A Typical Day in the Glamorous Life of Mrs. Veasey
- Wake up at 7 am: possibly not in my own bed, next to a male who is not my husband. Flashback to the eighties, then realize it is because ComplicatedBoy had another bad dream. Sexyhusbandomine is bright eyed and bushy tailed after going for a run at 6 am. I make him work a full 15 minutes at Getting Me out of Bed.
- Have the first of what are usually 10-12 cups of tea during the course of the day. Because CAFFEINE IS CREATIVE LIGHTER FLUID.
- Won't bore you with the sordid details of getting CBoy and Banana ready for camp except to say that if I ever won the lottery the first thing I would buy is a place with TWO FULL BATHROOMS. Sexyhusbandomine packs the lunches. I am in charge of the MOST IMPORTANT THING in the lunch: The Note. Which creatively, is SUCKING ME DRY. How many different ways can you write: "I hope you are having a good day at camp, I love you, see you later?" NEED MORE LIGHTER FLUID.
- Make it to the bus stop by 8 am, largely because Sexyhusbandomine drives the family out the door like he's competing in a dog sled race. Say a prayer to the Gods of Car Sickness that Banana won't throw up, and that if she does, she will be able to fit her head into the 2 gallon zip lock baggie provided for that purpose. Last week was Mythical Creatures Day, and she went dressed as a fairy, and must have been a sight puking all over the sidewalk in her purple wings and tutu, holding her wand up in the air.
- Work: Dance, Monkey, Dance. By the way: Artists Make Terrible Slaves. I kid. Sorta.
- Pick the children up at the bus stop, which is conveniently located next to a fruit stand. The man who owns the stand missed his calling selling crack. He had my children hooked on free mangos the very first day. Now every afternoon we're shelling out hard earned money for exotic treats like white cherries and plumots.
- Go home and begin THE PILES OF HOMEWORK that have been assigned for the summer by sadistic teachers who are laughing into their umbrella drinks as they think of us struggling to get CBoy to begin work on His Novel-which is just ONE of numerous assignments which include finding a cure for cancer and building your own computer.
CBoy is re-writing Peter Pan. His version (AND I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP) features Wendy from the Burger Chain, Michael Jackson, and John McCain. I think he's got a future at MAD magazine.
- Dinner cooked by Sexyhusbandomine. Whatever it is, it usually tastes like chicken.
- A rousing Game of UNO, anyone?
- Bath, Books , Bed. I am going to gloss over this part too, as some of you might be reading this at work.
- So many choices-so little free time. Conversation? Computer? Collages? Probably TV. Cause nothing makes you feel like you're doing something valuable with your life like getting sucked into some reality programming on VH1 or Bravo.
And this people, is why blogging has been so sporadic as of late. So please write your own notes in your own lunches, chickens, mama's tired.