Friday, September 12, 2008

AUTHENTICALLY drunk post


Oh shoot. It's Friday and I forgot to give you a blog. My Gosh, Look: you are almost out of water as well. DO I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING IN THIS HOUSE.......
(Just re-read entry this morning. O My Head. Finding it difficult to crack open a can of Tuna and Shrimp for the kitties. )

Bananna has been in Kindergarten for two weeks now. Today she came home and announced her biggest discovery to date. Apparently, they had "cooking" as a lesson, and she was excited to announce that POPCORN DOES NOT ALWAYS HAVE TO COME OUT OF A MICROWAVE. I feel betrayed. It's as if they started teaching Creationism and didn't give me a heads up so I could rid the house of the plastic dinosaurs. I am worried she will start to suspect that HAMBURGERS DON'T COME FROM THE DINER DOWN THE STREET. I knew I should have Home Schooled.
(This is true, darnit. And now, of course, she will start insisting on 'real' popcorn and next thing you know she'll balk when I announce that Cereal is What's For Dinner Tonight.)

CBoy got an A on his very first spelling test. CBoy has a very relaxed teacher this year. The kind that will let you get out of gym if you have cramps, if you know what I mean. I am happy for CBoy that he will not have the anxiety of Jumping Through Hoops in Second Grade, but worried that he will not be Jumping Through Hoops in Second Grade. Yes, being stretched out on The Rack of Fear and Pressure is unpleasant, but doesn't it make you taller in the end?
(Note to self: watch referring to kid's teachers while drunk blogging. This is not in line with the "Kiss Ass All Year So He Might Get an A" policy that we have firmly established.)

We're going to an Obama fundraiser next week and I don't have anything to wear. I don't want my ass to remind people of the National Debt. But everything I try on makes me look Massive. And Republican.
(Note to self: Spray Tan. Takes off another 20 pounds.)

Pinot Grigio doesn't have to cost $27.00 a bottle to be good. But if you have a few glasses of the $27.00 variety, it makes the 8th glass of $7.00 Pinot Grigio taste like Ambrosia.
(This sounds a bit snooty and ewwww. Sorry readers. I'm not always entertaining while drunk-sometimes I am just plain obnoxious.)

This week I lost two more pounds on Jenny Craig and they came off my feet. So now I have floppy boobs and narrower feet. I am thinking next week I might have thinning hair.
(And the wine I had last night went straight to my thighs giving new meaning to the words: Weebles Wobble.)

Thanks for sticking with me and reading. You Rock! Goodnight Detroit!
(I don't remember writing this. Thanks for holding my hair back and for leaving such great comments.)

15 comments:

JenX67 said...

I'm not much of a wine connoisseur, but I get a great bottle of pinot down the street for 7 bucks a bottle. It's from Germany. It made me give up the sweet Zin.

Lorrie Veasey said...

zanks for the recommendation....wait.....what the hey..........

Blue said...

having been a teetotaler since, well, forever, i can't relate to the wine situation. but for the weight loss (or gain, when that happens. which is a lot more common than the loss factor) i can certainly relate. who knew the girls could look like hollow cucumbers? or that the pint of B&J's would actually manifest itself in the belly INTACT, as if I just injected the entire carton right under the surface of my skin? why couldn't i just eat a couple melons and have it happen for the girls up top like that?

oh the joy.

kwr221 said...

Oh that poor kitty! Get him to rehab, NOW!

Oh, and DH's NYC Yankees game?
6 hours at the ball park and rained out!

Me? Recovering from trip to mall with 2 over-energetic preteen girls. Yikes.I'll take any wine at this point and I don't care how much it costs.

Shonda Little said...

Good for you on the weight. You are my hero.

Becky said...

Say more about this fundraiser. What is the dress code? What if you just wore layers and layer of Spanx? You could say you thought it was a costume party, and you were dressing as baklava.

I am sure the Repubs don't even eat baklava, or know what it is, but if the Russians invade it, Sarah Palin is prepared to go to war. So much for drunken commenting. . .

Just like me ... said...

hello dear one ... I find if the motivation for drinking of the wine is right then so is the wine ...

I do love to choose my wine by the pic on the label - oh and the under $10 price tag ...

Choosing via label image does so get up the nose of the reeel connoisseur ... but you know I have been a marketing girl for sooo long image is everything ..

Many hugs for a happy weekend - being in the forward time zone Saturday is about to end for us - we have been school fete - ing ... love a good fete - and been up and down the giant slippery dip tooo many times ... sitting on that potato sack and whooping down that hill is just almost the best fun one can have - oh and I did take the boys up with me of course ... otherwise a 41 year old woman doing the slip alone could look a tad sad ...

Just like me ... said...

sorry me again - I have just been over to see MS Sarah Soul Moxie and I read your bit ...

You are da bomb Ms Lorrie ...can I adopt you as a sister in law or something ... can one of my lads marry into your family ... MIC wants them married off young so he has some hope of seeing grandchildren ... maybe five is too young - but hey I've arranged most things in my life thus far - so why not a marriage ... no need to answer right now .. take some time o think it thru :) le

Jennifer said...

I love drunk blogging. It seems to bring out the poet in all of us, doesn't it?

And I love that you refer to your rear end as the national debt. I'm so going to use that one sometime.

Debbie said...

You are so great to start my day off with so many laughs. The cat picture alone is fabulous. I wouldn't begin to know what to wear to a fundraiser - unless it was for me and then I think any of my pitiful clothes would cause people to open up their wallets and fling cash at me.

Ferocious Kitty said...

Lorrie, re: your comment on my blog:

I wish I could take credit for that piece. You can find the author here:
http://throughthefears.blogspot.com/

Bj in Dallas said...

I am only up this early because the sled team saw no reason for me to stay in bed. Started reading the comments and suddenly felt like a wino, but I do love a glass of buttery chardonnay. We used to drink Fat Bastard because the name was too funny, but the latest great label is Bitch (Le, think its from down under) and its pretty good too. Great to give as a gift in so many ways.
My favorite value wine is J.Lohr and I have a song that we sing;
J.Lohr, J.Lohr, it makes me such a whore, and when we're out I go get more, J.Lohr, J.Lohr......
In fact, I had some last night watching the weather channel and CNN about the hurricane- we just had lots of rain and wind, but nothing unusual. Down south got it bad, we may need to send wine to my gfriend in Houston....

Ashley said...

Love this post! My boobs are totally floppy, too. Ah well. As for the microwave popcorn? YES. I get that. My daughter's preschool teachers are PERFECT in every way. I'm thinking it's easier to DO EVERYTHING THE RIGHT WAY when you're salaried. Because around here? Hamburger meat definitely comes from the local restaurant. Unless daddy's cooking.

Miss Thystle said...

You totally can lose your hair from dieting. That's why you should stop right now.

Racie Lover said...

Hey, that kitty was my roommate at Betty Ford. I hate it that she fell off the wagon. That place is not cheap.