Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Mama's Got a Boo Boo


Scene: 6:30 a.m. at the Veasey household. Last night's dinner dishes line the counter. Kip & Lorrie stand together at the kitchen table, looking at mysterious packets that arrived from their insurance company.

LORRIE: What does it say?
KIP: I'm trying to read it.
LORRIE: What are these things for?
KIP: I'm trying to figure out the directions.
LORRIE: This does not look good. What is this thing?
KIP: STOP MESSING UP THE STUFF.

Kip picks up a small plastic thingamabob and holds it against his middle finger and pushes a hidden button. Instantly blood begins to pour from his self inflicted wound. He holds the injured finger over a piece of cardboard with three circles on it and begins to fill each space with blood.

LORRIE: Did that hurt?
KIP: It hurt like a Mother.
LORRIE: You should do mine then, cause I'm not doing it.
KIP: You have to do it.
LORRIE: No I don't. We eat basically the same thing--our cholesterol should be pretty even.
KIP: You have to do it for the insurance company.
LORRIE: COME ON. I WOULD GIVE YOU MY PEE IF IT WERE RANDOM DRUG TESTING--GIVE ME YOUR BLOOD.
KIP: You gotta do it.
LORRIE: I'm NOT GONNA DO IT!

KIp grabs Lorrie's arm and the two wrestle about the kitchen. There is much sweating and swearing. Finally Kip manages to pin Lorrie's arm down on the table and jams the metal lance into the tiny sensitive pad of her finger. Blood splurts. She collapses, betrayed and defeated, and allows him to drip her lifeblood onto the three tiny circles on the card that he will send to the insurance company.

LORRIE: I can't believe you just did that to me.
KIP: For the record, I'm not going with you when you have to get a colonoscopy.

3 comments:

Kip said...

I would not need your pee for a random drug test, by the way.

Lorrie Veasey said...

Yes, but I would give it to you if you did. That goes for my spit in the event of a random paternity test, too. XO

Tash said...

Right but the whole scene in the kitchen made me laugh and then I read your comments and all I have to say is you two are well met! I wish this post were a video on You Tube...the scene is hilarious