Monday, October 13, 2008

Disco Bath


We like to keep things interesting here at Chez Veasey. One of our favorite bathtime traditions involves glow sticks. Michaels sells a tube of fifteen for a buck. We like to fill our bath with bubbles and then add the whole tube of the neon colored variety. Then we turn down the lights and crank up the Bee Gees. Usually, The Spawn are Very Clean and Very Wrinkled when I remember to remove them from the bath.

We started this tradition when CBoy was two, using the larger and thicker green glow sticks. I left him alone for literally a nano-second (let's say; the time it takes to refill a glass) and returned to find he had bitten through one of them. Like a scene from The Toxic Avenger, he opened his mouth in a silent scream and it was filled with neon green nuclear-looking gloop.

Luckily I had poison control on speed dial. Turns out glow sticks are totally non-toxic. You could eat them... WHICH IS A GOOD THING; BECAUSE HE DID. His poop was the same shade as The Joker's hair for the next week.

Tonight, The Spawn are enjoying a disco bath when I hear the following SWEAR TO GAWD IT'S TRUE conversation:

CBOY: Oh look! If I put it behind my penis it makes it glow!!
BANANA: You can do so much stuff with your penis. I can't do anything with my vagina.

At which point Sexyhusbandomine looks over at me and suggests I give the children some regular bath toys.

29 comments:

Miss Thystle said...

time for seperate bath times!

Relatedly, aren't you glad she thinks her vajayjay is useless!

Debbie said...

I say leave them together. Takes a little of the mystique out and that might be a good thing. But seriously, how did you keep from laughing and falling into the tub with them?

Jennifer said...

OMG...I cannot even begin to put into words how hard I'm laughing right now. I'm sure the Pinot Noir I had for dinner is not helping make it less funny...

Spatula said...

Disco bath - that's just brilliant, y'all. The only improvement I can recommend is giving them a waterproof camera.

kwr221 said...

omigodomigodomigod. If I pee on my couch right now,it's ALL YOUR FAULT.

And my persistent 10 year old wants to know why I'm laughing out loud.

She's very insistent. What should I tell her?

I really don't think I can relay the penis vagina exchange and if I tell her it's a LOLCat, she'll want to see it.

Can you understand my dilemma here?

Spatula said...

P.S. Camera in the context of separate bath times! I meant, to document glowy, totally G-rated glowstick grooviness! Not any glowing body parts. I posted my comment and then realized I sound like I'm encouraging you to encourage your children to make porn and I DIDN'T MEAN TO OH CHRIST WHERE IS MY DRINK.

Mambinki said...

This is too funny and yes it might be time for separate bath times!

I love the idea of a disco bath and may have to do it myself one of these days.

Bj in Dallas said...

IM GOING TO TAKE A DISCO BATH MYSELF!!! that is too clever, and at least they use the correct names instead of winkie and vajama
(swear Ive heard these)
One time M2 came running out of the bathroom and yelled Mama come see this! Daddy has a tail!!!

p.s. when/where is blogslurr?

Blue said...

See Lorrie, this is why i come to your blog. it's a RARE AND PRECIOUS THING to read something that actually makes me laugh outright! And you do that...more often than not. Or rather your perfect children do.

and i needed that laugh today, because SWEET FANCY MOSES do I ache. I mean EVERY LITTLE Bit of me aches. I ache with the ache of ages. I ache with the ache of youth, lost innocence, torture, death, and empty Nutella jars. I can't recall ever feeling this sore. Childbirth has NOTHIN' on how I ache today. from my neck to my toes. I can't understand the neck part either...or the arms. I really just don't know what to make of it. I walk like the freakin' hunchback of Notre Dame character...all hunchy and lurchy. I can barely stand up.

And all without alcohol.

So i've been on laptop in bed all day. it's 7:35 and i should probalby feed my chil'ns and put them to bed. cause schools still starting in the morning, and i can't deal with cranky.

Wish me luck as i maneuver my achin' body out of this spot. If you don't hear from me again it means I didn't make it. My favorite flowers are....uh, well, I actually don't have a favorite. But please..in lieu of flowers, send good wishes up for the bunchkins. they'll need lots of help. no joke.

Megan said...

Fantastic. Utterly fantastic.

I think I need to look into those glow sticks for my almost 5 year old... who bathes alone... :)

le said...

hee hee hee ... I am loving this !!

Cboy might have a future career as a performer in the origami pupetry of the penis show - do you have that in the states - sure you must ...

and sorry BJ we do have penis winkies and girlie winkies in our house ...

and I think they can bath together forever and a day if that makes em happy !

this post nearly made me choke on my baskin robbins cookie dough ice cream ... when one travels for work one must have some little luxaries...le xoxoxo

Bj in Dallas said...

YOU HAVE BASKIN ROBBINS IN AUSTRAILIA?? thats weird...

Nonnee said...

Jennifer - the Pinot had nothing to do with it - I am rolling on the floor on OJ (sans anything)!!!

I'm off to buy new bath toys!

kwr221 said...

BJ - I thought the exact same thing! :-)

Miss Thystle said...

We're not going to start wearing prarie dresses, right? Because other than that I'm all down with Big Blog Love.

Can we get a blog sugar daddy, too?

zakary said...

Holy shit, that's funny.

And I want to take a glowstick bath.

No penises allowed.

TJ said...

I think I need a good disco bath, but I also would like mine penis free.

Racie Lover said...

I don't have chilins to bathe in any shape or form. I think I might just pick up some glow sticks on my way home from work today and put one in Paco's bourbon-on-the-rocks and see what happens. The new swizzle sticks might catch his eye and then we can have our own version of Disco Bath. Sans children, of course.

Natasha said...

Seriously I need a disco bath in my life ... My daughter already loves the bath - she plays mad scientist and kicks and screams when we remove her from her water world - if we add glow sticks she might never come out!

I had NO idea these fabulous toys make the penis glow. Oh hubby, I want to test something...hehehehe
wild night at the old Nacho household

Katy said...

HAHAH that is so amusing! I need to try the disco bath with my step daughter, it's a great idea!

JenX67 said...

i'm totally stealing this idea. sully is going to be in hog heaven!

JenX67 said...

i navigated here, inititally, b/c i liked the name. i thought it stood up against all the peeps out there trying to come up with clever (NOT) names.

second, i've always wondered why someone as creative as you with the whole art/pottery/humor going on didn't have a completely knock-you-off-your-butt design. Your content is great and begs for a design that will be more memorable. I think that's it - your content is unforgettable, but the design, not memorable. i look forward to seeing what you come up with! There are great designs out there. My blog gets junked up sometimes. My masthead is always busy - so that's a challenge to keep the rest clean. I like very clean lines and I like homey looking blogs vs. the ones that you know are getting outsourced - like Pioneer Woman. They come off looking VERY VERY staged and professional, which can distract people and actually detract them - I think anyway. Content over design, always, but both are important. does this rambling help??? also, picture of you. peeps like to know who is talking - but i know - some peeps are into privacy. no argument from me there.

Le @ Third on the Right said...

So ona completey different matter ... I am home ...So first thing home after pj-ing the babes and getting them off to the land of nod ... MIC drew the giveaway.


And the winner is .... Fe .... as nominated by EasternMax and Lorrie .... ya girls !! Thanks Lorrie

Also BJ we might be at the end of the earth but yes we have all the Baskins Robbins flavours ... what I really want to know is if you have pupetry of the penis ... le xoxo

kip said...

why does everyone from Australia have a two word name that ends in e?

kwr221 said...

Kip, you're right.

I'm not from Australia, but I LOVE the accent, so maybe I could just be Ki - although if you want that, I could just be Kr.

Does that work?

Bj in Dallas said...

would I be BE?

Le @ Third on the Right said...

so funny - yes we are le, dee and Fe ... it's an aussie thing - we don't do full names - or if we do we add a 'o' on the end - you know ...

Marko

Daveo

Johno

or a 'y' or 'e''

like

Stu-y

Gregie

Bevie

We are just lazy speakers when all is said and done ...

so bye-o from le - o

danaetc said...

Just wait until she realizes she can do (and get) ANYTHING with her vagina! It is like having super powers!

Debra W said...

Okay, so you just made coke spray out of my nose...ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?

I'm going to change my shirt now...

Love you,
Deb