Friday, September 12, 2008
AUTHENTICALLY drunk post
Oh shoot. It's Friday and I forgot to give you a blog. My Gosh, Look: you are almost out of water as well. DO I HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING IN THIS HOUSE.......
(Just re-read entry this morning. O My Head. Finding it difficult to crack open a can of Tuna and Shrimp for the kitties. )
Bananna has been in Kindergarten for two weeks now. Today she came home and announced her biggest discovery to date. Apparently, they had "cooking" as a lesson, and she was excited to announce that POPCORN DOES NOT ALWAYS HAVE TO COME OUT OF A MICROWAVE. I feel betrayed. It's as if they started teaching Creationism and didn't give me a heads up so I could rid the house of the plastic dinosaurs. I am worried she will start to suspect that HAMBURGERS DON'T COME FROM THE DINER DOWN THE STREET. I knew I should have Home Schooled.
(This is true, darnit. And now, of course, she will start insisting on 'real' popcorn and next thing you know she'll balk when I announce that Cereal is What's For Dinner Tonight.)
CBoy got an A on his very first spelling test. CBoy has a very relaxed teacher this year. The kind that will let you get out of gym if you have cramps, if you know what I mean. I am happy for CBoy that he will not have the anxiety of Jumping Through Hoops in Second Grade, but worried that he will not be Jumping Through Hoops in Second Grade. Yes, being stretched out on The Rack of Fear and Pressure is unpleasant, but doesn't it make you taller in the end?
(Note to self: watch referring to kid's teachers while drunk blogging. This is not in line with the "Kiss Ass All Year So He Might Get an A" policy that we have firmly established.)
We're going to an Obama fundraiser next week and I don't have anything to wear. I don't want my ass to remind people of the National Debt. But everything I try on makes me look Massive. And Republican.
(Note to self: Spray Tan. Takes off another 20 pounds.)
Pinot Grigio doesn't have to cost $27.00 a bottle to be good. But if you have a few glasses of the $27.00 variety, it makes the 8th glass of $7.00 Pinot Grigio taste like Ambrosia.
(This sounds a bit snooty and ewwww. Sorry readers. I'm not always entertaining while drunk-sometimes I am just plain obnoxious.)
This week I lost two more pounds on Jenny Craig and they came off my feet. So now I have floppy boobs and narrower feet. I am thinking next week I might have thinning hair.
(And the wine I had last night went straight to my thighs giving new meaning to the words: Weebles Wobble.)
Thanks for sticking with me and reading. You Rock! Goodnight Detroit!
(I don't remember writing this. Thanks for holding my hair back and for leaving such great comments.)