Wednesday, December 10, 2008
5 Reasons I LoST My BLoG MoJo
So-in case you missed it on the post below, this comment was left for me by my very dear friend, Anonymous:
I miss the good old days when there were things to read on this blog. Not just one contest after another. :(
And you know what really gets me? THE FROWNY FACE. I'd rather a pile of passionate hate mail than that Powerful Indicator of Total Sadness. It means Anonymous is no longer Feeling The <3 (that's a heart, you know, for L O V E).
As always, Anonymous is correct. I can't say I have been doing my best blogging as of late--so I will do what I usually do when confronted with a hard truth such as this: PLACE BLAME ELSEWHERE. Here now, dear readers, are the top 5 reasons why my blog has lost its Mojo of late.
1. MY CHILDREN REFUSE TO DO ANYTHING INTERESTING.
Lately, everything they have had to say has been totally high-larious, but I recently discovered it is because they have been memorizing Hannah Montanna scripts verbatim. (Which may also explain why the other day in the middle of a meeting with a very important client, I personally exclaimed: "Sweet Nibblets." )
2. WORK IS...
Well, actually I can't really blog about work. But I can tell you that sitting down to design something like a magnet program can take DAYS and DAYS and ALL my brain power has to go to avoiding using sayings like "Put your big girl panties on and deal with it" or "PMS is the only time I get to be myself." I hope this gives you new appreciation for the keychains sold at your local gift store next time you visit--someone else's blog suffered so that you could enjoy saying like "I chose the road less traveled and now I don't know where the hell I am."
3. PEPPERMINT BARK
Seriously. Oprah is not the only one who is guilty of back sliding into weight gain. And while they deflated on the jenny Craig diet , my boobs have now begun to swell like a Macys Day Parade balloon and they are ALWAYS IN THE WAY. Especially the right one. And that's all I have to say about that, except if you see me--please--don't ask for a hug. There is no place to put these things.
4. I AM WRITING A BOOK.
Not doing that too well write now either (intentional puns should be worth something, no?) Our book will include s-e-x, which means that I have to think back and try to remember exactly who gets tied up. My point being, again, super brain powers diverted elsewhere.
I have been trying to lay off the sauce and as a result the literary wheels have become a bit squeaky: let's just say they turn best when lubricated with a good Pinot Grigio. ( Anonymous would probably show up to my intervention with a nice boxed Chard. She's like that.) So anyhooo, stone cold sober blog topics that have come to mind but I have not posted include "In Defense of Christmas Sweaters" and "Elf on the Shelf: Great New Tradition or Major Pain in the Ass". So you can see how when given the choice, I might go for the giveaway.
But I promise, dear readers, to try to do better going forward.......