Tuesday, October 07, 2008

The Clinic: Not Just For Unwed Pregnant Teens


Went to the doctor today. The following are bits of ACTUAL DIALOGUE that occurred between myself and the Male Nurse.

NURSE: How are you today Mrs. Veasey?
ME: Fine thanks, how are you?
NURSE: You're lying like a rug, aren't you?
ME: Well, actually I have had a headache for FIFTEEN DAYS.
NURSE: I pity Mr. Veasey.
(Laughs through his nose at his own joke)
NURSE: On the scale of 1-10 and looking at this smiley face chart, what is your pain level?
ME: I would say right now, I am at about a 4.
NURSE: Here's a tip: if you bump it up to 8 the doc might give you Vicadin.

27 comments:

Ms. Moon said...

And did you?

Lorrie Veasey said...

Actually no. Who needs Vicodin when you've got two bottles of pinot in the fridge I always say.

Debbie said...

This is too funny. And I agreee with you - self-medicating with a nice vintage is always better.

Anonymous said...

OMG, was that the male nurse, the hispanic one who ALWAYS flirts with me? The one I always think of as "Nurse Inappropriate"?

I swear to god he tried to ask me out once when I was there for an asthma attack.

Now he just hits me up for free legal advice.

Did you get the vicodin? If you did I bet he asked you for some...

Hope you are feeling better.

Boobs

Spatula said...

I try to think of the universe as a place of abundance and peace, so in my opinion, there is no need for an either/or duality where it comes to wine and Vicodin. OOOOOOOMMMMMMM, etc.

Jennifer said...

Hahahahaha...that is awesome!

Debra W said...

Wow, some nurses know all the tricks! Did you mention his little "tip" to the doctor? Just wondering...

I hope your headache is getting better!

Hugs,
Deb

Mrs. B. Roth said...

I am SO sorry your head hurts. I hate headaches most of all. I was at a point where I was getting a couple migraines a week - I gave the old chiropractor a try and even though it was expensive and I was and still am pretty skeptical, it really worked for me. I've started getting headaches again, haven't seen him for about 6 months, but I'm thinking I should go in and use up some of my insurance benefits before year's end.

Doesn't alcohol make headaches worse?

Shonda Little said...

I had a headache for my entire second pregnancy. You have my sympathy.
Also, you have my envy for your awesome nurse. I've never had my doc's nurse coach me on the best way to score hopped up drugs. That's what I call service.

Le @ Third on the Right said...

And I thought service in the medical industry was dead !!

So do I get a gay vibe coming thru here ... I don't know many hetro males who are this caring ...

my oh my - makes me shake my head and wonder ... le

Le @ Third on the Right said...

And I hope it's not a tumour ...

JenX67 said...

Re: Le's comment - or that sarcastic

kwr221 said...

I suggest you drink. And sleep.
And banish that headache.

My personal cure for all things sucky today?

A 16 oz batch of homemade french onion dip (the kind made with sour cream and lipton onion soup) and a 6 pack of Brooklyn lager.

No I haven't eaten and drunk the whole thing.

Yet.

Megan said...

Um, what's the smiley face chart?

And I was definitely getting the vibe too... :)

Bj in Dallas said...

HEY I love that nurse! Thats like insider trading knowlege....
My gyno clinic are all lesbian doctors, down to Dr. P who delivered M2. Bothers everyone but me....and they have really great short hair cuts....
Headaches suck....I would have gone for the vicadin just to keep wayyyy back in the cabinet just for emergencies...or when strangers show up wearing rainbow clown wigs.....

Blue said...

those charts have always amused me.

"How bad is your pain?" the doctor asks.

How do I respond to that? Is their question based just on all the pain I've personally experienced (as if this would supply any kind of point of reference for them), or do they want me to include the realm of pain that I've only dared let myself imagine? Some tenth concentric ring of torturous hell reserved for those special last moments right before you succumb to blissful unconsciousness or death itself?

I ask, because even though I'm pretty tough, I know that the worst is probably yet to come in life. I usually tell them "three or four...but I have a pretty high pain tolerance!", sighting my drug-free child births as an example.

(For the record, if I ever have another child, you can bet I'll be drinking whatever pain relief cocktail the doctors are serving. I don't need to be a hero any more.)

Hoping today feels better than yesterday Miz Lorrie! ♥

Downbeat said...

Yeesh! Feel better soon! And if not, go back to the doctor with an 8.5 and get that Vicodin.

P.S. Doesn't wine make headaches worse?

Racie Lover said...

The nurse asked me the same thing right after I came out of my sinus surgery a couple of weeks ago. I was in so much pain all I could do was grab her by her scrub collar, pull her down to my prone, pain-racked body and whisper "do I look like I can count to 10 right now?"

I woke up three days later, feeling lots better.

Miss Thystle said...

You know, if you'd gotten the vicodin's you could have probably traded them for seats on the subway or bribed the guy that lives behind the garbage can to stop peeing on your feet or something.

OR you could have sent them to me.

Just saying.

kwr221 said...

Tif, no wine make everything better1 :-)

Too much wine might make a headache worse..... but really, is there such a thing as too much wine?

danaetc said...

The nurse has obviously said "8" moer than once! Was he drunk or on the Vicadin himself?

Lorrie Veasey said...

Turns out I have a pinched nerve. Got it on my last trip to Shy-town two weeks ago by falling asleep in an awkward position: yet another danger of flying that the general public is not aware of. It's painful. Drive or take the train if you can. But so glad IT IS NOT A BRAIN TUMOR!!!!! (thanks Le.)

Le @ Third on the Right said...

well there you go _ I'm gald it's not a tumour ... I was going to share my headache remedy ... will anyways ...

An organism works well for me - hard to manage when you have a headache at work - then I usually use chcolate and decaf coffee ...

But when home .... I think it is all the good endorphines that get let loose ...

Ask BLUE - what does DOC say about this remedy ...

So get better soon - and next time you travel pinch someone elses nerve - if you have the nerve ... le xoxoxo

Le @ Third on the Right said...

this of course was orgasim .... my fingers don't seem to keep pace with my brain ... maybe I have a headache .... MIC where are you baby .... le xoxo

Le @ Third on the Right said...

MIC has his own remedy - he has just shared with me - a number two bombs away drop - how male ...

Le @ Third on the Right said...

After that ommision I don't have a headache anymore ...

Is multiple comments back and forward to yourself on someone elses blog acceptable ...

Or is it too intrusive - Lorrie will tell me to go home when I outstay my welcome I am sure :) le

Lorrie Veasey said...

MIC! Come get Le. She's drunk and horny and playing with her computer again. MIC.....o MIC........is that man in the bathroom AGAIN?