Monday, October 29, 2007

Zoo Mail

Dear Wildlife Conservation Society,

I took my two children to the Bronx Zoo yesterday. One of the highlights of our trip (besides THE GIFT SHOP which is a highlight of any trip we take... thanks for having several of them strategically placed near the restrooms) was seeing the gorillas. But I don't just mean the fascinating family of primates you have living behind glass walls in their faux Congo setting.

We stumbled upon the Gorilla movie area--which allowed us a chance to sit down and warm up and watch a documentary about this species. This movie provided us with my children's favorite zoo experience...

"You can learn a lot from scat." says the khaki clad conservationist, happily discovering the steaming pile of excerement. The camera lingers lovingly on a tight close up, while she pulls out a pencil and begins to pick through the pile, exclaiming with each seed and berry how wonderfully "circle of life" it is. From the corner of my eye I am watching both my children watch this scene with eyes as big as saucers; they don't care if the seeds that pass through the gorilla grow new trees--they are wondering what she's gonna do with that pencil when she's done, and MOM DID YOU SEE THAT SHE TOUCHED GORILLA POOP.

And of course, now both of them want to grow up and volunteer on a preserve somewhere.

Please help save our planet. Visit http://www.wcs.org/getinvolved/takeaction

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

The Shoe Incident

Recently we discovered that Annie's seafoam colored crocs--quite possibly the ugliest shoes on the face of the planet--had been attacked by a pair of rubber handled safety scissors during nap time in Pre Kindergarten. The perpetrator who wielded the scissors had cut across from each gem hole to each gem hole--a Connect-the-Dots of vandalism. Who did it? "Fabian." The same boy who had terrorized Annie at recess by chasing her across the blacktop threatening to kiss her on the lips.

Blog flashback: I once had a favorite dress when I was Annie's age. It was a soft beige corduroy with a Siamese Cat Pattern. One day I wore it to school and Kenny Farnsworth took a yellow magic marker and drew streams of pee coming from each of the cats. It was a bad day, *shudder, * and I often wonder if Kenny ended up in juvie, or as a contestant on Project Runway. He seemed the type that would get a tattoo across his neck. But I digress.

As luck would have it, I ran into Fabian's Mom at a school event shortly after the croc incident. She introduced herself, I shook her hand.

ME: "I'm Annie's Mom. You know Annie-the shoeless urchin." (OK- I did not actually say the words "shoeless urchin." I said something to the effect of: "I'm Annie's Mom blappitty blappity blah--Your Kid cut My Kids shoes.")

FABIAN'S MOM: I Know. I Got The Letter From The Teacher.

(LONG UNCOMFORTABLE PAUSE. We stand looking at each other. It takes my brain about 2 full minutes to realize that that is ALL she is going to say about it.)

ME: Well, okay then.

FABIAN'S MOM: I asked him about it and he said he did it because your daughter told him to. He said that she forced him to do it.

(ANOTHER LONG UNCOMFORTABLE PAUSE.)

ME: Well-ok--I'm SORRY about that.

Meanwhile my brain is going 60 mph: could this be true? Is it possible that my daughter enlisted the help of this hapless boy in order to obtain her desired goal: NEW SHOES? No, no--that would be manipulative and underhanded--something my son would most definitely do, but not Annie. And while my brain is chewing this over, Fabian's mother walks away. And then I realize that she is Brilliant--because she managed to make ME apologize. When what I really should have said was: "That's a Crock."

Rimshot.

So then I went home and told Annie that if Fabian ever bothered her again, she should tell her father to handle it.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

JESSe-ism

Driving in the car- Annie, Jesse, and Jesse's friend Zack.

Me: Why so glum Jess?
Jesse (sulking): You didn't laugh at MY joke but you laughed at Annie's joke and you laughed at Zack's joke. You Don't Like Me.
Me:(Whipping around in seat) Are you kidding me? I love you! I love you and Annie and Daddy more than ANYTHING IN THE WHOLE WORLD! YOU ARE MY LIFE! I ADORE YOU ALL! I COULD NOT LIVE WITHOUT YOU!

Jesse (Turning to his friend): You DID NOT just hear that.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

CHANGING HANDS

It is my pleasure to announce that OUR NAME IS MUD was acquired by ENESCO last week. ENESCO is a great company with many well known brands and World Wide Distribution capabilities. They also have a kick ass lobby with WHITE LEATHER COUCHES and ORCHIDS. It is like I have died and gone to Giftware Heaven. And hey: God looks like Jim Shore on QVC.

Kip & I will be continuing with ONIM and steering it on it's course to World Wide Domination. One Mug at a Time. The only difference is that now we have paying jobs. Please alert the staff at PayLess Shoes that I'm a'coming.

I am excited for all the opportunities this acquisition offers. I believe under ENESCO's bright green umbrella that I will be able to explore different mediums--to grow and stretch the ONIM brand in many different ways; and to put GOOD THINGS out into the world.

For the first time in a long time I am unfettered by the things that I blamed my lack of flight for. I am free to stretch and grow and soar: if I fail to own the sky I will have no one to blame but myself. I have always had wind beneath my wings in the form of many wonderful, fabulous people-- now I have an engine; A Turbo Powered Super Speed Big Ass Engine.