Tuesday, August 11, 2009
In the spirit of celebrating the 5th Anniversary of my 100th Blog Post, may I present a special edition of BLOGS THAT NEVER WERE.
These are actual drafts, sitting dormant in my blogger account in cyberspace...until now. Here are the first sentences of Blogs Not Published in the past three months:
Since purchasing the complete collection of The Brady Bunch on DVD, we have figured out that going to church is unnecessary... Mike Brady is a Moral Hard Ass.
It's never a good thing when your husband calls you while he's naked in the bathroom and says "Honey, can you come take a look at this?"
I often make the mistake of thinking that if I didn't enjoy the food, that the calories in it are imaginary: for example, the whole bag of rice cakes I just consumed.
The problem with your kids acting up when you have guests over is that you can't beat them in front of the company, and later you're usually too drunk to remember what it was they did that made you want to whip the tar out of them.
I think it's time I shared my birth story with you all, Chickens.
It's DECEMBER and we have been late to school 22 times in the past four months because of ComplicatedBoy's bowels.
Dear Scuzzball who Stole My iPhone and thought it was funny to text me the word BITCH...
On a Scale of 1-10 for Mothers, 1 being NO MORE WIRE HANGERS and 10 being I HOMESCHOOL AND COOK ORGANIC, I consider myself a very firm 6.75 or 7.2.
While Sexyhusbandomine was doing shots at a house party, I was performing topless in an Athol Fugard play.
Chickens, I have been reading many of your blogs lately, and I have some advice for each of you....