Monday, September 08, 2008


In true stalker fashion, Miss Thystle ( sent me a package that arrived today. Sadly it did not contain an ear or her husband's worn undergarments (she saves those to send to Oprah. Oprah gets all the good stuff), but it did contain some goodies from her home, the 48th State to join The Union. I think it is only fair that I virtually reciprocate with the equivalents from New York.

First off, she sent this excellent Dumb Ass Hot Sauce-(almost losing her foot in the process of obtaining it for me).

Now, allow me to send her the New York equivalent:

We call this "Piss in a Bottle" because...well, it actually IS pee. It's how the Great Bums of our city often void their bladders. Then they leave these bottles on the sidewalk. Which may be one of the reasons our city has a recycling problem.

Next: she sent Bananna some local gems.

Beautiful. Let me send her daughter M some of New York's rocks:

(In the eighties we used to wear this in a little bottle around our necks with the cutest little spoons. Just like Stevie Nicks.)

Finally, she sent CBoy some of the local wildlife--this great scorpion paperweight, and some rattlesnake eggs which he is soooo going to get a lot of mileage with in terms of practical jokes.

I feel compelled to send her some of our New York wildlife:

Yeah- I know what you people were thinking: New York is all about King Kong and crazy polar bears in the Central Park Zoo. Nope: we grow our reptiles big out here. Then we roast them on our balcony hibachis and slather them with hot sauce.

Big thank you to Kiki!! XO!

Dear Readers: I do love presents. South African readers-feel free to pop something shiny into the mail this week, and you guys in France see if you can stuff Johnny Depp into a box.


Miss Thystle said...

Just wait until you see what I bring you NEXT week! It's about THIS BIG and very cranky and needs a drink and is supposed to be doing the payroll but is blog surfing instead. If you guessed Oprah in a box, you're wrong. That's what's in my closet, ball gagged and praying that this time I don't make her give me a pedicure while I watch TiVo'd shows like "Love me, Love my doll" and other randomness courtsey of BBC America.

Shonda Little said...

Oh, that New York wildlife is funny.

Debbie said...

This is great stuff. I am crazy about you and Miss Thystle. What perfect presents. You two should do your own "favorite things" lists. Can I get in on the local stuff - we have some fabulous things here in the mountains of TN!

Bj in Dallas said...

A reptile dysfunction?????
I didn't know you girls owned gators.....

I'll send you three sizes of dog poop from the sled team, small medium, and rhino and see what your NY equivalent is- top that one

Miss Thystle- that hot sauce will make you see Jesus, I've had it-
hell it will burn the skin on your fingers! And I live in the land of Hot Sauce!

Racie Lover said...

That bottle gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "drinking corners".

I'm supposed to be designing our Turkey of the Year glass but I am too busy writing this and checking my blog site to see if anyone besides BJ has read today's post(and that is only because I emailed her and begged her to post a comment so I don't look like Billy No Friends).

Paco still hasn't visited my site btw. Should I be worried?

Bj in Dallas said...

He reads it in his underwear in the bathroom.........

Racie Lover said...

So that's why he spends so much time in there...

Debra W said...

Awww, Lorrie, you're making me homesick!

Spatula said...

I can't wait to move to your lovely city, and get my own gator.

Bj in Dallas said...

Come over when you can and see the new addition to our group

kwr221 said...

Thank you to Marla from Pak Adventures for giving me some Blog Love. I'd like to pass on the lovin' so read on... (and I'm going to try and not list people I've already given awards to - I'm fair like that.) LORRIE - YOU'RE ON THE LIST!

Now.. the rules are....

1.The winner puts logo on her/his blog.
2.Link the person you received your award from.
3.Nominate 7 other blogs.
4.Put links of those blogs on yours.
5.Leave a message on the blogs of those you’ve chosen.

sheila said...

I went to Zest Fest in Ft Worth, TX yestreday, and I think I tried that hot sauce. BJ knows of what she speaks...

I bought many, many flavors of sauce & salsa & rubs (we like our BBQ hot at my house). Of course, the same thing will happen this time that always happens when we go to this particular Fest: we burn our mouths on the 1st or 2nd thing we try, and then we can no longer feel the heat. And we buy a bunch of crap & then when we try it a few weeks later we think, "What the hell were we thinking??!! This is HOT!"

But you enjoy with care, Miss Lorrie.

Megan said...

Is that really pee in a bottle? FOR REAL?

I'm never coming to NYC.

Ok, that's a lie. But you'll have to protect me from the pee in a bottle and the gators, ok?

What would you like from Kansas? A little bit of wheat, perhaps?

Jennifer said...

When you're done with Johnny Depp, can you send him my way? I'd appreciate it very much.

JenX67 said...

You are so funny. Way funnier than Dooce, who I am thinking about now, b/c Third on The Right wrote a quip about her, which I just read. So, I have to wonder - in a world of 5 billion or so people, three of my favorite blogs are written by Mormon women and three others by Black women and one by an Aussie. Oh, and two angry white guys. We can learn a lot about ourselves blogging, huh? Oh, and the California blogger. She is Jewish and writes the most Christ-like stuff -- because God is love? God is three-in-one? So, we open our minds on this big adventure of blogging.

Pretty deep for a Wednesday morning. So, now I have surg on over to see the stalker, Miss Thystle.

kwr221 said...

I'm thinking that Lorrie and Miss Thystle ran away together, leaving us to pick up the pieces.

I mean, really, Lorrie hasn't blogged since Monday and Thystle has been MIA since the weekend.

They've exchanged hometown gifts, plotted weekend getaways and drunken binges, exchanged public bloggy love, and now? They're. Gone.

I'm tellin' ya, it's true.

kip said...

Hey Jenx67,

which one of these is Lorrie?

"So, I have to wonder - in a world of 5 billion or so people, three of my favorite blogs are written by Mormon women and three others by Black women and one by an Aussie. Oh, and two angry white guys."

Bj in Dallas said...

I suddenly wondered myself if Lorrie is black or a man- I know she's not a Mormon!!!

Maybe she's out on the streets recycling wine bottles to send to Sarah Palin along with an alligator purse- full of hot sauce
I'm just saying as she would say