Hello Chickens! I am sorry I have not been around lately: it is very hard to type on a keyboard and run on the hamster wheel at the same time. I PROMISE I will be by Your blog to visit soon and catch up, but in the meantime wanted to make sure you were not getting into trouble. So here are some friendly reminders of ...
THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER WRITE ON YOUR BLOG
Sorry I haven’t blogged for a few days I had to hide the murder weapon and body down at the old cabin by the lake.
I changed my Paypal password to my birthday so it’s easy to remember.
I think most of the people who work for Homeland Security are lilly livered pansies.
Does anyone know how to set up emails for future delivery in AOL? I’ll be leaving work early, but want to send a few emails to make it look like I’m still there.
The girl we hired last week to work the receptionist desk has a really large Adams apple.
My broker just called me with a great insider tip to buy some stock. I'll post it in a sec.
I think the marijuana should be out of my blood system by next Tuesday for my drug test.
I love reading spam comments in my blog. They are fascinating: sometimes I even visit the sites and I am always looking for a cheap source for viagra.
My company's year end financial statments will be out next week, I’ll post them on my blog tommorow.
Here’s how to get a fake social security number for your cat so you can claim it as a dependent on your taxes. I've done this for the past six years: those IRS guys are such dummies.
The user name and password to my blog are …
Your turn, chickens...
17 comments:
You are going to get some awesome people finding your blog through google keyword searches :)
I'd have to say you should never blog anything about your job or your in-laws, even though both can be extremely annoying would make great blog banter.
you are absolutely hilarious. you really strike the balance - offering a departure from the whiney mommy blogger/martry working mom/would-becomedienne/truth seeker while still mixing it all up. Love some lorrie, often or not.
what jenx said. cause my brain cell is too small right now to come up with anything else.
and what hi i'm amy said too. should be fun to see!
you also probably don't want to write about that old flame you're secretly meeting at the pub on 47th at 3pm to "catch up". cause you wouldn't do that kind of thing anyway to SHOY.
and that bit you drafted about how you're going to be coming into a sizable fortune shortly for helping that Nigerian Minister get funds that are tied up in the Central Bank of Ivory Coast released...after getting that email telling you in STRICTEST CONFIDENCE that he "craved your distinguished indulgence in a matter of utmost importance". probably best to keep that post as a draft. and don't publish your bank account and pin# either.
"I just finished downloading my tenth full DVD from a file torrent site."
"I used to pay for all these PopCap games - now I just find keys for them online. I can't believe people pay $20 for Chuzzle."
etc etc etc
By the way, Lorrie, I'm finally posting on my blog again! If you add me to your blogroll I might even promise to post more often (gotta love peer pressure)! ;D
Nude pictures of yourself. Even flattering ones.
Not that I know from experience, or anything...but I've heard. From BJ.
anything about the in-laws. (oh, the stories I could tell. . .)
Now I have some awesome ideas...thanx. I am amazed at your wit. Not being witty is my forte I guess...I was put on this earth to enjoy!
Never...well...I get googled for it....but that a stripper licked my nipples.
Though.....
sorry Thystle, that was YOUR picture on MY blog....
hahahaha...
don't talk about being 'ahem' older and making out with younger men because sometimes your mother reads the blog just when you think she quit reading it because she was disgusted with you....
vicious cycle...
My boss is a big fat douche bag that I dream about torturing with a pencil every night.
"I hate you all for the following reasons:"
[insert list cross-indexed by name, relationship and unpleasant characteristics.]
Never say you're going to do something and then don't.
Many, many people will remind you.
never post about your love fot eh jonas brothers and miley cyrus. unless you really do I guess.
For a woman having a bad week, you are damn funny.
Even when you change the names when you write a super flattering (read not all flattering) post about someone, they will still be able to figure out it is them. They might even mention this. Perhaps it will be very uncomfortable, because they might be your neighbor... that you see every morning at the bus stop with the kiddies.
This is slightly skewed from the original instructions, but never, ever put a link on your Facebook page to your super-secret blog because your Bi-Polar, Narcissitic, Borderline Personality boss might decide to read your FB page, discover the link and then suddenly you get an email from him asking you to come to his office. Because he thinks the "Mr. S" you write so witheringly about on your secret blog resembles him and is there any truth to his suspicion? Then you have to lie like you are facing torture at the Hanoi Hilton and crawfish out of his office so fast it would make Ester Williams envious.
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