Thursday, May 29, 2008

The Constipated Blogger

So, in case you haven't noticed, I have been a little--shall we say "stopped up" --on this blog these past few weeks. Maybe it's because nothing interesting has happened lately in my personal life (skin cancer is really a bummer of a topic) or because I have become newly aware of the need to be hyper vigilant not to offend my current boss, any ethnic or religious group, family members, current friends and former acquaintances, and THE ENTIRE PTA OF PS11. Or maybe it's because in an effort to lose that last pesky 50 lbs I have foregone my usual nightly glass (read: bottle) of pinot grigio and as a result have totally lost my blog mojo.

Whatever the reason: the results are the same and now I fear that all three of my loyal readers are set to desert me for some blog by a mom who COOKS! or KNOWS CELEBRITIES! or DOES A GOOD JOB AS A MOM! It will just be me and my uber supportive Mother In Law (HI NONNEE) out here in cyberspace. So I turned to the most reliable source in times of trouble and I GOOGLED THE HELL out of blog topics.

The number one GOOGLE result is 100-blog-topics-i-hope-you-write. And he starts off like this:
People often ask me how I come up with things to blog about, and I find the question strange, because my problem is the opposite. I have too much to blog about.

Which made me want to say: "well whoop-de-freeking-do Chris Brogan. You must lead AN INCREDIBLY EXCITING LIFE." But then I looked at the 100 suggested blog topics and here is a sampling:

How I Use Facebook
Should My Town Use Social Media?
Technology That Empowers Me
Twitter Jaiku Pownce Facebook
The Difference Between Fark and Truemors

WHAT THE HELL IS CHRIS BROGAN TALKING ABOUT ANYWAY? Because I have absolutely no idea what a Twitter is (distant cousin of Tweety Bird, maybe?) and Facebook is a place my young nephews hang out on and hope I never figure out. So Fark yourself Mr. Brogan. Where are the inspiring blog topics like: My Recent Trip To Kmart. Because I CAN RUN WITH THAT BALL. And by the way, Jacqueline Smith-not only beautiful, but what a designer.

Luckily-there is always a NUMBER TWO in Google and this was "The World's Largest Blog Niche and Topic Idea List" which sounds Mighty Promising, doesn't it? I was all prepared to SUPERSIZE ME a writing topic. So what a disappointment to find that these were the listed topics:

Adult Education
Your Brain & Learning
Campus Life
Education Reform
Home Schooling

I don't have a helluva lot to say about any of the above except maybe The Campus Life topic, but both my husband and my father are readers so I couldn't be truthful and WHAT FUN IS THAT. So we were back to square one, or Google #3, which pointed me towards and the "100 blog topics I Hope You Write" which again, SOUNDS SO PROMISING....
But turns out Mr. Schmoyer is a fan of Mr. Brogan and he basically just appropriated Mr. Brogan's list and put a Christian Right spin on it as follows:

How to use Facebook for Ministry
Technology I use in Youth Ministry

BUT THEN I SAW IT! Blog topic #18 on his list! Addressing Porn and Masturbation at Youth Group! Now THERE was a topic I could sink my teeth into! If I were not worried about offending my boss, any ethnic, religious or social group, friends and family and former acquaintances and that damn ENTIRE PTA of PS11.


Natasha said...

I totally hear ya...constipation is a problem. I have it with other areas of my work...but never fear you will not lose us - the more than 3 loyal have tons more readers they are just a little shy but they love ya take your time, write when it hits you...actually I think you should write about missing your pinot grigio (which one Santa Margharita is my FAV) do you dream about it at night?? Or do you think that would offend the sensibilities of those you made reference to? Maybe you should write, break open a bottle WITH all the folks you mentioned, throw a few back, then show them your post (I think they'd be much more open to it then) and THEN post it...what do you say?

anabanana said...

Hi! I just found your blog after doing a google search for "Our Name is Mud". I am a 27-year old Upper East Sider and was induced into blogging when I was recently diagnosed with Breast Cancer. I have included a link about about the therapeutic values of blogging. Enjoy!

Lorrie Veasey said...

Tasha- as always, thanks for your undying blog loyalty. Sometimes I think I could post the ingredients on the side of a cereal box and you would comment about how very very yummy life is! You are an awesome cheerleader.

Thanks so much for the link-it was a great article and I am keeping the very best of thoughts for you.

Tash said...

Hey thanks Lorrie and if it was a cereal I love then hell yeah I would tell you how yummy life IS yummy when good food is involved! LOL..and I love cheering..ok, my thighs are screamin' feed me so I'm off to eat