When The Spawn reached school age, we faced a decision many parents have to make living in The Big Apple: Public Education or Private Education.
I taught Kindergarten for several years in one of the most elite private schools in Manhattan. That shipping heir that dated Paris Hilton? He was in my class. That socialite that appears often on Gossip Girl? She was in my class. I can tell you that the President of HBO has a pink marble staircase in his brownstone, and that the Saudi Arabian princess I taught wore three carat diamond earrings that dwarfed her tiny earlobes. But what I can't say is that the $28,000 they paid for a half day of kindergarten back in the 90's bought them a truly exceptional experience. Fingerpainting is fingerpainting even if your smock is from Prada.
That said, we originally pursued the idea of a Private School for ComplicatedBoy and The Banana. We completely blew the interview for CBoy. I believe I described him by saying: "He's Complicated." Right before I CRIED. That's right: in the middle of an interview with a Channel wearing Headmistress, perfectly manicured nails tapping a long list of interview questions in a folder, the vastness of my love for my boy washed over me, and I began to weep and my nose began to run copiously. Although she had begun the interview by saying she had LOTS to ask us, two minutes later she closed her file and told us she had "enough information to make a decision." They later sent us a letter:
So we pinned our hopes on The Banana to pave the way into a fine institution of learning. Except the actress Molly Shannon was present in our group interview,
and while we had all been told beforehand to dress our children in casual playclothes, her ginger haired daughter arrived in A Red Sequined Dress. RED SEQUINS. So nobody noticed when Banana created an exact replica of the Parthenon in the block area. Everybody was looking at Molly Shannon to see if she would smell her armpits, and when they weren't looking there they were looking at THE RED SEQUIN DRESS. We didn't get in there either.
But everything happens for a reason Chickens, and as luck would have it, we landed in one of the Greatest Schools in The World. A school with small class sizes, a curriculum that values the arts, great principal, and a swimming pool in the basement!! A FABULOUS, AMAZING, PUBLIC SCHOOL!!! And We Love It. The Spawn have thrived there, as have we. We love our school. It is The Best.
But our school is in trouble now thanks to Mayor Bloomberg and a total lack of city planning. The past few years have seen a huge influx of families move to Chelsea. So many children...No New Schools. So our diamond in the asphalt now faces the possibility of losing it's art room, it's music room, it's library , and it's small class size next year if we cannot get the Department of Education to live up to promises it has made for increased space.
But guess what? YOU CAN HELP. Even if you don't have a child in this school. Even if you don't have a child at all (Kreg, I'm talkin to you.) EVEN IF YOU DON'T LIVE IN NEW YORK!!! Because you have An Email Address!! And if you will just take two seconds to sign an online petition it will help save The Spawn's school!! This will be your good deed for the day, chickens! Just click on this link. The Spawn thank you and so do I!
Two seconds. Come on. Please?