Monday, February 15, 2010

FaR FaR AwAAAAAAAY

Happy Friday Chickens!

Today is the start of a fabulous family vacation for Troupe Veasey. We are off to the Florida Everglades to visit Indian Reservations and ride boats in alligator infested waters.

I have set up automatic postings for the next ten days. Each posting will have a scintillating topic of discussion, so comment away. RANDOM WINNERS for FABULOUS PRIZES will be automatically announced at the end of my time away--so pour a cuppa something and get typing. You people are far more entertaining than I could ever hope to be.

TODAY'S DISCUSSION TOPIC:

On the morning of the day before we were to leave for our trip (today), I came up behind Sexyhusbandomine unexpectedly. He turned, and caught the space between my baby toe and my second to last toe with his foot, rotating and kicking simultaneously while wrenching my baby toe in an unnatural way. This caused me to scream loud enough that The Spawn pulled themselves away from a riveting episode of SpongeBob and came running. Only when my toe turned black in places did Sexyhusbandomine finally agree that perhaps the digit was broken. I shoved the foot into a boot-because hey, what's a broken toe after you've had a bad lip waxing experience, and went to work.

Later in the day, poor Banana revealed a HUGE ABSCESS above the tooth she had hoped Santa would rid her of this Christmas. Except when Sexyhusbandomine told her the dentist would probably remove the tooth tomorrow, she was anything but happy. In fact, I believe she screamed louder than a mommy who has just had her baby toe broken by a 230 pound man in suede house slippers. But I digress.

Still later, I came home to follow a trail of bright red blood stains that lead across the carpet of my bedroom and into my bed, where The Cat Who Shall Never Die lay sleeping. The Cat Who Shall Never Die is officially 140 years old in human years. She lay curled in a ball with a bleeding abscess the size of a super ball on her tail.

I stepped on that abscess back when it was the size of a golf ball. By accident. One morning. In slippers. It exploded like an over ripe tomato and my room looked like a scene from CSI Miami for a week.

So what does it all mean, Chickens? It's as simple as this: WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND. And there's nothing like having to squeeze in trips to the doctor, dentist and vet before heading out. But gosh darn it, I WILL HAVE MY SPRAY TAN. NOTHING CAN KEEP ME FROM IT.

What is the worst thing that ever happened to you as you made plans to get out of Dodge?

8 comments:

Jennifer said...

We went to a wedding once and I forgot to pack my makeup. I'm not one of those women who can go without makeup and look good. When I'm not wearing makeup people will say to me "Oh my gawd...are you sick?" Needless to say, there was an emergency run to the mall so I could look like a human being at the wedding.

Lin said...

I dont think anything can beat your story, ha ha.

A couple of months ago we were getting ready to leave for my brothers wedding when the hubs informed me we needed to get our tortoise food so we packed up the car & went to the store. Upon getting to the store I realize aunt flow decided to drop in so I had to make a run back home. Finally we're about to leave the house & the hubs informs me we have a flat tire & the tux place gave him the wrong size shirt. We made it to the wedding on time but it was definetly not a good morning.

Kr√ęg said...

The ex and I were halfway to Denver for a friends wedding before we realized we left my suit and her dress hanging on a doorknob back in Oklahoma.

Thank god for FedEx.

WV: wrapho
The Pimps And Players department at Bloomingdale's has a full-time wrapho during the holiday season.

rpc said...

I made the mistake of washing the kitchen floor the day before leaving on a camping trip when my daughter was 11 months old. After that it was time for her nap so I picked her up and walked across the wet floor. I slipped and compounded the mistake by keeping hold of her as I fell. She ended up underneath me with a broken foot. We delayed the trip by a day then took her camping with her foot in plaster. We were definitely marked as the child abusers of the campsite. That was over 14 years ago - I'm still reluctant to wash the kitchen floor.

WV: supensuc - dinner with drinks.

kwr221 said...

Oh, wow. Ouch.

And yuck.

One time, we were packing for a lovely 10 day cruise on our boat and I sent DH and DS on ahead to bring the provisions and I stayed back with DD to clean up the house, change the litter box, do the last minute laundry...etc.

While waiting for me, DD, (who was barely older than toddlerhood if I recall) fell asleep on the off-white funky chair (sort of a wavy-looking chaise).

When I went to wake her up to go to the boat (around 11 pm), she had peed. all. over. herself. and the off-white microsuede chair.

Did I mention it was new at the time?

FML.

Blue said...

i kid you not, the WV for this comment is: PREGERS

and last night i dreamed that FOUR people asked me "when's the baby due?".

for the record, i am not pregnant.

but there were only five posts. so if i comment one more time, then i'll be #7 and win some more SCHWAGGGGG!

i love it when you go out of town. ♥

Blue said...

and this WV is "preburre", which CLEARLY is a subtle reference to "pre-birth", but probably more like a scottish or gaelic accented way of saying it. what is going on here MiSS LorRiE?!

(oh, you want that i should share a story? okay...just a minute)

Blue said...

i fell in love with doc when we were just 18 year old kids. when our 1st year of college was over, i went home with him to meet his family. they lived in chicagoland (which is the land in/around chicago), and when it was time for me to leave, we got in the car to head to the airport. it was rush hour, so it had taken about 90 minutes to just get near downtown, when suddenly i realized i didn't have my ticket. this was pre-cell phones, so we just continued to the airport because i'd miss the flight otherwise. i thought maybe (naively) that they could just print me another one.

well, they couldn't print me another ticket. but they did offer that if i could get it there by the last flight out, they'd let me on that one. which meant my Future Father In Law (we weren't engaged, but i was in love with his son and was TRYING to make a good impression) had to leave work, go to the house, look around and find the ticket i'd left there (on the piano. i'm a sucker for pianos and had sat down right before departing to play it one last time) and then drive down to Midway airport to deliver it to me. i was SO mortified at the hassle i'd created.

doc left for a 2-year mission to Argentina after that, but while he was gone, i went to visit his family. this time i was traveling by train. have you ever done an Amtrak trip? well i have. and when it was time to go to the station, this same Future Father In Law drove me down to the city, but when we got there, it turned out i was A DAY EARLY...and had to drive BACK to his house with him, and repeat the same trip the next day. by now i figured i was completely beyond redemption in his eyes and wished i could just shrink into a little ball.

instead, i became a flight attendant and now i'm pretty savvy about travel.

and that's my story for today. ♥