Monday, June 21, 2010

THe BiG DaY!!

The big plan for Father's Day weekend was to whisk Sexyhusbandomine away to someplace with a lot of shopping romantic. We have not had a vacation without the children in nine years. Which is 63 years in cat years. Which is what it feels like.

But I made the fatal error of telling ComplicatedBoy that we would be gone for one night. At which point he Gauged his Eyes Out. O wait--that's Oedipus. I often get my own life and the play so mixed up.

I fell asleep Friday night gently turning over in my mind the idea of possibly lying to the children and just not coming home working something out. In my dreams, it was me, Sexyhusbandomine, and Johnny Depp, who was sweating so much that he had to take his shirt off--and as he did, he turned those big brown eyes to me and said

"Mommy I think I'm going to throw up"

Because I can sleep through practically ANYTHING but if The Banana stands beside my bed for two minutes, no matter how deep in REM I am, the full force of her stare will wake me up everytime. And nothing is worse than being woken up by THE STARE OF A CHILD WHO IS ABOUT TO VOMIT.

And so the next day was spent taking care of The Banana while Sexyhusbandomine and Cboy went off on an adventure. At one point I asked her if she needed anything and she replied "I NEED A BELL. A BELL TO RING SO THAT YOU WILL BRING ME THINGS." I realized then that I had taught her everything she needed in life.

I told The Banana that we did not have a bell, but she cleverly remembered that SANTA had brought a SET of bells this Christmas and so it is no wonder that when I finally got to whisk Sexyhusbandomine away for Father's Day brunch that I had A MIGRAINE THE SIZE OF THE STATE OF TEXAS. And for the record, I really wasn't going to actually kill the waitress if she didn't bring the bread basket in the next three minutes. Probably Not.

If this were not a Family Blog (Hi Nonnee) I might write more about the three hours that I did manage to whisk Sexyhusband away for...hours that involved several bloody marys and perhaps a Priceline negotiation. But I can say no more except for the fact that Sexyhusbandomine is one of the best Dad's in the world, and I love him tons. many days until Mother's Day again?


Miss Thystle said...

if you got Banana a cell phone, she wouldn't need a bell, she could just TEXT you what she needs!


Amy H. said...

on fathers day i try and let my hubs lay around and be lazy, well, this year he has got to do that for 11 days so far. nevermind that it is because he broke his tibia on a trampoline, has both of his calves sliced open to reduce swelling and a damaged artery behind his knee.

anywho, this has been a father's day for the books. Sounds like yours was too :)

ps - i hope to get back to the TOH blog soon. sorry i am a sucky trailmaster :(

pps - i LOVE someecards. and you. and thistle.

Anonymous said...

lol! The Banana has indeed been well educated.

And very sweet that you actually got some quality time (more or less) with the hubby. :)

Logical Libby said...

My husband got Father's Day sex yesterday, and gets birthday sex today. After that I think I should be done until Christmas.

And I am already training Meg never to throw up.

Something Happened Somewhere Turning said...

I went away once.

Jennifer said...

Miss Thystle is not lying. If you get your child a cellphone, they will call you from their bedrooms with it. Even if you're standing right next to them.

Kip said...

I was having the same dream, but substitute Sienna Miller for Johnny Depp. I hope we get to do the same thing on Mother's Day. It was a great day.

Blue said...

unfortunately, I have it on almost certain authority that Johney Depp has taken a job at Disneyland in Anaheim as a character roaming the park and posing with sweaty kids and their lusting mothers in photos that will end up on every mommy blog from here to Tokyo.

But that's okay, because you bagged one Unbeatable Catch of a Man. I can speak authoritatively, having met him. In fact, if he has a brother, I've got a sister! There has to be more than one way to cement our lives together (I was thinking of Gator and Banana, you know...someday.)

WV: rhols.
"I'd like to take a few rhols between the sheets with you".
("You" being strictly metaphorically speaking, natch.)