Wednesday, December 10, 2008

5 Reasons I LoST My BLoG MoJo


So-in case you missed it on the post below, this comment was left for me by my very dear friend, Anonymous:

I miss the good old days when there were things to read on this blog. Not just one contest after another. :(

And you know what really gets me? THE FROWNY FACE. I'd rather a pile of passionate hate mail than that Powerful Indicator of Total Sadness. It means Anonymous is no longer Feeling The <3 (that's a heart, you know, for L O V E).

As always, Anonymous is correct. I can't say I have been doing my best blogging as of late--so I will do what I usually do when confronted with a hard truth such as this: PLACE BLAME ELSEWHERE. Here now, dear readers, are the top 5 reasons why my blog has lost its Mojo of late.

1. MY CHILDREN REFUSE TO DO ANYTHING INTERESTING.
Lately, everything they have had to say has been totally high-larious, but I recently discovered it is because they have been memorizing Hannah Montanna scripts verbatim. (Which may also explain why the other day in the middle of a meeting with a very important client, I personally exclaimed: "Sweet Nibblets." )

2. WORK IS...
Well, actually I can't really blog about work. But I can tell you that sitting down to design something like a magnet program can take DAYS and DAYS and ALL my brain power has to go to avoiding using sayings like "Put your big girl panties on and deal with it" or "PMS is the only time I get to be myself." I hope this gives you new appreciation for the keychains sold at your local gift store next time you visit--someone else's blog suffered so that you could enjoy saying like "I chose the road less traveled and now I don't know where the hell I am."

3. PEPPERMINT BARK
Seriously. Oprah is not the only one who is guilty of back sliding into weight gain. And while they deflated on the jenny Craig diet , my boobs have now begun to swell like a Macys Day Parade balloon and they are ALWAYS IN THE WAY. Especially the right one. And that's all I have to say about that, except if you see me--please--don't ask for a hug. There is no place to put these things.

4. I AM WRITING A BOOK.
Not doing that too well write now either (intentional puns should be worth something, no?) Our book will include s-e-x, which means that I have to think back and try to remember exactly who gets tied up. My point being, again, super brain powers diverted elsewhere.

5. SOBRIETY
I have been trying to lay off the sauce and as a result the literary wheels have become a bit squeaky: let's just say they turn best when lubricated with a good Pinot Grigio. ( Anonymous would probably show up to my intervention with a nice boxed Chard. She's like that.) So anyhooo, stone cold sober blog topics that have come to mind but I have not posted include "In Defense of Christmas Sweaters" and "Elf on the Shelf: Great New Tradition or Major Pain in the Ass". So you can see how when given the choice, I might go for the giveaway.

But I promise, dear readers, to try to do better going forward.......

38 comments:

SOMETHING HAPPENED SOMEWHERE TURNING said...

I don't know if my children have an original thought. They seem to do the same thing yours do. And I gained 10 lbs. since my last hospital visit (plus my breast are really killing me). The Book - I have no focus - what with the health and all. I don't care what frowny face says, I still heart you.

Logical Libby said...

Genius can't be rushed... But if you need a box of wine let me know.

supah ~d said...

I love contests and I already enjoyed your writers block bloggin good for nothing excuses. :) Sometimes we all step back for a while. All the better to come back and Wham! tHROW SOME GOOD <3 out there in the writing form.

I gets you. :)

I totally want to enter a contest. So contest away while you sober up, revisit sex, wait for sticky kid situations and such.

:) d

Spatula said...

*looks around, tentatively raises hand* I want to read your defense of Christmas sweaters!

Sheree said...

Kids. Work. Book. Booze. Blog. And huge breasts. Lorrie, you KNOW I want to be just like you when I grow up and God knows, I'm tryin!

Now that I know it can't be done as flawlessly as you've made it look, I'm a little bit off the hook. Your confession has set me free.

Your mojo isn't lost, baby. It's just a little tired.

Oh, and I'll be in NY next month and WILL expect a hug. We'll get those puppies out of the way somehow.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

Did someone say "Pinot Grigio"?

zakary said...

I agree with Anonymous. I'm going to need you to stop being so goddamn creative all the time and earning a living because I need stories on this here blog! Everyday! And knock it off with the giveaways. Free stuff sucks!

I heart you, Lorrie. I can send Zoe to visit if you need some material.

XO~Z

PearlsOfSomething said...

Anonymous smells bad.

My kids have been terribly boring, too. Not that that's a bad thing for *me, but it is for my blog. I'd try to make something up, but I'm not nearly as creative as they are.

Chandra said...

Anonymous is wrong. That's all I'm going to say!

Bj in Dallas said...

there is always a little bit of you in every blog you post,,,,
thought mine were getting boring too, must get past football season and then on with things at hand....

come play word verification with me and Kreg and Something Happened at Shindig...its fun

Bj in Dallas said...

or maybe its time for Blogslurr...

Rachael said...

I say, have the Pinot and then...go ahead and tell us about the Christmas sweaters.

Jane! said...

Well, that was depressing. And giving you $hit at this point would be like kicking a puppy. A stone sober puppy. And since I can't give you a hug well, I guess I will just have to go tap a box in your honor.

Le @ third on the right and cold peas said...

don't fret it loved one ....it's swings and roundabouts .... and you know really just go somewhere else you unhappy folk - there is like only 10 trillion million blogs out there to discover ... blah.

I love all the lorrie facets - the comps, the wit, the kids and of course the dear SHOY ... le xoxox

KLS said...

We love you all the same and you know we'll be right here waiting with chilled wine! All I can think about to blog lately is about people who annoy me, but those people also read my blog. So you get pictures of my dog dressed up like santa instead.

Jennifer said...

I have the solution to your problems...go to my blog and make yourself the drink I have posted there: Peppermint Patty. It's extremely good, very festive and could get those wheels turning again.

And, just so you know, Elf On The Shelf? It is a major pain in the ass. Totally agree with you on that one.

Racie Lover said...

Why don't you invite your loyal followers to be Guest Bloggers? Give us a topic and let us write a blog about it and you pick the one you like best. That will be the prize because (shameless kiss-up here) there could be no greater prize, honor or achievement in the Hall of Blog Fame than to be your Guest Blogger.

Seriously, why not give us a topic and see who comes up with your fav?

tjames said...

Racie's idea is a good one. Have anonomous be guest

rpc said...

How come Anonymous hasn't posted the link to their own, doubtless outstanding blog?

Miss Thystle said...

I say we put on our Gaudiest Xmas sweaters, break out the peppermint bark and a box-o-wine and then make the elf on the shelf do dirty wrong things with the Lipstick Fairy.

In the interest of art, of course.

Lucky Wife said...

I bet Anonymous also complains about the taxes you pay on winning the lotto, you know that FREE money you won by picking a number. What a d-bag :-)
She's just mad that she hasn't won anything. My guess is she never had the winning ticket for anything ever.

Kr√ęg said...

Hey, if it's any consolation, I came to this party a bit late, and as far as I knew, there was NEVER anything to read on this blog. :) Or ANY blog for that matter.

I do like the idea of guest-posts though, as long as you provide a topic to your guest authors. Although that may require more thought than refrigerator magnet themes.

Rachel@just another day in paradise said...

still thinking your great, but I am fairly new here. You're right. Sobriety is highly overrated. gave you an award. (I tend not to use pronouns at all when commenting, is that weird??)

Hi, I'm Amy! said...

Awe. I think your posts are interesting and amusing... always.

Do you like my new picture? :)

sheila said...

I love your blog, whether you have Mojo or not. I get excited any time I see a new blog post from my favorite posters -- and that's YOU!!

Now go put on a Christmas sweater, pour a glass of Pinot Grigio & watch a Christmas special with your kids. While looking for that hidden Elf...

As Bj would say, Love Lour Guts!!

sheila said...

Well, actually she would say Love Your Guts...

(i wish this had spell-check)

BooBs said...

Don't knock those knockers baby. In my opinion, they look FABULOUS!

But I'd really like to hear your defense of the holiday sweater some time....

kwr221 said...

I LOVE contests. ;-) But I would love to join a discussion about holiday sweater.

We could throw in opinions on Disney character sweatshirts on anyone over 9, as well.

BooBs said...

Turn that frown upside down Laurie :)
I love hearing from anonymous too...I just wish he'd leave his name....
DK

BooBs said...

Turn that frown upside down Laurie :)
I love hearing from anonymous too...I just wish he'd leave his name....
DK

Anonymous said...

I got my fix! I feel better already... <3

Shonda Little said...

I'm already in a foul mood, an epically foul mood. So, I want to tell this person to suck it.

I love your posts, don't get me wrong. But, I also understand writer's block -AND- I love free shit.! You're blog rocks my face off!

JenX67 said...

Wow. You got a sad facey. That sucks. Seriously, though, I can make you feel better. After I wrote the post, "Thanksgiving?" in which I whine and act pissy about inlaws, etc., I got an anonymous TEXT message on my WORK cell phone admonishing me to tell GOD how thankful I am...blah, blah, blah.

I mean, if someone has something to say, why not sign your name?

You're blessed with a tremendous sense of humor. The book will sell.

I walked into Hallmark b/f Thanksgiving - in search of a present for a boy's birthday party, which was next door at Laser Tag. There on the shelf was your stuff, which reminds me, I MUST post pics of the Thanksgiving platter you sent. I took them, and they just got lost in the mix after my brother got sick and my grandmother passed away. (Sorry. I did mean to say thank you.)

Anyway, I pointed to your stuff, and exclaimed, "I KNOW HER!" My daughter didn't believe me and neither did the store clerk, and now I own a Lorrie Veasey that I didn't win in a contest (which I love them by the way) and it's the Football place. So poo-poo on anonymous sad facey. Ha!

Racie Lover said...

I honestly do not understand someone leaving comments and not having some sort of identity other than 'Anonymous'. To me that smacks of cowardice.

Most of us put ourselves out here in the blogosphere and open our hearts up to hopefully make folks laugh, cry, seek a little truth and maybe even get some things off our chest. "Anonymous" certainly has some interesting, thought-provoking things to say but as long as they continue to hide behind a vail of secrecy I, for one, do not intend to take their comments seriously. If you have an opinion, why not step up to the plate, introduce yourself and stop hiding, for Pete's sake?

One of Webster's definition of anonymous is the following:
"Lacking individuality, distinction, or recognizability"

I'll probably get some hate mail now from "Anonymous" but not to worry. Since they won't identify themselves, I will ignore it.

kwr221 said...

I feel a strong urge to kick some Anonymous Ass...
Lorrie, we've got your back!

Braja said...

That's better: I agree, I love to hear your voice. Giveaways, meh :) Keep on my lovely Lorrie, keep on. The sauce, that is :)

Debra W said...

Lorrie,

I kinda just like knowing that you are out there even if you are busy with other stuff(How DARE you have a life outside of entertaining your blog readers!) and even if you are distracted by "life". Did Anon forget that this is YOUR blog, not hers(somehow I don't think a guy would do the frowny face thing, but I might be mistaken) and that if you want to give stuff away all day then so be it?

You are awesome, my friend! And like I have said before, I like coming here just because I like you! So there!

MWAH!

Big hugs,
Deb

Not Fainthearted said...

OK. Catching up today. And this made me laugh. 'Tis the season for writers' sludge, but this was nicely put. Also, I think I may have all those same reasons, but sadly for the two people that still read my blog (not counting ME) I do not hold contests.

Such is life.