I'd like to take a moment to vent about my recent Holiday Guests.
First: Mr. Pink. Mr. Pink is a powder pink stuffed kitten that Banana has had since she was born. (Because Cat People are like that. We convert them at birth.)
Mr. Pink has been living the past year quite happily in the shoe bags I have nailed to the wall to hold Banana's menagerie-and by menagerie, I mean piles and piles of stuffed animals--each with its own name and catalogued in that steal trap of a five year old brain she has. This means that if I try to sneak the straw-stuffed lobster she won at a carnival last summer into the Goodwill bag, she will all of a sudden start screaming: WHERE OH WHERE IS LARRY LOBSTER MY GAWD MAMA MY LOBSTER HAS GONE MISSING as if the thing was a child she'd lost on a mall excursion.
I don't know what brought about Mr. Pink's sudden popularity, but as of the past two days he has been everywhere. If you're making brownies, Mr. Pink has to stir the batter. If you're taking a bath, Mr. Pink insists on bubbles. This morning Mr. Pink decided to be the voice of Banana as in : "Mr. Pink says Banana would like Leggomyeggos this morning for breakfast" and "Mr. Pink says Banana would prefer to wear the pink tshirt as this green one is scratchy." I would be fine with this-except it reminds me of a Tales From the Crypt episode and I keep thinking any minute I'll be chased into the bathroom where a paw weilding a steak knife will slash at my bare feet under the door...but maybe that's just me. And I am sure I am imagining his little eyes following me around the room.
And speaking of eyes....
Our second guest, Blaster Ollie, is our house elf. Banana had christened him "Ollie" but ComplicatedBoy insisted on adding the "Blaster," which makes him sound like a midget ex-pornstar. Every night he flies back to the North pole to report on the behaviors of The Spawn, and each morning he's found hiding in a new place. Except the nights Mommy and Daddy have cocktails--then he tends to stay right where he is. Lately, he's been exceptionally lazy.
This is our third guest--or guests. We got this ant farm from the Discovery Store-and it is awesome-I totally recommend it to anyone with kids for a Holiday present. We were skeptical; having had to flush the last batch of Grow -Your- Own -Animals down the toilet when the tadpoles refused to turn into frogs and even after six months remained mutant slimy green things that smelled. But the ants are great and very industrious. Only down side I see is that watching them work and communicate with each other will put you off things like frying them under a magnifying glass or crushing them underfoot: it's obvious they are intelligent, sensitive creatures and as long as they are not in my sugar bowl, I say Live and let Live. I guess I am lucky they haven't come out with Casa Cockroach.
And finally: you all wrote wonderful, heart wrenching, gut churning, and side splitting posts on your worst gifts.
There were so many good posts that I CAN'T DECIDE! So Mr. Pink will say it for me: EVERYONE WINS. Literally. If you posted, email me your address at L V Mud at aol dot com and everyone who played gets a little sumpin sumpin. Cuz you are all wonderful people and I heart you, and it's the least I can do if you were given a burlap sack, an Applebees tray or two weeks without pay--I'm just sayin.