I don't watch a lot of television. But I do have great appreciation for it as an electronic babysitter. I will be forever grateful to those folks at Nickelodian and Disney who have freed me from entertaining The Spawn so that I could
Sometimes if I am facing a really challenging personal crisis I like to think: "What would I do in this situation if I was on Reality TV?" It makes the subsequent hissy fit extra dramatic.
This summer we took several road trips that lead us to the land of rocking chairs, retail, and delicious food--otherwise known as Cracker Barrel. I love Cracker Barrel. Seriously. Love. Them. Because if you eat too much at lunch you can just pop right out into the storefront and buy a bigger pair of pants.
They also sell vintage television programs on DVD. And when they are trapped in the car, The Spawn are at the mercy of whatever disc I pop into the DVD player-which is how I forced them to sit through Season One of Gilligans Island. Which lead to questions like "Why does Ginger have so many gowns when the tour was only three hours?", and " If they're so rich, how come the Thurston Howells didn't have a private yacht?", and "If they could figure out how to make a radio from a coconut how come they couldn't figure out how to build a boat." Same questions we asked ourselves way back when. You know, when you were thinking about something other than the Professor and Mary Anne possibly hooking up.
So far, The Spawn has become well versed in the lore of
- I Dream of Jeannie
- Adams Family
- Mork and Mindy
- Brady Bunch
- Partridge Family
- Andy Griffith
- Donny and Marie
- Sonny and Cher
- Happy Days
We tried Little House on the Prairie but but Complicated Boy could not handle the level of rustic angst so we shelved that one for now.
I like the older television shows with a lesson. It almost makes me feel like I have sent the kids to church when I hear them repeat a major ethical statement like; "DON'T PLAY BALL IN THE HOUSE." I am letting Mike Brady morally guide my children.
My kids are gonna grow up SMART. One of these days, they may even figure out that the monster that Scooby and the Gang encounter each and every episode is really a hoax. Right now they seem genuinely surprised each time the mask is pulled off and it turns out to be the museum owner or the carnival operator. But that might be because they have still to question the fact that Scooby can talk. Like, Zoinks Scoob. Wait til they find out that later he gets a nephew.