Thursday, April 23, 2009
VouLeZ VouS CouCHeZ AVeC Moi?
3:00 PM Talk to Sexyhusbandomine whose plane has landed safely in Chicago. Speak in a calm, self assured way. Close the conversation with "I Love You."
11:30 PM Still awake. Lots of caffeine in that dark chocolate I had to consume to offset the loneliness due to missing my spouse.
1:00 AM Hear the soft pad pad of small feet coming to the side of my bed. Wonder what the repercussions would be of pretending to be dead. Wisely decide against it.
1:05 AM Hear the words: MOMMY, I CAN'T SLEEP BECAUSE I MISS DADDY . Accompany CBoy back into his room to sit on the end of his tiny bed. A postage stamp of a bed for a big boy.
1:15 AM Sitting in a space barely big enough for one ass cheek, let alone two. Neck bent at an unnatural angle. I think they call it "The Excorcist Pose" in Yoga.
1:25 AM Still sitting there. Trying to meditate. Decide to think about Orlando Bloom instead.
1:35 AM Make the mistake of flexing my right foot. Hear: MOM WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
1:48 AM I wish I had remembered to bring my phone with me. I could be twittering. About Orlando Bloom's hotness.
2:05 AM I think he's asleep. Finally. Slide off the bed slowwwwwwly, slowwwwwwwly....bump his leg with my thigh. Hear: MOM YOU PROMISED TO SIT WITH ME.
2:15 AM I wish SuperNanny would come and save me.
2:28 AM He's gotta be asleep by now. Slide off the bed again slowwwwwwwwwwwly, slowwwwwwwwwwwwly. Realize I have no feeling in my legs.
2:34 AM Step in cat vomit on the way to my room. Clean foot. Clean floor. Curse at cat.
2:45 AM Ahhhhhhh my own bed.
3:25 AM Hear the soft pad of tiny feet coming to the side of my bed again. Maybe if I hide under the covers he won't find me.
3:28 AM Beg CBoy to get into my BIG bed. He says NO BECAUSE BANANA MIGHT WAKE UP AND SCREAM IF SHE HAS A BAD DREAM AND DAD IS NOT HERE SO YOU HAVE TO COME SIT ON THE END OF MY BED.
3:32 AM Realize he is serious when he turns down my offer of $20 bucks if he will just get in bed with me. Dimly experience an odd sense of DeJa Vu.
3:45 AM Sitting again on the end of the bed. I will be One With The Bed. I will Become The Bed. Fall asleep with head twisted backwards.
4:15 AM Wake up with my pajamas soaked in drool. Slowly and carefully get off bed and manage to make it back to my room. Ahhh, I Love You Big Bed and My Own Pillow.
4:55 AM Banana wakes up because Bad Mom forgot to make her pee before bedtime. Hear HELP! MOM! I HAVE STEPPED IN CAT THROW UP AND IT HAS SQOOSHED BETWEEN MY TOES.
5:00 AM Hear CBoy say as I wash Banana's foot off: MOM YOU SAID YOU WOULD SIT WITH ME.
5:30 AM Sit on end of bed again, contemplating ways to get rid of the cat.
5:45 AM Fall asleep with CBoys foot in my armpit.
7:00 AM Cheery Husband calls from Chicago to wake everybody up.
7:45 AM After listening to the phone ring for 45 minutes, I answer it finally, give Husband two minutes to say Good Morning, before trying to reach into the phone and trying to Strangle Him.