Monday, February 09, 2009

WHaTS LoVe GoT To Do WiTH iT?


Thank you, blog peeps, for your support of CBoy in the wake of his broken heart. I can only tell you that this weekend he broke one of the cardinal rules of post-breakup behavior. He went to the barber with his father where he decided to cut his hair. ALL OF IT. OFF. It now looks like I gave birth to a mini-Marine. I believe I did this myself once while in college. I don't know where I got the idea (between renting my garments and keening) that chopping at my locks would show that boy who done me wrong a thing or too; because it didn't. All I ended up with was a broken heart and really bad hair. Ah well: hearts will heal, hair will grow.

Speaking of hearts on the mend: my friend Gina recently separated from her husband and in a moment of weakness that involved a full bottle of Chardonnay, signed up for Match dot com. She said that after a short bio and 35 bucks, her mailbox began to fill with messages from all over the country--many with subject lines such as "Willing to Relocate For Love" or "God Sent Me To You" or "Satisfy You Long Time." (I keep telling her that the last one is Spam but she says she's been trying to wink at its author anyway.)

One of her more recent meetings online went fairly well. He was a journalism professor, very nice & funny. After an enjoyable session of IMing back and forth, he asked her to text him, and when she did, he asked if she wanted to see a 'goodnight photo' of him. She replied: "Sure, if I can also show it to my mother, who is here visiting." He texted back just two words: NEVER MIND, and was never heard from again.

She had an actual date with another "match" named Jeff-who won her over by including a glass of wine in his profile picture. She met him at a bar and spent the first two hours talking to the side of his face: the man would not turn to look at her the entire time, just sat beside her chain smoking and slamming draft beer. Three margaritas later, she asked him if he had eaten, because she was starving. "Nope," he replied, "I eat just one meal a day and then I drink beer for dinner." WHAT A CATCH.

On another note: please send pictures for this week's Caption This Photo contest to me at L V Mud at a o l dot com, but please make sure the people in the pictures are wearing clothes. Unless you have a candid of Johnny Depp. I will announce last week's winner on Wednesday and feature a photo sent in by a reader. So get those pictures out of the camera and send them my way: my children are refusing to do anything funny like sit in a garbage can or wear underwear on their heads: I need help.

17 comments:

Jennifer said...

If someone sends you a candid shot of Johnny Depp, could you please forward it to me?

Your friend's stories of dating online have me thinking one thing: I'm so glad I'm married and I don't have to go through that. I think I'd end up in a corner eating my own hair and speaking in tongues. I wish her nothing but luck.

Miss Thystle said...

Gina needs a blog. She will never, ever lack for material. EVER. The lucky dog....

PearlsOfSomething said...

Hugs to Gina.

My sister and I double dated when there was still a Love@AOL site. I married my date 8 months later. Her's turned out to be gay.
The more things change, the more they stay the same!

Bj in Dallas said...

A couple of things:
1. CB, do NOT let your friend that is in beauty school perm your hair. And lighten your eyebrows. While she is drinking Tequilla Sunrises.......its ugly.

2. Poor Gina! I told you LV that is why I did NOT want to go on Snatch.Com! Although, she should have said yes to the photo...doubt it was his cat curled up in his lap..

3. I think I'd rather eat my hair like Jennifer.

4. Come play at my place and post some baddate haikus!! They are really funny!

KLS said...

I had an internet date back in college and he showed up wearing a shirt that said "BIG DADDY" and weighed about 500 lbs. I really need to blog about that one! I sent you a pic to caption... it's my favorite of all time. I know you love it too!

Debbie said...

Kids. You give birth to them and raise them and then they refuse to humiliate themselves in public for your blog. Why do we bother?

blairspage said...

I'm glad CBoy seems to be doing well! I've had an itching to cut my hair off as well recently. But, I keep telling myself that it's a phase I'm going through. I hate my hair when it's short! But, it doesn't seem like I can grow it long. If only I could afford some extentions!

I will try to find a pic to send to you... I thought I had some good one's but can't find them at the moment!

Luv ya - Tiff

zakary said...

I'm afraid that Gina went on a date with my husband because his name is Jeff and he often drinks beer for dinner because I don't make dinner.

But he quit smoking, so it wasn't him.

Or was it?

Dude, you KNOW I have some crazy ass photos that I can send you. You say crazy, I say Tuesday.

Evil Twin's Wife said...

I am so glad I'm not single and looking these days of internet connections and all. But, those stories were hilarious!

Fe said...

Oh God... I've definitely dated some of those guys' online Australian cousins.

Thank God I LOVE being single.

Thanks for the laugh Lorrie... although I'm stll sad for CBoy.

kenju said...

Very funny stories, and they make me so glad I'm married 45 years!

OHN said...

If my husband leaves me, or drops dead, I swear I would never date again.

It would be a nightmare.

Sheree said...

Tell your friend I can hook her up with Ireland. He'll feed her a steady diet of fried Irish sausage, french fries, carrots and Pepsi (no ice) and then tell her her ass looks fat. Then he'll grab both her boobs, in public, like she was a bovine and look miffed when she slaps his hands away. Three guesses as to where I met him.

Sheree said...

Oh. And I cut off all my hair, too. Just to piss him off.

kwr221 said...

If I ever end up single, I will be the crazy cat lady. And I'll travel.

To meet all my blog buddies, of course!

Jane! said...

Gina is recently seperated.... and Gina is dating?
Wow, Gina loves punishment?

Natasha said...

Oh broken hearts CB's hair...oh I think I did something dramatic like that with my eyebrows once...ah love. I heart CB...hug him for me....

And Gina is awesome...I agree with Thystle she needs a blog...I would so read her Adventures in Scaryland Dating any day!