Wednesday, March 04, 2009

THiS ONe'S FoR NoNNee

So my Fabulousmotherinlaw, Nonnee, thinks my blog postings as of late have been a wee bit bitter whiney gloomy lacking in the usual sunshine department-so I thought I'd Build You Up, Buttercups, with a different kind of post for today.

I'm going to talk about how very Happy & Grateful I am for five random things. Not the big, obvious things-like my wonderful family, friends, job, health, etc. etc. etc (did I mention my Wonderful Mother in Law?) but here's a tribute to some little Under Appreciated Things.

I AM VERY GRATEFUL FOR THINSULATE
I love the genius who invented the stuff that could keep you warm without making you look like The Michelin Man.


Now I can only hope that this particular Einstein would consider lending his/her talents to the redesign of the skirted swimsuit.

I AM VERY GRATEFUL FOR RUBBER BANDS
Did you know you could hook these beauties around the top button of your jeans and thread them through the button hole and gain a whole inch? Not that, erm, I've ever actually had to do that; but still, nice to know that thanks to these little elastic wonders that YOU CAN.

I am also so grateful that the memories of the time when I had rubber bands connecting my upper and lower jaws have dimmed to the point where I no longer wince when I recall the image of leaning in for a kiss with Jimmy Johnson behind the bleachers after school and having one of those suckers pop right out and hit him in the eye. That night I cried myself to sleep and rusted my headgear.



I AM VERY GRATEFUL FOR ZICAM

It's helped me fight off many a potential cold. Course, my Sister in Law, who is a doctor, says it's gonna give me Alzheimers when I am older, but that doesn't stop me from swabbing the old nasal passages with this wonder drug. I also swab the passages of my children. And I am grateful that I have never had the pleasure of administering medicine to my children into any orifice that wasn't located above the neck.



I also heart the person who invented these beauties--because now, even I take my vitamins. (But only the grape ones. Cuz that's how I roll.)


I AM VERY GRATEFUL FOR MILEY CYRUS
Because not only will typing her name like I just did move my blog up four pages in Google, but because she offers an alternative to The Jonas Brothers. Miley's also got Billy "Achey Brakey Heart" Ray to take a mind off of any unintentional suffering her Disney show may cause a parent who is forced to watch along with their children. The Joe Bros, on the other hand, always sound like they are really not getting enough roughage in their diets when they sing.


I AM VERY GRATEFUL FOR YOU INTERWEB PEEPS
I have been very busy on the hamster wheel of late and have not been by for a visit, but hope to come and see you soon. Thanks for sticking with me while I was on vacation and for continuing to leave comments that are often WAY funnier than my posts. I am coming up to my 500th Blog post very soon and have been discussing possibly stopping blogging. You know-the whole go out while you're on top thing:

But then I was like WHO AM I KIDDING? I can't stop blogging any more than Tina Turner can stop touring. She'll be 95 and still singing Thunderdome, and this will be me one day...


Except I might soak my dentures in a glass of Chard.

31 comments:

Bj in Dallas said...

I'm grateful I found you and if you leave, I will stalk your ass more than evah.......

wheres Thystle? btw

Nonnee said...

THERE'S MY GIRL!!!!

WELCOME BACK

themom said...

Great insight. But with the Zicam...it will be sad when your kids forget who you are FIRST!!

SOMETHING HAPPENED SOMEWHERE TURNING said...

Stopping blogging is hard work. Just like writing, it takes a lot of discipline. Good luck with that. <:)

Rachel@just another day in paradise said...

dddoooonnnnnn'''''ttttttt gggggggoooooo!!!!!!

we would lose a tiny bit of sunshine in the thunderstorms of our lives. . .(I called you tiny as a compliment!)

Debbie said...

Just remember - don't drink after the soak.

Real Live Lesbian said...

I can't believe that I didn't know the rubber band trick! I'm so much smarter for having been to your blog.

Great stuff here!

Kr√ęg said...

That last photo looks like a nightmarish cross cross between Family Circus and Beverly Hillbillies. It also conjures thoughts of an octogenarian surfing for porno.

Come to think of it, "octogenarian porno" would probably bump you up another four spots on Google.

zakary said...

People find my blog by Googling "Baby Holding A Beer Bottle" and "Asians Are Smart".

For real.

If you stopped blogging, I would be sad.

kwr221 said...

Do NOT joke like that EvER AgAiN.

::::foot stomp::: It is NOT FuNnY.

Really, I mean it.


If you stopped blogging, I wold HaUnT you! For Reals.

Esp. since Jet Blue just announce a sample sale and it's only $29.00 to NYC!

But it's only for one way, so, I'd have to stay there.

With you, preferably. Unless, of course, you could lend me $29.00 to get back home.

But if not, NO PROBLEM! I promise to clean the hair out of the shower drain and recycle all my wine bottles. :-)

We'd have SUCH fun!

kwr221 said...

Hi Nonnee! We LOVE Lorrie.

And Kip, too.

Jane! said...

I used the rubber band trick to get me most of the way through my pregnancies. I was totally allergic to those pants with stretchy panels, which is all they had back in my day. Okay, maybe not allergic as much as in denial.
You wouldn't dare quit.
Would you?

Racie Lover said...

Speaking of rubber bands, you totally forgot to mention how grateful you are to have DENTAL! That cannot be stressed enough.

You would never stop blogging because you are as addicted to the lime light, glamour and sheer narcissitic pleasure that the rest of us bloggers are (except for moi, of course. I blog to help others).

BTW, since you asked, or surely meant to, I am grateful for having taken typing from Miss Thompson in junior high school. I saw a lady using the 'hunt and peck' method at the library the other day and it was more painful than watching Liza Minelli looking for the bar at a M.A.D.D. meeting.

Jennifer said...

I never knew about the rubber band trick. I feel robbed of all the times that would have come in very handy.

blairspage said...

We would never give up on you, Lorrie! You cannot stop blogging! DAMMIT!

Hugs - Tiff

Shonda Little said...

Look at you, being grateful outside of November. The toilet photo is mix of super creepy and super awesome. I'm still on the fence. The list was awesome and I don't which is my fave, but I do really love the web folk. It's like we have our own world.

Chandra said...

For the record, I figured the whole rubber band thing out when I became prego with baby #2 and refused to buy 10 pair of new pants, it worked like a charm and now that I am one week "post surgery" and still a wee bit bloated...it still works like a charm! Rubber band man...it's the best mcGuyver move you could ever make!

Spatula said...

Finally, FINALLY someone thought to honour rubber bands. Those things rule.

sheila said...

Lorrie is the best -- and you can never leave us.

I am going to have to try the rubber band trick -- what a way to recycle my pants (and my rubber bands). That is a very green idea!!

Phoenyx Ravenswing said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Phoenyx Ravenswing said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Phoenyx Ravenswing said...

Greetings!

Thinsulate does indeed rocketh muchly! :-D I say this both as a very happy quilter and as a larger-than-average woman who has no desire to look like the Michelin Man either. :-D

Btw, have you put your Carp Diem out as a for-sale item yet? :-D LOVES ME THAT FISHIE, I DOES!!! :-)

Good Fortune & Bright Blessings! :-)
-Bird

11:52 AM

The Girl You Don't Bring Home to Momma said...

LMAO !!!! I have so done that with the rubber bands and jeans.

TJ said...

I'm (un)luckily using rubber bands for both those purposes currently.

Ruby said...

Lorrie, just this very night I was thinking about how much I love parchment paper and then I see that you love random stuff too! Am I the only one that appreciates the goodness of parchment paper? Probably so.

The toilet picture is alternately hilarious and disturbing. I think I'll steal it for my blog. :)

jenx67 said...

Very entertaining, Lorrie! That last photo and line had me laughing out loud. You're gonna look at 80. Man, I hope I'm not blogging for the rest of my life. I think.

Handmade ceramics pottery said...

Great post....

soulmoxie said...

It feels soooo good to catch up!! Thanks for all the laughs!!

Racie Lover said...

I want to know what a person has to write that's so awful it gets "removed by the author". Naturally I am curious what sort of comments get edited out. Not so I would leave them myself dontchaknow? I am just nosey that way.

Jen said...

Lorrie - just found your blog - what a hoot! Keep writing, I'll keep reading.

Phoenyx Ravenswing said...

Greetings!

I just hit 'post' when I should have hit 'preview' is all. Was being impatient way too early in the a.m. :-D

Bright Blessings! :-)
-Bird