Just A Blog Before I Go

The title of this blog references Graham Nash, who wrote Just A Song Before I Go and who also threatened to sue my butt for putting "Our House is a Very Very Very Fine House" on a platter because apparently I violated all sorts of copyrite laws, and therefore owed him A GAJILLION DOLLARS AND ALL MY UNSOLD PLATTERS, or so said his High Powered Attorney. At settlement, we shipped several hundred of those babies to Mr. Nash--I wonder to this day if he gave them to all his friends for Christmas. Prior to that, I actually wrote to him and asked him if we could DONATE the amount of the settlement and the product to the victims of Hurricane Katrina--which apparently pissed Mr. Nash off even more, and got me Banned for Life from the discussion boards on his website, not to mention some Very Nasty Emails from a group of CSN fans. (You think those people are tye dye pot smoking Gen Xers, but your opinion changes quickly after the second death threat.) But I digress.....

1. I am off to Shy-Town for the next three days, hence the title.

2. Thank you again for all your well wishes. Some of my best friends now live in my computer.

3. I am fully recovered and managed to easily find the 6 lbs. I lost with the flu. Actually 6 lbs. Plus. You know how when you throw up after having five Gin and Tonics that the very THOUGHT of Gin makes you feel a bit queasy? The same is true for getting the flu when you are on a strict Jenny Craig regimen. I cannot look at a frozen turkey wrap at the moment.

4. The Banana turned 5 on September 20 and so we held a three day fete and issued commemorative china.

5. Between organizing the live animals and finding The Banana a monkey costume, I forgot to fill the pinata. I am not a big fan of pinatas. Maybe it's because our first experience with one was so bad. We managed to find the only INDESTRUCTIBLE DRAGON PINATA in the world for CBoy's 3rd--and after giving 22 children three turns each with a steel baseball bat (INDOORS BY BREAKABLES MAY I ADD), Sexyhusbandomine had to reach for the chain saw. When the candy finally exploded all over the floor, it was like a SALE day at Macys. CBoy ended up crying and clutching two half unwrapped packages of Smarties. I had to take some Valium.

We soon switched to the kind where everyone gently pulls a ribbon and the candy finally falls out the bottom, but that was still too wild for my taste. So last year I wrapped the candy into individual sandwich bags so that there was only one bag per kid and then I made them SIT DOWN TO GET IT. After they used the Purell, of course. And I checked each one for choking hazards or peanut oil. Twice.

So we did not have an Evil Pinata. But we did have Mimosas and Bloody Marys, which is why people like to come to my kid's parties.

6. I cleaned the Art Cabinet yesterday and Complicatedboy had used up half a stack of Xerox paper drawing BOOBS of all sizes and shapes. Sexyhusbandomine is oddly proud of this new artistic phase.

7. I decided we could no longer keep NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC in the magazine rack in the bathroom.

8. I got my first piece of HATE EMAIL in response to this blog! Virtual High Five! I am amused by the fact that the person who sent it was reading posts in JUNE. However much time they spent reading four months of my drivel is time they are Never Going To Get Back. I'm just sayin.

9. Hate Email does not bother me, unless it is scented with patrouli oil and contains lyrics from Teach Your Children Well.

10. That is all: see you in a few days.