My plane ride there involved someone throwing up in the aisle while waiting for the restroom. Which means I sat for two hours with my shirt pulled up over my mouth and nose like a terrorist, my eyes watering as I tried to quell my gag reflex, pretending to read O magazine and find my happy place and not think about THE VOMIT IN THE BACK OF THE PLANE AND THE WAY THERE IS NO FRESH AIR ON AIRPLANES AND OMG SOMEONE CRACK A WINDOW..... The minute the door opened I made like OJ Simpson in a Hertz commercial and literally VAULTED over seats in order to get off the plane.
Once at the Enesco showroom in the Giftmart, I met Legendary Hollywood Actor Tony Curtis! He was all kinds of sweet. I gave him the mug I made for him and He gave me a big smackeroo on my cheek before we posed for pictures. I stood beside him smiling while the press clicked away while I fought the impulse to give the side of my face a little wipe because that man has some moist lips. I kid. Sorta. I should note he also has the Softest Hands Evah. I know because he held one of mine for like, AN HOUR, while a zealous male fan went on and on and on and on about how Spartacus Changed His Life Blah Blah Blah I am Your Biggest Fan...and I was gonna slink off, but Mr. Curtis just kept holding my hand while that young man waxed poetic. I think I had to hip check him out of the way to get my audience with Mr C.
Right across from the OUR NAME IS MUD showroom stood Meredith Baxter from the television show Family Ties, or if you are as old as
She was hawking her great line of skin care products, and her space was packed. I tried several times to get a picture with her, but had to settle for putting my arm around her life size poster cut out. I spent a lot of time waving to her from across the hall with my face pressed up against the glass of my showroom window til the showroom manager complained that smudges from my nose and mouth were blocking shoppers from seeing my products.
When I got the phone call from Sexyhusbandomine and The Spawn in which he let me know that the stomach flu had hit Chez Veasey, I was, as usual, completely drunk and thought they were talking about The Siths from Star Wars--not The Sick. Children. At Home. Because chickens, had I known that The Spawn were ill I would have done what i usually do...extended my trip another day or so and bought more presents at the airport.
But I did not know what awaited me at home, so I got on that early return flight home and was comforted by the fact that TWO PILOTS sat beside me. I like to sit beside pilots on the plane because when the flight gets rocky I can check their faces to see if they have an "o $hit" look on them and that way I know if it's turbulance or if my butt is toast. Plus the stewardesses are usally Extra Nice and that mean Two packs of peanuts. But this is the Gawds Honest Truth chickens-- not five minutes after we were in the air, the two pilots began discussing CRASH LANDINGS. Seems that one of them had recently had to put a small plane down in some cornfield somewhere, and that opened the topic for conversation. Which went on and on and on despite the fact that I had both fingers in my ears and kept saying LA LA LA LA LA.
And then I was home, with a Hotlanta Snowglobe for the Banana, an airport watch for Complicated Boy and a wet kiss on the cheek for Sexyhusbandomine. Ah, Home. Renovations still going on. But that's another story...