Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Banned From Book Club.

Recently, I stumbled across a blog called The Undomestic Diva (http://www.undomesticdiva.typepad.com ) which has the promising tagline: Just Doin the Best I Can When I Feel Like It. The woman who writes it turns a great phrase and seems to have a healthy share of a little something I like to call A SENSE OF HUMOR. I was psyched to see her "NOT A BOOK CLUB BOOKCLUB," which she billed as the mullet of bookclubs: business in the front, party in the back. And then I read the book list:

THE LIST
One for the Money - Janet Evanovich
Two for the Dough - Janet Evanovich
Three to get Deadly - Janet Evanovich
Four to Score - Janet Evanovich
High Five - Janet Evanovich
Hot Six - Janet Evanovich
Seven Up - Janet Evanovich
Hard Eight - Janet Evanovich
To the Nines - Janet Evanovich
Ten Big Ones - Janet Evanovich
Eleven On Top - Janet Evanovich
Twelve Sharp - Janet Evanovich
Lean Mean Thirteen - Janet Evanovich
Fearless Fourteen - Janet Evanovich
Something Borrowed - Emily Giffin
Something Blue - Emily Giffin
Baby Proof - Emily Giffin
Love the One You're With - Emily Giffin
Swapping Lives - Jane Green
Ask Again Later - Jill A. Davis
Remember Me - Sophie Kinsella
Good in Bed - Jennifer Weiner
Welcome to Temptation - Jennifer Cruise
Running With Scissors - Augusten Burroughs
Water for Elephants - Sara Gruen

I pride myself on being somewhat of a voracious reader: I can do PEOPLE cover to cover in one short visit to the powder room. And so I commented on the book selections and here is what I wrote:

I just stumbled across your blog and thought WHAT LUCK! Now I know what Janet Evanovich's publisher is doing with her spare time!

I had SUCH HOPES for this list. After reading your posts I thought-here is someone who will recognize the true genius of Jackie Collins. I've always wanted to explore the literary prowess of Stephen King. And if you threw in that new autobiography by Tori Selling I WOULD BE YOUR FAN FOR LIFE.

May I please spare you and your readers the agony of reading Water For Elephants (HE DIES IN THE END OK) and recommend The Final Confessions of Mabel Stark by Robert Hough? I realize the paragraph above puts my literary taste in question--but this is an awesome book about the original lion tamer for Ringling and involves escapes from mental institutions and animal maulings and DAMN I know you will love it.

For gosh sakes, wouldn't ONE Janet Evanovich be enough? Or is she like the Chinese Food of authors?

NOTE: Water For Elephants starts with a 98 year old author bemoaning that he will die soon--so in terms of spoiling it for everyone it is sort of like saying "The Mystery Gets Solved" when discussing a Nancy Drew book because it is THAT OBVIOUS.

And so it was with SUCH SURPRISE that I read the following comment:
Lorrie-
Hey thanks for ruining the ending of WFE for me.

I have been following this web site for quite a while & never have I read such a rude comment. If you don't like the book choices that we voted on months ago, please feel free to show yourself to the door.

This has been a place to go for comic relief in our day & you know what? WE ALL DIE IN THE END.


and this one in support of that one:
Sing it Beth!


Now to be honest-in between that response I had waxed a little poetic about MY OWN BOOKCLUB which my faithful readers will remember was held at a cocktail bar and involved a visit by Teen Idol Leif Garret. But really; that comment was to further endear people to me because AFTER ALL: I"M WORKING FOR YOUR ENJOYMENT HERE PEOPLE.

That said- it was a shock to find myself totally and completely BANNED from commenting on this website. I was in such denial i wrote lengthy replies TWICE; each carefully crafted to be one part snort wine out of your nose funny one part charming and endearing. BUT THOSE BITCHES WOULD NOT GIVE ME A SECOND CHANCE. Not that I really mind.

Ok, I do. Not that I am suggesting that any one of you 1600 readers (AND YES DAMN IT--BLOGGER STATS SHOW THAT WHILE I GET 1-2 COMMENTS, 1600 OF YOU READ MY INANE MUSINGS REGULARLY) not that I am suggesting that any of you go to her website and write some sort of snarky post. I mean, that would be wrong. Even though you can do it anonymously. But I'm not saying you should do that because I AM THE BIGGER PERSON and maybe, just maybe...Janet Evonovitch books are worth all this fuss.

9 comments:

Jill S. said...

Janet's books are SO worth the fuss, and for the record, I'm one of the 1600.

Lorrie Veasey said...

And BTW can I just add that jill s. is FAMOUS!!! Check out her blog at:
http://jillshalvis.com/blog/
SHE ACTUALLY DOES THIS FOR A LIVING.
So I feel totally validated.

Put that in your pipe and smoke it, book club beyotches.

Anonymous said...

Wtf IS JANET EVANOVICH?


Signed,

"Boobs"

Tash said...

This is hilarious! A knockdown, drag across cyberspace blog bitch fight is actually happening! I can't believe you were banned...that's just crazy talk...wonder what's going to happen now...duh, duh, duh,duuhhhhh.....you can come visit my bookclub ...it's only Stephen King and Dean Koontz novels....ONLY.....what happens exactly when you are banned?

Takin' a stroll around cyberspace, 1 of the 1600 who likes to comment

Anonymous said...

The first twelve Plum books were good, but JE started writing two books a year after that and they went down the crapper in record time. I got an advance copy of the latest one, and whoa. It made no sense. Halfway through it I was looking for one of those temporary tattoos laced with acid because I was starting to get the feeling you had to be on something to appreciate the experience. Didn't come with any, though.

BrokeMom said...

Parts of the Janet books are amusing, but then you read another one, and then another....and you realize they are all THE SAME! She always ruins her car, fights with some crazy people, eats a lot, flirts with Ranger and we hear what Grandma is doing. Which, go figure, is also always THE SAME. It took me 13 books to figure it out though...so, hmmm...

Anonymous said...

DANG! leif garrett!!!!!

screw them, start another one. i suggest "are you there, vodka? It's me chelsea" by chelsea handler as the first book.

uh, can you get leif garrett again????

katie said...

Well, you are right, turns out she is TOTALLY famous. It's all over her blog so it's not hard to figure out. A shame she doesn't get your humor because at first it seems you might have found a kindred spirit. Alas, not so. And yeah, Janet Evanovich definitely went down the crapper. The end.

Anonymous said...

One good snark deserves another.

I know you think you're funny, but I can tell you from experience that you are just a downright caustic person. I have no idea why you think it's appropriate to berate people...but you do it with such ease. It's good to see you get a taste of your own medicine.

Trust me, not everyone is laughing at your antics.