PiLLoW TaLK

Hola Chickens-

Some random thoughts....

Every morning Complicated Boy has been going to Google Translator and searching different languages to find a new translation for his name, Jesse. With the exception of those languages that have different alphabets, he has been strangely delighted to find that his name remains basically unchanged in far off lands. It provides him with some secret thrill to know that he would still be called Jesse in Bulgaria.

The Bananna has lost both top teeth and has a loose one on the bottom now. I have watched many a medical drama and countless episodes of CSI, but I still cringe every time she twirls that loose tooth around by a few strings using her tongue. Which of course makes her chase me around the house saying LOOK AT MY LOOF TOOF MOMMY.......

The month is ending and I am done cheating on you with that other blog. I am currently taking a photo shop class and should be coming back better than ever by the start of next week. And able to do funny things with people's heads. Just sayin.

In the meantime: that other blog is ending on a high note with 3 giveaways! One for this beautiful pillow by Alexandra Ferguson ($79 value!)





One for a appliqued tshirt or onsie from Muppetloon



and one for this Tim Burton inspired mug.



All 3 end April 6th. Ya gotta be in em to win em...Kristin scored a pretty necklace at the start of the month. Good luck to all!

A PicTuRe'S WoRTH...

...as much as someone is willing to pay for it. Which in my case means nothing currently. But c'est la pee. I like to make stuff, so I do. Here are some of my new paintings.

THe CoMPLiCaTeD BoY iS NiNe

Dear Jesse,

Nine years ago you came into the world. You entered it screaming in outrage at being taken from your warm, dark place of comfort, and nine years later you still like to burrow deeply under the covers in an attempt to postpone facing the morning sun. Your favorite way to greet each day is to say "Five More Minutes,"and then roll back over into the pillow.

This is the year where you developed a crush on a black haired girl who did not return your affections. Every day's weather was dictated by what she said to you or how she looked at you and whether or not she spent more time with your best friend or with you. Til one day, after a particularly harsh rejection, you admitted through tears that maybe you had to accept the fact that she just didn't like you and you cried for two hours straight. I sat beside you on the couch and you should know that two hearts broke that day.

This is the year when your blood pressure soared to 180 and we had to face the fact that your fears were bigger than all of us, and that the sheer force of our love for you could not fix all of your problems. We spent a lot of time with a lot of doctors and tried a lot of different things. For awhile you wore a patch and then you learned how to swallow pills by practicing with tiny m & ms. Right now we feel like we've got the right medicine in the right dose and that it helps you without changing who you are. You are still afraid of clowns and shots and death, and I understand because sometimes I am too.

This is the year when you decided that Michael Jackson was the coolest guy ever, and you practiced the Moonwalk for hours. You wanted everyone in the world to believe in Santa Claus. You became an excellent swimmer and could go back and forth across the pool without stopping for breath. You saw all the Star Wars movies and asked that your Egypt collection be moved to make way for a display that included Luke and Han and R2D2. You drew less, and spent more time making creations out of legos. Goosebumps: The Haunted Mask was one of the first books that had you so excited that you requested that I read it too so we could have our own mini book club. You were nice to your little sister most of the time, and when you weren't, you were later very sorry about it. Or at least you put on a good show.

For your birthday this year, your requests included a jacket worn in the video for THRILLER and a plate of calamari. And a visit to this museum:




Happy Birthday my darling boy. Love, Mom.

TFGIF

After drinking a few beers with his roommates late one night, a 22-year-old UK man was suddenly in the mood for a satisfying treat. He started to make a few pieces of bacon, but fell asleep while it was cooking. (Methinks there may have been a reason he was suddenly So Hungry.)

Thankfully, the smoke woke him from his drunk coma, but the bacon was completely burnt into the pan by the time he got to it. As he scraped the bacon off the pan, he noticed the face of Jesus Christ staring back at him. He told the Daily Mail, "It’s some kind of miracle!"

Bacon Jesus is now hanging on the wall of his apartment.

EXTReMe HoMe MaKeoVeR

Happy Wednesday Chickens!

I rolled over Sunday morning to find this note left on my pillow:



Dear Mom I will give you a make-over today p.s. my throte herts

Obviously, I have been looking like crap lately the situation was viewed as dire by Banana, because she had been up and carefully arranging her Barbie lip glosses since the crack of dawn. Plus, she was completely willing to overlook her low grade fever, hacking cough and swollen glands just to fix my face.

Here's the "Before" shot.



But after she had coughed all over me worked her magic--which included applying pink pearlized nailpolish to my eyebrows by accident KEEP YOUR EYES CLOSED MOMMY DON'T LOOK MOMMY SORRY MOMMY I THOUGHT THAT WAS EYESHADOW I ended up looking like this



But the very best part was when she put my hair into pony tails, stepped back and declared: "MOMMY YOU LOOK TEN YEAR YOUNGER." Who knew that you don't need botox or a face lift...just these babies:

BLOGHER--are you coming?

ZAK sent me an email saying she was New York bound the first week of August. If you are planning on attending Blogher or just being in NYC the first week in August please post here.

P.S. Here's another giveaway to check out-pearl and chrystal necklace at that other blog!

AT THe FaiR

Hola Chickens. Wondering where I've been? I've been cheating on you with YET ANOTHER blog. Apparently I am a good candidate for Writer's Rehab, because I Just Can't Say No. I am the Tim Sizemore of Blogger. Currently, I'm writing all month for the New York Etsy Team--and they are running fabulous giveaways on their blog ALL MONTH LONG. So go here and enter- because your odds of winning something awesome are I get to pick the winners just sayin very very very good!

And I still haven't finished telling you about our vacation! Wannado was hard to top in terms of fun and excitement, but we managed to come close at.......THE FLORIDA RENAISSANCE FAIR!!



Perhaps we should have just gotten inside a carriage and ridden through a thick glen and allowed the highwaymen to rob us blind, because this place was One Gigantic Money Pit. Starting with, of course: Costumes. Then we needed swords so we could stab random noblemen. Then we had to pay them off to avoid lawsuits.



We had to buy overpriced odd handcrafted parental torture devices that make waterboarding look like a day at the beach musical instruments.


Hey...wait....is that thing turning your lips orange Banana?


So I go to the closest shopkeeper dressed like a fairy, and ask if it could be toxic. "Dude," she said, "You know you're at a Renaissance Fair, right? We like to keep it Natural." And while she was saying this someone asked Banana if she was gonna smoke that thing.

We played games, rode rides operated by the sweat of men clad in leather, ate ginormous turkey legs that The Spawn kept calling 'mutton', watched a bawdy performance by middleaged men who look like they stepped out of a Whitesnake video, looked at a stall full of magic wands...and hung out with various knights, trolls and fairies.



All in all, a good day indeed.