Tuesday, February 03, 2009

PuPPY LoVe CaN Be A BiTCH.


Dear Complicated Boy,

Last night you asked me for some romantic advice, and after we chatted for a bit about the complex nature of the relationship with your seven year old girlfriend friend who happens to be a girl, I ended by saying what I always say when I am speaking authoritatively about something of which I know nothing, which is: GO ASK YOUR FATHER.

Your sage father gave the standard advice he pulls out in the face of questions about troublesome bullies, imagined slights in the classroom, and odd skin rashes: Just Ignore It and Things Will Work Out.

I wish you had thought to ask Dad how many dates the old "ignore them and make them come to you" strategy landed him in High School and College. I think he has forgotten that he spent most Friday nights in the company of a pizza.

So this morning I decided to take your problems right to The Experts. ( And by Experts I don't mean that I planned to get on my cell phone and call Dad and have him pretend to be someone named Dr, Ruth, the way we used to do when you wouldn't eat and I would call The Wiggles to get you to try the broccoli.) These are Actual Romantic Authorities. These Love Gurus saw me through many a heartbreak in my youth, and I think their wisdom still rings true today.

I am, of course, talking about Pop Songs.

In my day. all manner of ills could be cured by turning on a little AM Radio; but none more so than the broken heart. If you needed to learn the ABCs and 123s of Love--all you had to do was give a little listen. So here is what I know, grasshopper:

LOVE STINKS
yeah yeah.

Also...

You can't hurry love, because girls just wanna have fun. Some guys have all the luck, and you might wish that you had your best friend's girl. Love is a battlefield that way, but it is also oxygen and The Answer. It's a crazy little thing, this love. It can be a groovy kind of love, or you can be addicted to love, but either way, you'll see the power of love. You'll realize soon that money can't buy you love, and you need to be careful not to give love a bad name. When you love someone, set them free. Love bites, love hurts, but all you need is love. Endless love.

I hope that helps: if not, take Dad's advice and give her the cold shoulder for a couple of days.

Love,
Mom
PS: Have I told you lately that I love you?

16 comments:

Jennifer said...

Oh my gawd...you are the best mom ever. I wish I had a mom like you.

Miss Thystle said...

Just be sure when it's your turn, you do the Safety Dance, or someone will wind up with Love in (their) tummy and then you'll want to jump in your little red corvette and drive south, where no doubt, you'll find yourself Waking Up in Vegas. Or, you'll if she's a single lady, you'll have to put a ring on it. Just remember, if you kiss a girl and you like it, that it's always a nice day for a white wedding.

Lorrie Veasey said...

Thystle-that comment was a Thriller.

SOMETHING HAPPENED SOMEWHERE TURNING said...

Consulting Pop Songs. Who'd of thunk? Wonderful advice with VD so near. (VD - that cracks me up!)
Your going to need to pull out that 70's collection again. It's not just for Insomnia anymore.

Jane! said...

If only he could imagine how many times his little heart will be stomped on in the next 15 or 20 years.

OHN said...

Wow...you all just made me dizzy.

Debbie said...

If you can just understand the lyrics, all of life's solutions are in those songs.

blairspage said...

You are such a kick ass Mom! I wish I would of had you for a Mom when I was growing up! Plus, you live in the "big city".

BTW, I got my prize kitty mug and I.LOVE.IT!!!!

Hugs - Tiff

kwr221 said...

You guys are too clever - Thystle to.

And can I just tell you that I just saw pics of Thystle that are more than just her rack and she's, like, only SIXTEEN, or something!!!!!!

Really, she was in a pic with M and I swear they are SISTERS!
:-)

Love ya!

The Kitchen said...

WHY aren't you MY MOM?????

You rock!

Megan said...

Is this the friend who happens to be a girl who wanted to meet CB by the slide?!

Tracy said...

I think you should give yourself one of those "best blog" awards you posted the other day. That was priceless!

Tracy

Bj in Dallas said...

CB, one day she will annoy you and your song will be the bitch is back.......

Chandra said...

Such a clever post! If he doesn't learn from that, well then there really isn't much hope!

jenx67 said...

I loved that at the end. So clever. I've always wanted to do something like that, but lately, my brain is on overload. I'm keeping this post! I wonder if we could do one about mean people???? I'd have to do some song research.

Bless your boy, by the way.

Shonda Little said...

Man, I'm not looking forward to this day with my kids. And since my oldest is just three years younger than this and already has a favorite girl at school, I know it is coming sooner than I would like. Kisses to the boy from me. Love does, in fact, stink.