Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Gonna Dress You Up in My Love



When I was seven, my BFF and I decided to be a pair of dice for Halloween. Our crafty mothers got large cardboard boxes and cut armholes in them. They painted them white and glued black dots made from construction paper to each side.

Just before I left the house to join my friend, my mother suggested a last minute addition. Grabbing a large black marker from the kitchen junk drawer, she carefully drew two dots on my left cheek, six dots on my right, and :: on my chin.

Later, when my only wish was to slip into a candy induced coma, I went to wash the dots off my face. In her enthusiasm, my mother had used a large black PERMANENT Marks-Alot Marker--the kind you can smell two states away, that can successfully be used on 100 washes of laundry.

When she discovered the markings were impervious to her Ponds Cold Cream, she caressed my cheeks gently with a steel SOS brillo pad. I still went to school the next day wearing two black dots on my left cheek, six on my right and :: on my chin.

Luckily, I had a full supply of miniature Hershey bars to dull the pain.

This is not even my worst Halloween costume story. If my father were not a regular reader of this blog (Hi Dad) I would be tempted to write about the Halloween when I was 22, and new to the city, and dressed up as a lobster, and went to the wrong address for what I thought was a Halloween party. I didn't figure it out for awhile because all the people around me were dressed in leather. It was only after the third time someone called me Mistress Lobster that I discovered I was at a club called The Dungeon. And that's all I'm gonna say about that. (Hi again Dad.)

This year: ComplicatedBoy would like to be a robot. But not a cardboard box robot, or even a Johnny Five Robot. He wants a Terminator meets Justin Timberlake robot. He wants a silver suit, shirt and tie with just flashes of electronics showing through-I believe he suggested fiber optics. Most importantly--the costume requires A WORKING JET PACK. I'm thinking this year I will not be able to leave the whole thing to the tenth hour and then pull it out of my butt: the way I whipped a yard of faux fur into a teenage werewolf last year.

21 comments:

david kramer said...

You better start working on that costume because there aint enough Hersey minatures to dull the pain if his costume doesn't turn out right.
DK

JenX67 said...

oh, geez - i've made that mistake with permanent markers. it was really fun when my son took a hot pink sharpie to the sofa.

Megan said...

I agree with DK... CB will need quite the supply of candy and cash to soothe the raw emotion from his jet pack short circuiting and catching that silver suit on fire. And then won't you be upset when you have to toss your mighty tall glass of wine on him to put out the flames? THAT would be a damn shame, all the way around!

Blue said...

oh lorrie! that's it. i'm going to have to blog my memories of halloween now. it's gonna be great. just like your experience at the lobster party.

there's no way you're pushin' 50! i don't believe you. maybe you meant the next mug down in the series.

I'd be willing to part with it though. Maybe in December when it no longer applies, I'll host a give-away on my blog. That'd rake 'em in! I'd have to start running ads on my site, cause I'm sure I could top $3 a month! ;-)

Love the stories. Keep 'em comin!
(hey, what with all the "g" droppin' goin' on right here right now, maybe I should run for president!)

Spatula said...

Hah, I put off relevant internet purchases for too long, and will now have to construct a Marge Simpson wig from scratch somehow. Now, where can I get a sheep?

Bj in Dallas said...

rainbow wigs cure so many problems in my life.......
My Gfriend and I take the kids t/treating, and we dress up too.
I have a black afro wig the size of a hula hoop that bounces when I walk, and i'm thinking that one is coming out this year....
pics may be a possibility...
tell CB rocket packs are illegal in the city......you gotta pull out all the stops sometimes...
what is the B going to be? Miss New York is a good one (and easy) M2 was Miss Texas last year...
talent portion was how much candy can you score...

PearlsOfSomething said...

Brillo pad?!?! OMG. When I was 12-ish and freaking out about pores, I scrubbed real hard with a *wash cloth* and wound up going to school with rug burn on my face. I can't believe you weren't scarred for life. Unless you were and are just trying to avoid having the entire memory resurface, in which case I'm sorry I said anything.

I was going to make my children Avatar costumes this year. I have 4 kids. It's October 9th. Our development will trick or treat on Oct. 26th. I think it's time to discuss Plan B. (Not the morning after pill. That can wait a few more years. Like till I'm dead.)

I steal my kids' peanut butter cups.

kwr221 said...

Isn't PA weird in that they TorT on a different day!?
WTF. Hallowen is 10/31, people!

Bj in Dallas said...

ps.

drinking coffee out of the
GET ME THE CLOWN SUIT and it makes me smile........

Le @ Third on the Right said...

Well hasn't Cboy just got a new tee ... what else can the lad possibly want - any it's named after him too .... I think is cup runth over ...

and you and the bondage club (sorry dad) ... a mistake - NOT ... fer sure baby !! le

PS I am now wishing we did halloween ... I want a pumpkin head too ... wahhh

Jennifer said...

Hahahaha...permanent marker! That sounds like something I'd do!

Wow...CBoy has some lofty expectations for his costume, doesn't he? It must be nice being a kid and thinking your parents can actually handle the logistics of making a working jet pack. Haha...

Nonnee said...

The reason CB and The B make such mind boggling requests is that you DO pull it off! They think -rightly so - that you can do it all. Nonnee

PearlsOfSomething said...

Lol. The state hasn't moved Halloween, but our development lacks sidewalks and street lights, while it's loaded with drainage swales along each road. And bears. Night ToTing is dangerous, so we have Sunday Afternoon Halloween.

We'll do Fake Halloween on the 26th then head out of the development on the 31st. I'm not too proud to double dip.

Miss Thystle said...

Oh, you think that's bad? hmm? M wants to be a SEXY fairy. Or a SEXY witch. I'm all, uh, you're thirteen. You sleep with a blankie. There is definately a law that says you may NOT BE SEXY. Furthermore? Here's a refridgerator box. Now, you're a homeless guy for Halloween. AN UNSEXY homeless guy.

kwr221 said...

My Dad's neighborhood in Bethlehem always trick or treated on some weird day, too. And they have sidewalks and stuff. No bears, even.

kwr221 said...

Oh, and I've given up my crafty wand. Now I let them peruse the Party City catalog and BUY one.

:::hanging head in shame:::

But in my defense, in the past, I have made a dracula cape, a Bam Bam Flintstone costume, and several others that have apparently flown outn of my flawed memory.

kwr221 said...

My favorite adult costume - for those of us that are lazy and tired and would rather not traipse around the neighborhood? - a fuzzy pink bathrobe, slippers, curlers in my hair and Noxema on my face. :-) No, I am not proud.

I'm just hoping that it's another mild night, so my favorite neighbor and I can sit together at the end of our driveways with our folding chairs and a big bottle of chardonnay. :-)

Racie Lover said...

Just please don't let any of your children still be trick or treating when they're 19 or 20 years old and show up at the neighbor's door with a brown grocery bag saying "Give me all your candy or I'll burn your house down."

There is just something fundamentally disturbing about an adult trick or treating, shoving the little children out of the way to get the goods. I always tell them to get off my porch and go get a J-O-B.

Lorrie Veasey said...

Yay- Nonnee is Best Mother In Law in the World and now able to comment!!

Le- I am sorry that you Aussie's don't get to celebrate Halloween but we don't get to celebrate National Kangeroo Day, so it's fair.

Blue: I'm Forty. Just like I've been the past 5 years.

All of you gals just Crack Me Up. Starting Monday, I am going to begin a regular series where I just suggest a topic. Thystle: you get to be Whoopie.

Racie Lover said...

Bring on the weekly topic. My fingers are ready!

BTW, Lorrie, I wrote Chapter Two of the Mary and Pete lovefest. I think it's your turn to try your hand at Chapter 3. If you're too busy taking care of your children and husband and running your business, though, I will man your blog for you. I work cheap- just flip me a couple burgers and break out the Ripple.

Addyson said...

Interesting post..! I hope everyone has a fabulous Halloween.