Friday, December 12, 2008

WHaT'S oN YouR RaCK? In Defense of Christmas Sweaters

Those of you who are fans of www.missthystle.com know that one of her very favorite things to blog about is her baby feeders, her boulders, her cantaloupes...Her Rack. Amongst other Questionable Images, Thystle has posted pictures of her rib bumpers straining to be freed from a $5 translucent Old Navy Tshirt, shown a close up of her devil's dumplings splattered with hot sauce from sloppy taco eating, and shared her jahoobies crammed into a violet lace bra. Not to be outdone by Miss Thystle, and in the interest of keeping all three of my male readers: I felt it was time to share a shot of my Berthas:



Why, Yes Virginia...THAT IS A CHRISTMAS SWEATER I AM WEARING. With Snowmen.

It is time for me to shatter the myths and rail against the prejudice surrounding these fine garments. It's time we stop making these knitted testaments to the Holiday Spirit the brunt of bad jokes and the focus of satirical office parties. It's time we tell Stacy and Clinton they are full of Reindeer Poop.

If you are still hiding in the closet along with a knitted garment that features Nutcrackers or Xmas Trees, I say: Come Out. There is no shame in your knitware adorned with beads, glitter, sequins or bells. No longer should you have to fear the taunts of insensitive people who say you look like a dorky 2nd grade substitute teacher.

We all know that wardrobe effects attitude. Just ask the people who work at Dressed For Success, who would not return my phone calls regarding this matter.

Decking the chesticles with a little cheer is all about The Awesome Spirit of Christmas. Slip into a little number with silver snowflakes and before you know it, you are spreading Good Tidings and Peace and Joy and making christmas cookies, and loving your neighbor. So I say unto my fellow man: don't hate on the Christmas Sweater. I have a Dream that One Day, wearing a Christmas Sweater will be considered a hip, ironic thing to do for people of all ages, races, and economic backgrounds. I say World Peace is just a Pointsetta Sweater Vest away.


Giveaway coming tonight-stay tuned

31 comments:

Racie Lover said...

Oh my goodness. You have me just about ready to drink the Kool-Aid and go buy myself a dorky Christmas sweater down at JC Penny's. On my way home I can stop by Wal-Mart and pick up a 6' flocked tree, inflatable Santa for the front yard and some mulled wine. Ack.

tjames said...

I just can't do it. EVAH

Jane! said...

Preach it sistah!
I have my most fave pearl snowman sweater that I have worn EVERY year since about the ice age. I'm going to take a pic and put it on MY blog just to show Stacy and Clinton that I KNOW what to wear!
Christmas sweaters unite!!!

Jane! said...

And yes, I lerve you too! Especially if you're buying in the bar car!!

Hi, I'm Amy! said...

Chesticles is my all time favorite word. I've been scared rock the Christmas sweater, but with yur encouragement, I just might do it this year. Do you wear the Christmas earrings and necklace to match? Idk if I can do that yet. I've got to take it one step at a time.

Hi, I'm Amy! said...

I'm high on robitussin. I meant "I've been scared TO rock".

I would also correct the "yur", but I kind of like it, so I'm not gonna.

zakary said...

Ain't no shame in your game, Lorrie.

Christmas sweaters are badass.

kwr221 said...

OMG, are you people 78 years old?! Leave the Christmas sweaters for the grandmas in Boca and Duluth.

Lorrie, you are SHATTERING my image of you as an artsy, NYC fashionista!

Hey, do you ever see Stacy and Clinton shopping?

Blue said...

Chestickles has to be the Platinum Word of the month. Maybe even of the entire 2008 year. You're something else!

BooBs said...

I just don't think most holiday sweaters honor the chesticles properly.

But if I ever find one that is skin tight, deeply, deeply V-necked and spangly in just. the. right. places. I'll be sure to wear it.

rpc said...

Christmas sweaters are all very well, but you didn't mention the Christmas socks. I wear my Christmas socks year round.

Lorrie Veasey said...

Jane, zakary and I are starting a club. If you cant join this year: just remember that next October the Halloween sweaters are EVEN MORE FABULOUS.

Kristin: I don't see Stacy & Clinton, but I do see Tim Gunn on my block quite often. In fact just the other day I think I caught him looking approvingly at my Christmas Sweater. No Lie.

RPC and Amy:
I am willing to be a Sweater Suffragette, but you people have to find your own champions for socks and accessories.

Jennifer said...

I'm on AIM with my husband right now and told him you referred to your breast as chesticles. He said one word, and one word only, "Superb". I know he is going to add this to his already long list of alternate words to use in place of boobs. I think my all time favorite is "boobages".

Oh the poor old Christmas sweater...I used to have one but stopped wearing it after I saw a picture of myself in it. I realized I looked like my 90 year old grandma and that made me a little sad for myself. I do have a t-shirt I got from Target last year that has swirls on it with the word "cheer" in bling...does that kind of count as Christmas attire?

Evil Twin's Wife said...

I'm lucky to remember to be properly dressed at all when I leave the house. I'm thinking holiday themed apparel might be beyond my abilities.

sheila said...

NO NO NO!! Christmas sweaters are not for hot, gorgeous women like us. They are for our grannies & nana's and aunties who are all over 'a certain age'.

But Racie, don't knock the yard inflatables. I succumbed to the wantings of Sweet Hubby & we now have a very cute polar bear who...OMG!!...is wearing a CHRISTMAS SWEATER!!!

Kr√ęg said...

The only Christmas apparel I own are a few pair of themed boxer shorts. Somehow, they made it into my year-round rotation (probably because no one really sees them anyway).

OHN said...

I have one. I wear it once a year. On the day I have to visit the person that gave it to me.

My only fear is that she will think it is looking old and buy me a new one.

God help me.

tjames said...

No kidding I JUST GOT INVITED TO a Bad Christmas Sweater Party!!
Can I borrow yours?

kwr221 said...

You know, I'm just a teeny bit envious that I met you and Thystle AFTER I got rid of my admirable, yet cumbersome rack.

kwr221 said...

Sorry, Kreg, but that got a lol. my son and husband also include their holiday boxers in the year=round rotation.

Spatula said...

Ya dude! Christmas sweaters are the new black! And you can totally look hot in them. It's just a question of rocking them with a slutty short skirt and tall boots, for example.

Swedish people could do it. I know it in my BONES.

Nadine Hightower said...

no blog mojo= christmas sweaters
all the mojo= thigh high black leather hip boots!!!

I'm just sayin'...

SOMETHING HAPPENED SOMEWHERE TURNING said...

I have one Christmas sweater. It sits in the closet on the same hanger it was hung on some three years ago. It probably still has a x-mas tag on it. I can join the ranks of boxer shorts though.

Bj in Dallas said...

Ok boys, Ranch hand cycled his
Scooby Doo "Rerry Ristmas" boxers into his year round life, and he is no longer with us...(not dead, just not hee) I'm just saying.

LV- wear it if you want to...I for one am not a CSweater girl, or for that matter jewels or socks. I'm going to search for a Slutty Christmas Sweater and maybe we can ease you over to still be festive whilst showing the girls off.

One more thing- back in the back of the put it back there closet, I showed M2 a little size 4T Christmas Sweater that I kept because she looked so adorable in it. I also kept the gingham tights and the largest red bow you could possibly put on a child and they not tip over.

She looked at me and said
"no you didn't"

yes I did. and I'd do it to her right now if she wouldn't run away from home

Bj in Dallas said...

watching infomercials and drinking coffee from my get the clown suit mug...

Scooby Doo Chia Pet!! How ironic that I was just thinking about those damn SDoo boxers. Maybe I need to send him the cpet to go with....

LuckyMe said...

Oh THAT Stacy.

I like "devil's dumplings" best.

What's wrong with "dorky second grade substitute teachers"?

LOL at Ohn.

"Bad Christmas sweater party" is a great idea! Please take lots of pictures, Tjames.

Miss Thystle said...

My chesticles are resplendant in a christmas tree emblazoned tee once a season. And, to quote or beloved Tim, it's a whole lotta look!

Sheree said...

LV - I'm speechless. You should offer that sweater as a giveaway. Seriously. Give. It. A. Way.

kwr221 said...

yeah, what she said.

You know, it's not doing "the girls" any favors. ;-)

Nonnee said...

Well, there are Christmas sweaters and then there are Christmas sweaters...

Ferocious Kitty said...

Merry Christmas!

http://tinyurl.com/8yqdpn

~Deesha