Thursday, September 09, 2010

This Is What Happens When Lorrie Goes Away...

I’m not a blogger, or even a writer. I’m just a sucker for Lorrie. I’ll do anything that she asks. Within reason. In this case, all it took was the offer of her first-born child. Honestly, how could I say no to guest blogging for her if I get CBoy?

But that does beg the question: does CBoy read his mom’s blog? Are we yet aware of the possible long-term consequences of the damage doing so would incur? Does CPS know about this? Oh well, we can cover that on another day.

Anywho, a bit about me just so you know what you’re dealing with: My name is Sheila, I am 40-something, I am married to a fabulous guy who happens to be English, and we are the not-always proud owner of a hooligan dog name Murphy. Oh, and I live in Texas.

I was having a panic attack after I agreed to do this for Lorrie, because as I mentioned earlier – I DON”T WRITE. What would I write about? Who cares about what I have to say? I barely care about what I have to say.

Should I write about the horrible heat wave we went through in August, when while sitting on our back patio having a cigarette (yes, yes…I know, I KNOW…) a squirrel dropped dead out of one of our trees? Literally died of a heat stroke and fell into my backyard. It was Day 4 of a 17-day stretch of 100+ degree days. Honestly, I’m surprised it was only the one.

Murphy thought it was Manna from Heaven, as his main purpose in life is to chase them.

No, I can’t write about that - it would be awful for ZDub, as she is a lover of all things squirrel. Plus, I felt really bad for the squirrel. I love them too. And talking about weather is boring.

Maybe instead I should I write about the current home improvement project we are undertaking. New hardwood floors in two rooms, painting and the possible purchase of grown-up dining room furniture. I want this really cool table & chairs I saw in a particular catalog because it seats 10. And it’s reasonably priced.

But the table doesn’t go with the new floors. At all. I don’t think. It might go with the new paint, and the rug, but the floors? I don’t know. I have no eye for this kind of thing.

But home improvement is also boring. If you wanted to read about that, you’d go to the DIY sites, right?

So more panic.

And then, the two topics - Weather and Home Improvement - collided in such a way that it would have been wrong to avoid discussing:

Last night after work, I got onto the ladder to begin painting the crown molding in the dining room. Dinner is on the stove, the TV is on, and the house is a general tip. Oh, and the remnants of Tropical Storm Hermine have been winding their way through the state. We had biblical rain all day, about 7-8 inches. So of course, we’re tuned in to The Weatherman.

And then, the sirens start. The TORNADO sirens. But I don't worry since we’re watching the weather and the tornado is in the downtown area, and we are a good 12-15 miles from there. Plus it’s Dallas – why should we worry?

So I continue to paint. The Weatherman is talking about the tornado, showing pictures of the tornado. The traffic helicopter is up in the air, showing the track of the tornado. So how bad could it be? The tornado will fall apart, we’ll get some wind, and I can finish my painting.

And then The Weatherman says: the tornado has crossed I-635 & is near the Galleria. Well, that is where I buy my makeup. And it’s about 3 miles from my house. So I panic. Again.

We put Murphy on his leash and head to the bathroom. Per the Tornado Safety Manual, you hide in an internal room with no outside walls, no windows, no skylights. Of course, we can’t fit in THAT room – the water heater is there. So we go to the next best thing – a bathroom with a giant mirror. Hey, nothing is perfect.

We hunker down (because that is also what you do) with the dog & the essentials: my purse, our car keys, two iPhones, hubby's wallet, and the laptop. And we sit on the bathroom floor and watch The Weatherman on WiFi.

And that begs the next question: how on earth did we make it through crises like this in the olden days? With no internet or anything? How did we know when it was OK to leave the bathroom?

Thank Heavens for wireless routers and Steve Jobs.

After ten minutes, The Weatherman gives us the all-clear. We headed straight outside and the skies were a gorgeous blue. It was sunny.

And I start painting again. The crown molding looks awesome.

(many thanks to Racie Lover for the artwork)


Something Happened Somewhere Turning said...

Well done and I am happy to read you didn't wind up in Oz. Although that's not always a bad thing.

Jennifer said...

I felt the same way when Lorrie asked me to do a spot for her. What would I write about?!?

Glad to hear that you're okay and the molding looks awesome. :)

Lorrie Veasey said...