Friday, January 09, 2009

HoMe


OK: who chipped the glass egg on the mantlepiece?

I am back, my lovelies. And while I wish I had grand tales to regale you with, I have but three little words. I. Am. Tired.

I just wanted to tell you that in an effort to counteract the whole "cut your own bangs" debaucle, I went for an eyebrow wax the night before leaving. Which was a great plan, and would have worked if I had answered "no" to the question the lady at the salon asked me, which was... "Do you want a lip wax to go with that eyebrow wax?"

You see: I have Never Had a Lip Wax. While there are other areas where the carpet and drapes don't match, I am thankfully blessed with blonde hair on my upper lip.

But lately my blonde locks have become a bit--what's the word---oh yes, BUSHY and I feared I was starting to look a bit like this guy:


So I said: YES! to the lip wax. YES! YES! YES! Confident that the red moustache would fade before my appearance in Hotlanta, and I would be able to show off my new lipstick: Palin Pink Piggie.

What I was unprepared for was a reaction a day later that involved numerous oozing postules across my upper lip. Seriously: I broke out worse than a fifteen year old who ate a bag of hershey kisses before prom night. At least six of those suckers--red, irritated, and swollen. Using concealer was like throwing a paper cup of water on the Towering Inferno.

It was so bad that at the Sales Meeting yesterday morning, I had to tell the assembled sales force that I DID NOT HAVE HERPES. They looked sympathetic-one kindly offered to get me some Neosporin--but still refused to kiss me.

Thus ended forever my experiment with waxing places never before waxed...

Sorry, Sexyhusbandomine.

22 comments:

Stuart Maughan said...

Marilyn and I think your funny. But we can apreciate the stress that comes along with your job. We invite you to our blog, there might be something there that will interest you. How ever we warn you,it's a pretty serious place. P.S Check out our website on the way through.

Nonnee said...

What - No Pictures?

Hey Lady - I'm just sayin' - again - that you need to come down to slower Delaware and deal with your beautification issues!

Welcome home

Jennifer said...

So...no Brazilian, huh?

I love that you compared yourself to the Lorax. My husband will DIE when I show this to him.

kwr221 said...

Oh, how you torture us - no Pics?

Welcome home.

Don't believe ANYTHING the neighbors say about the past few days. They're just jealous.

Lo said...

I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. As Jennifer said, think Brazilian. Then you'll feel better. My grandpa used to get massive headaches and he'd rub aclohol in his eyes. Said when it quit hurting, he'd forgotten all about the headache.

Le @ third on the right said...

dearie me sweetie pie - your luck is out beatification wise at present - but that is three now so you are done - shine on !! le xoxo

SOMETHING HAPPENED SOMEWHERE TURNING said...

Too funny!
One of these days I'm going to post a picture of my daughters back when she was a baby. She was like a monkey. Unfortunately there is still a lot of hair still there. In another year when she's busy in the mirror - she's going to hate her Momma and Daddy.
Yeah...better scratch the baby pic.
Welcome Home!

The Kitchen said...

Momma's glad you're home - safe and sound! I'm sure the little muffins missed you and love you regardless of your lip!!

Mambinki said...

What was it about the waxing that irritated your upper lip so? That is terrible, but this entry really made me laugh!

Welcome Home!

OHN said...

What is it about those little ladies that get you in a back room with some hot wax between your eyes then look at your lip like you are a female tom selleck and ask you 10 times if you want the lip wax.

I had one get downright demanding that she HAD to remove my NON EXISTENT moustache. She grumbled something in korean and walked out. I am not sure, but I think the korean word for hairy face is kung-cho-wa.(or maybe she was wishing me a great day)

Bj in Dallas said...

So when you get a coupon for cheap Botox, call me. I'll talk you out of it....
Seriously, anything I wax hates me for a couple of days...I keep hearing the words 'what was she thinking?' Maybe you need to wear a Burka (sp) for a while!!

talk to Kreg and your brother about the egg, the kitchen table, and the fines from your building association. I had nothing to do with any of it..........

MizAngie said...

This is sooo funny - mainly because I've been there, done that. I think, because I work in an athletic department, that my body has slowly absorbed testosterone right outta the air and I have a fabulous 'stache - and I've also begun laughing at farts. {sigh}

Try this next time: About 20 minutes before you get waxed liberally apply *Benadryl* cream to the area (be careful not to get in your eyes). It helps a little.

kwr221 said...

So, when I couldn't sleep last night, I was watching Rock of Love Tour Bus (it was so bad I had to get up and take a shower - GROSS!) ANyway, one of the ladies/skanks/ whores was reading a rap song she wrote for him and on the flip side of the paper were instructions for treating herpes and gonorrhea.


The irony was not lost on Brett and the other ladies.

Ewwww.

What a train wreck.

Brett Michaels and crew - not you, love.

Shonda Little said...

God, I wish you would have told me you were thinking of this and I would have told you what a nightmare it is. My mother the stylist is constantly trying to induce this pain and I will not do it.

Also, I kind want to kiss you for the Palin Pink Piggie. That's some good stuff.

zakary said...

My really good friend in college decided to go to beauty school. During the part where she was learning about waxing, she talked me into coming down so she would do my lip and eyebrows. She had the wax way to hot and ripped all of the skin OFF of my upper lip. I looked like Hitler with a moustache made out of scab.

sheila said...

I think that unless your mustache resembles that of Borat, you should stick with bleaches. Hell, shaving would be less painful.

Just say no to hot pots of wax & the women who dispense them. They are of the same ilk as old Sunshine Wheatgrass...

Debra W said...

I agree with Sheila, honey, stick with the bleach! My youngest daughter BEGS me to allow her to get her eyebrows waxed and I always tell her no. I truly think it is part of the "peer pressure" of this generation!

I've missed my favorite New Yawker!

Love,
Deb

blairspage said...

OMG... That is awful! I don't think I would wish that on anyone! I'm glad you made it back safe!

Hugs - Tiffany

Jane! said...

Gawd, I missed you. I have been seriously short of good laughs lateley.
And Thystle called me a grannie, even though she's the one who wears the waist high whities.
So, glad you are back and next time could you please think of ME before you go anywhere, and not that silly business of yours.

Since you asked nicely, I give you the letter J.

LuckyMe said...

LOL. I always look at lip sores and think "she musta been a wild thing backintheday" Glad you cleared that up.
Funny post!

Miss Thystle said...

HAHAH. I'm not laughing at you, I'm laughing WITH you. Because I did that. ONCE.

Debbie said...

How did I miss a gem like this?
I have a dear friend that waxed her eyebrows only to have some bizarre reaction that sounds eerily like yours. Of course, her friends supported her. I laughed.