Wednesday, May 20, 2009

WeDNeSDaY WiSDoM

A NEW FEATURE ON OUR NAME IS BLOG!


Every WEDNESDAY I will suggest three things you should do to CHANGE YOUR LIFE.
While bills are better, Change Is Good...start TODAY Grasshoppers, with these three things:

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

1. TODAY IS ADDICTION-FREE DAY.
Your body can be your temple or, in my case, it's a saloon with a sawdust floor. Cut out one addictive substance for the day to see how much purer you feel. Don't go for anything easy like caffeine, chocolate, or alcohol, because we all know there's a difference between REALLY REALLY ENJOYING something and addiction. Also: note to crack cocaine users; you may not feel purer immediately, you might need to stick with that one for a couple of months.


2. INTRODUCE YOURSELF TO SOMEONE YOU KNOW BUT NEVER SPEAK TO, TODAY.
Talk to a neighbor about the weather, other neighbors, or the fence you want to build.
Talk to a colleague about the coffee machine, the boss or other colleagues.
Talk to a shopkeeper about local news, the freshness of produce, other shopkeepers.
Talk to a local hooker about prices, possible discounts, other hookers.
Talk to your local government leaders about your neighbors and their hooker friends.



3. FLATTER SOMEONE TODAY and see if indeed it does get you everywhere....
Here are some compliment suggestions:
- What a fine hat!
- This is the best memo I've ever read!
-That toupee really suits you, officer!
- They never told me you were beautiful as well as intelligent!
- Oh, it's not the size of the boat it's the motion of the ocean!



Now go forth Chickens and do as instructed. Life is Good except when it's crappy. Make me Proud.

19 comments:

Jen said...

You're like the new Jack Handy. I love it.

kwr221 said...

My, what a nice blog you have.
;-)

Lorrie Veasey said...

And Goodness, aren't those fabulous comments. And may i also say that both of your avitars are beautiful. And...um....you smell good.

Miss Thystle said...

excuse me, missy, I do not come here for this kind of life affirming happiness. On a side note, I am very pretty today.

Logical Libby said...

I fear my neighbors more than swine flu. If I talk to you one them, and catch something, I am totally blaming you.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

This place is looking great! :-)

rpc said...

I'm giving up exercise for the day. On second thoughts, maybe I'll give it up for the rest of the month.

Jane! said...

This changing your life thing sounds like a LOT of work to me. I think I'll just stick with what I know - mean, crack-addicted hermitism.

Debbie said...

I bet you have made a lot of hookers happy today.

Fe said...

Have I told you how much I appreciate having you in my blogosphere? (tick)

I ALWAYS chat to neighbours and shopkeepers and hookers, so that one's easy. Therefore, today I shall comment on a blog that I have never commented on before. (tick)

I've got nothing to give up though. Unless it's my internet addiction, and that would undo all my good work today.

Something Happened Somewhere Turning said...

Oh My!!!

Nadine Hightower said...

What a fabulous idea!!!
Love it!!

Something Happened Somewhere Turning said...

Okay...
1. I don't have any addictions left to give up.
2. My neighbors and I talk all time. We might use sign language to do it, but we talk, sort of. I actually hung out with my boss today for more than 5 minutes. That counts for a lot. I might have even used some sign language. I don't think there's hooker in Utah and I just posted a picture of a government leader on my blog the other day.
3. Flattery(?) Well, hello Lorrie. How you doing? (said in a Joey Tribbiani voice, which I'm not very good at).

nomadcraftsetc said...

Very inspiring! Thanks so much for the great tips!

Gallery Juana - ギャラリー ワナ said...

Some hilarious compliments. Thanks for the suggestions.

Bj in Dallas said...

I have no vices worse than drinking smoking, and swearing, so I'm good on that one.

we don't have hookers in my suburb of Dallas but a few of the PTA moms look like hookers, can I just tell them they look nice and have 2 and 3 done?

lets all sing Kum-Ba -Ya next week, whadda ya say????

Little Dickens Designs said...

Who ya calling chicken? I love this post! Thanks for the ispiration.

kwr221 said...

Are the people in your little cartoon wearing any clothes?


Hmmm. That's what I thought, too.

Debra W said...

I know that underneath all of that silliness there is a heart of absolute gold. I LOVE when it peaks out from under all of your funniness. You DO inspire me, dear heart. You make me proud to be a New Yorker in California!

MWAH!
Debbie