Monday, December 14, 2009

GueST BLoGGER: RUTH iS iN Da GinGerBreaD HouSe

The fabulous Ruth (otherwise known as RPC, does not have a blog. So consider this foray into crafting a post akin to sneaking the first beer to an underage kid who will later grow up and become an alcoholic. I know THYSTLE was scheduled for today, but she may be hiding under a table somewhere, so hopefully she will take Wednesday. So without further ado, I give you RUTH.

Lorrie's instructions were: "incredibly moving" or "pee in your pants funny". I¹m going for the rent your garments and tear your hair... ­ how could anybody be so mean to their kids?

In our household Santa only ever brings small gifts to fill the kids' stockings. If there are any big presents, I want full credit as the donor. I'm sure that this has led to some humiliating times at school "What did Santa bring you?" - "A tangerine, a state quarter, and a bouncy ball" doesn't have quite the same same cachet as "A Nonetendo Playstation XOXO Whoa with triple digital feedback controllers". Still, nobody ever asked why Santa was such a tightwad when it came to our household, and the kids never asked him for expensive presents.

Despite this, Santa still doesn't always perform as requested. He frequently has to write letters of excuse. One year my daughter asked for a stop watch just before Christmas. Being too short of time to race out to the stores I ordered online. I was too cheap to pay for overnight shipping (over $20 on an $8 stopwatch!) so here is the letter left in the stocking:

Dear hmc,
I'm so sorry not to have the stop watch that you requested. I had it all ready for you but the reindeer took it when I wasn¹t looking, and used it to time their races. They dropped it in the snow and got it all messy, so I will have to find another one for you. I will send the reindeer back with it in a few days ­ it serves them right that they have to make an extra trip.
Love, Santa

A few days later the promised stop watch appeared with this note:

Dear hmc,
We¹re sorry that you had to wait for this. The Boss was VERY cross with us, and he made us come out to you specially even though we were tired after Christmas, but we had a LOT of fun with your stop watch.
Love, Santa's Reindeer

My daughter (now age 15) has never asked about the existence (or not) of Santa. I think she decided early on that if she didn't ask she could still hang up her stocking. My son asked from time to time, and got evasive answers from me. When he was about 8 or 9 he said to me "When I'm married and have kids, you will tell if it is really you who leaves the presents won't you? I'll need to know whether or not to get the presents for them". Last year for the first time I asked them if they still wanted to hang up stockings. "Of course we do!" they both exclaimed. I'm sure that the same will be true this year. After all, who can resist the chance of a tangerine and a bouncy ball!


Lorrie Veasey said...

I have NO FREEKING IDEA why thsi post formatted like it was a free verse poem, Ruth-sorry. It looks fine in Blogger.

rpc said...

See this is why I don't blog - even as a guest blogger things go wrong!

OHN said...

I would like to be the first to tell Ruth she MUST begin a blog.

All together now...

"Hi Ruth"!

Krëg said...

I think Homer's Odyssey was originally just a long, rambling letter to one of his cousins, but Blogger reformatted it into an epic poem. And thus, history was made.

WV: mederp
A nonsensical word uttered by Appalachian hillbillies shortly before they drink paint thinner or set themselves afire.

Anonymous said...

lol, that's precious. I love your son's plan. At least let him know before he has kids! Brilliant! :)

Jen said...

What a sweet story! I loved the letter Santa left your daughter. Priceless!

Sheila said...

I just told my husband that he may have to write me a letter, ala your Santa letter, since apparently my gift is on backorder until February!

And I have always said, never trust a reindeer. Just look at how they treated poor Rudolph!

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