Wednesday, April 21, 2010


Not much is going on in Veaseyville, Chickens.  Every errant germ and stray bug continues to make it's way to our home and use The Spawn as its host.  Every morning I go to wake The Banana and find her sleeping in the center of a circle of crumpled tissues.  Yesterday she had TWO throat cultures-- just to be abo-looot-ly sure she did not have The Strep.

I hate throat cultures.  I think modern science should have come far enough by now that doctors should be able to conduct that test by having us spit into a cup.  I'm thinking someone should start a telethon for this purpose.

The Banana is also not a big fan of sticks being stuck in places where they should not be allowed.  When she was tested for Swine Flu, they stuck what resembled a thinner version of  Harry Potter's wand up her nostril in what appeared to be  an attempt to swab the front portion of her brain, and she kicked the doctor right in the hooey.  That's. My.  Girl.

So we discussed ways she could avoid doing bodily injury to the doctor who administered the dreaded throat swab, and I suggested SINGING. I taught her the Kiss classic "Lick It Up" specifically for this purpose.  She decided not to use this technique.

Regardless--She was a ROCK STAR.  She sat calmly, cross legged on the examining table with her mouth wide open and let them shove that stick down her throat and wipe all around her tonsils.


Right into the face of the surprised doctor.  And not a little dainty- o- i -drank-my-gingerale-too-fast- burp.  A big, loud, long, roiling, odiferous, grumbly rumbly burp.

Again: That's. My.  Girl.


Shannon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jennifer said...

Haha, poor Banana! I hate throat cultures as well! I hope she feels better soon.

Krëg said...

I had to sit on my hands to keep from punching the doctor during that damn Swine Flu test. That thing was designed by a sadist.

WV: hythriz
A complex part of female reproductive anatomy who's function and stimulation will never be full understood by men.

aimee said...

that is absolutely hilarious! let me just add to the strep test beefs here. our insurance company won't let the doctor get the strep test results in the office... they have to farm it off to some lab where we don't get the results for two days at which point there's really NO point in doing the deed in the first place. we have to make the judgment call in the office - wait for the results and let her suffer and infect everyone around her for two days, or start her on antibiotics while we wait, which of course means it will turn out not to be strep and she's been drugged up for nothing. argh. i wish your banana would go give our insurance company a burp in the face and a kick in the hooey!

Miss Thystle said...

you should get them those bio-hazard moon suit thingies like they wore when they were examining ET.

WV: Speri

The weather is Arizona 'speri pretty right now.

Sheila said...

And THAT is exactly why I want to steal the Banana and bring her to Texas.

WV: loppid
That doctor is really lucky that he was only kicked & burped upon. Sounds like Kreg woulda loppid his hooey off!

Sheila said...

And THAT is exactly why I want to steal the Banana and bring her to Texas.

WV: carsec
The next ailment predicted to land at Chez Veasey is carsec-ness. It will most likely present itself at the onset of the next family roadtrip.

jayayceeblog said...

OMG, this whole thing had me laughing out loud. What a hoot. What a great kid!!!