crosses, and a platter that read "This is the day the Lord hath made, Rejoice and be glad in it." The agnostics and atheists raised a rucus (damn them), I told them we are an equal opportunity offender.

Let me go on to say that I am a card carrying member of the "Millions of Christians" you refer to above. (My card happens to say "Jesus is Coming...Look Busy!"), but nonetheless, I have accepted Christ as my personal Savior and I have to disagree with you and say that JESUS JUICE is a tiny bit funny. A tiny bit. I know you say you haven't heard your Priest use the term, but let me just suggest that you don't look to Father Bob for lessons in humor--unless the title of his last sermon was "Have Faith even if you are slipping on Bananna Peels."

I know when I take communion that the grape juice in the cup is not ACTUALLY Christ's blood, or Mark Anthony and JLo would be up at the pulpit every week. Perhaps you may not have noticed that the words "JESUS JUICE" do not literally mean "THE BLOOD OF CHRIST." Last year I made a goblet that said "THE HOLY GRAIL"--for some reason readers of the DaVinci Code knew that it was NOT ACTUALLY the Holy Grail. Smart people, them. Even the ones that only saw the movie.

A common thread among all religions is love. And love can often be expressed through humor. To shut yourself off from humor and become Judy Judger is not what God wants for us all. He wants us to sit down at a table together, share a few laughs and drink some Jesus Juice.

Tonight, I will pray for forgiveness for being a Smartass, like I do everynight. And I will ask that the Lord, in His infinite wisdom, shows you the way to put the wonderful energy and intelligence you obviously posses and direct it towards making change in this word by railing against things that are ABSOLUTELY NOT FUNNY--like racism, bigotry, hate and war.

Now I need to go offend some serious Jewish people.

Love in Christ,

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

For the past year I've worked in a store that happily and proudly sells your products, and I've always appreciated them for their quality craftsmanship and unquestionable humor. And recently, after perusing the ONIM website, I found your blog, and have spent the last few hours going through your archives and reading everything (do I sound like a stalker yet?)-- and while I absolutely love the tributes to employees and family members, the anecdotes about the kids, and all the pictures/photos, this entry was stand-out-AWESOME. I know it's like a year late, but kudos. :) Have a great day!