Monday, January 19, 2009
ODe To BaNaNa'S ODoR
You are one of the sweetest people ever put on the planet. You were born naturally good natured, with a great love of puppies and rainbows and all things pink. You wake each morning with a smile, and maintain a sunny disposition throughout the day. You entertain smaller children in line at the grocery without being asked. You offer the last piece of chocolate to your brother even if he has already had more than his share. You think Tom and Jerry is laugh-out-loud hysterical, and that the Bratz dolls wear too much makeup. You constantly offer help with the housework. You are such a Joy to us. So it pains me to have to record this fact about you for posterity, but I hope that by the time you find it in a random Google search that it will no longer be an issue.
You have REALLY REALLY BAD GAS.
And to make matters worse: you lie about it All The Time. It could be just me and you ALONE in a room together, and the minute I wrinkle my nose, you're all like: It Wasn't Me!! You will Deny Deny Deny, until even I begin to wonder who is responsible. It doesn't help matters that your father has taught you to say: He who smelt it, dealt it.
You are the sweetest little ray of sunshine surrounded by a noxious fog of foof fumes. I don't think it's your diet...unless turkey and cheerios do something funky in the digestive process. It may be the fact that you find the whole process of elimination somewhat distasteful, and tend to hold everything in for as long as humanly possible, until I have to send your dad out to Whole Foods at seven pm at night to try to find some prune juice.
Your "problem" is at its worst in public situations. We'll be at storytime with a group of people, and before the book is half way read, the reader is gagging and a thick sulphur cloud hangs in the air. The other children will be looking around and making faces; you'll just be smiling serenely and wondering what Clifford is going to do next.
You pollute every store we go in to together. It's like shopping sets off some sort of chain reaction in your bowels. If you ever get too constipated at least I know I can clear it up with a quick trip to Barnes and Noble.
For the record: this is just like your dad.
The winners of the Friday Giveaway are:
- SUGAR & SPICE's owner Saphyress
-SEIFER's owner Bison61
-Jazzy's owner Tiffany
Please email me at L V Mud at a o l dot com with your address.