Today's giveaway is for LOSERS. That's right! The only people who are allowed to enter are: PEOPLE WHO HAVE NEVER WON ANYTHING FROM OUR NAME IS MUD. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. NOT EVEN AN OWL. You are playing for an original LOL Mug designed by me and available from www.ournameismud.com.
This is the perfect mug for drinking a beverage while sitting at your computer corresponding with that kind gentleman in Nigeria who just informed you that you have won the lottery! Take a few sips before you hand over all that account info. The back of this mug reads: Take a Moment and Restart. Which should make you ROFLMAO. Great gift for the office or that special BFF. Individually handpainted in vibrant blue and green.
TO ENTER:
1. In the comments section below tell me a joke.
2. One entry per person please.
3. Winner announced at some point Monday.
4. Try to keep it cleanish people: my Mother In Law reads this thing.
Good Luck!!
40 comments:
The joke my son's oncologist told him this morning:
Why did the orange go to the doctor?
Because he wasn't peeling well!
Have a wonderful weekend!
knock knock
(who's there)
RUNEEP!
(runeep who)
HAHAHAHA. Hi Nonnie!
PS. I already won something, but my friends 3yo told me that joke last night, so I had to share.
PPS how'd you get 50 followers? Animal sacrifices or something.
PPPS. Nothing. I just wanted to type "PPPS"
Q. How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. That's not funny!
What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a Pitt Bull?
Lipstick
Yea, it's bad but it's all I got!
What did the fish say when it swam into the wall??
Damn!
That's the dirtiest joke my ex-boss every told me.
sad.
what a day to visit here, 1. i have never won from your site and 2. my kids left their turkey joke book out. so i have a turkey day joke. i'm gonna randomly pick one out..
What sound does a turkey's phone make?
"WING, WING !"
happy thanksgiving
lynda in calif
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"
My 10 year old told me two jokes when she got home from school 15 minutes ago.
1. She talked a mile a minute (whatever that means - she was fast)
2. It still took her almost 15 minutes to tell me.
3. I forgot them already.
4. I've already won.
What a great idea! Can I comment with my other screen name?
Just KIDDING!
Sheesh.
Happy Friday.
My nephew keeps telling me jokes that make no sense, so I have taught him to say "it's conceptual" at the end so that people just don't stare at him strangely. So, now his jokes go like this:
"Knock, knock"
"Who's there?"
"Batman."
"Batman who?"
"Batman bathtub."
(Crickets)
"It's conceptual."
I'm hoping that will eventually get him a scholarship to an Ivy League school.
Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A: You put a mirror on the bottom of the pool
:)
I like this one, recently told by one of the kiddos at work... I remember it from childhood too:
Knock Knock
(who's there?)
Banana
(banana who?)
Knock Knock
(who's there?)
Banana
(banana who?)
Knock knock
(who's there?)
Banana
(banana who?)
KNOCK KNOCK?
(WHO IS THERE?)
ORANGE!!!
(um... orange who?)
ORANGE YOU GLAD I DIDN"T SAY BANANA?!
Hahahahahhaaaaaaa.
No, I haven't ever won anything. Probably because I get all my good jokes from little kids.
Well, shoot! Nadine stole my joke. BTW, Nadine? The punchline is DAM!
Okay...
How do you make a turkey float?
Take two scoops of ice cream, some root beer and a turkey...
After a bitter marketing war, in which prices were continually being undercut, Birdseye and the Green Giant got together to settle their differences at a Peas Conference.
I already won, but here is a joke anyway:
David received a parrot for his birthday. The parrot was fully-grown with a
bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those
that weren't expletives were, to say the least, very rude.
David tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying
polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of to try and set
a good example. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird yelled
back. He shook the bird and the bird just got more angry and became even
more rude.
Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer.
For a few moments he heard the bird squawk and kick and scream. Then
suddenly, there was quiet - not a sound for half a minute. David was
frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer
door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said:
"I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I
will endeavor at once to correct my behavior. I really am truly sorry and
beg your forgiveness."
David was astonished at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask
what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued:
"May I ask what the chicken did?"
Knock Knock
Who's There?
Winnie
Winnie who?
Winnie is good, he is very, very good!
Hi! When SS was having your turkey day platter giveaway I literally spent my entire 2 planning periods browsing your site!
You are very talanted! Always good to know a fellow wino!!
Waddaya do with a rhino with three balls?
Walk him and pitch to the elephant.
Pick ME! Pick ME!
So, I'm not a very good joke teller. I can't think of a single clean one, but I asked my kids, and then after eliminating the first few suggestions (due to bathroom humor content) here's the best I could come up with (from them):
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo, who?
Don't cry, it's just a joke.
Sorry, that's the best I've got, but I WANT to win!
Thanks for commenting on my blog. After I visited yours, I went to my cupboard and pulled out an "Innocent Bystander" green mug, which is my daughter's fave. (My son has the red "Troublemaker" one.) Wow, I feel like a celebrity stopped by! Esp. since I'm an amateur potter/ceramist myself.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick!!
Told to me by my nephew. I love it's simplicty...it's conceptual! (thanks for that, Logical Libby)
A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says "Do you realize that you have a steering wheel down your pants?".
And the pirate says, "Aarrrgh, it's driving me nuts!!!"
(my wife's favorite joke)
I just stopped by to read the jokes and see who won... No winner listed yet. Funny jokes, though!
It takes many nails to build a crib nut only one screw to fill it :) Too naughty? Mugs are great. I love mugs. Mug me.
Oooh, I meant but def not nut :)
Oooh, I meant but def not nut :)
Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Thought this was funny, heard it during our childbirth class at the local hospital when pregnant with our first child. :D
Btw, thanks for the support. <3
I've won so damn much from you, I'm adding on to the house as we speak to spotlight my collection
BUT...
A lady walks into see her dentist and puts her hand on her hip and says "I just want you to know that I would rather have a BABY than have a root canal" and the dentist looks at her and says
"well make up your mind so I can adjust the chair"
try the veal....
Why are flowers so lazy?
Because you always find them in their beds!! ;)
Hi, I am a loser ;)
Forewarned is forearmed and four armed is half an octopus!
Yes, that was terrible...but you said I had to keep it clean.
Thanks for visiting my blog and commenting, by the way!
OK pack the mug, this sucker is the winner (I know I know I'm just trying to be confident and sound like a comedian...)
A guy walks past a pet shop and sees a sign on the door, "TALKING DOG FOR SALE." He is blown away at the idea and goes inside. He walks up to the guy at the counter and says,
"You have a talking dog??"
"Yep."
"But that's incredible!!"
"Yep."
"Can I see him?"
"Yep. Over in the corner there." The shop keeper points over to the corner, disinterested.
The guy walks over and says...
"Er..hi."
The dog replies, "Good morning sir."
The guy is in a state of disbelief. He says to to the dog, "Wow, you can really talk! You wanna tell me something about yourself?"
"Sure, sir. Well, I was a young pup when my talent was discovered, and I was snatched up by the CIA to work for the government. I risked my life day after day, being placed in top secret, undercover situations. Then I was placed in various strategic positions around the world, often sitting in boardrooms of world leaders, learning their secrets as they discussed world issues. I was in demand all over the world, and served my country well. A few years ago I was travelling through dangerous territories and managed to divert a hostage situation on an international flight. My reward was so great I was able to retire and since then I've been kicking back. I just came here to find a home because I want to live the rest of my days with someone who loves me for who I am."
The guy was speechless...he goes over to the shopkeeper and says, "That dog is AMAZING! How much?"
Shopkeeper says, "Ten bucks."
"TEN BUCKS??? Is that IT??"
"Yep ten bucks."
"Why so cheap" the guy says.
The shopkeeper finally looks up and says to the guy, "Cos he's a liar. He didn't do all that stuff..."
I have never won from your site. Heck, I've never won from any site, so I guess that makes this a good time to enter.
A lady goes to her refrigerator to get out some salad fixings. When she opens the door, she sees a rabbit sitting in the middle of her lettuce.
"What are you doing in there!" she asks.
The rabbit replies, "Is this a westing house?"
The lady looks at the model of her fridge, and sure enough, it's a Westinghouse so she says yes.
The rabbit then say, "Well, I'm just westing."
Dear Lorrie
the window installation was
a big hit
I had a great time.
Cheers
What's green and red and spins around? A frog in a blender!
Yuck! Gross joke
Elaine R
emrosser@shaw.ca
knock knock...
who's there?
Dwayne.
Dwayne who?
Dwayne the bathtub, I'm daw--owning!
Oh good, I'm not too late! This is a fun giveaway, I can never remember jokes but my daughter loves them and now I have some good ones for her.
Here is another one:
Q: What does the lion say to his friends before they go out hunting for food?
A: 'Let us prey.' :)
ok, I only have lame jokes that I cannot remember because I have the memory of a dead fish. But here goes...
Why did the man freeze his money?
Because he wanted cold, hard cash!
Ba Domp Ching!
Pick Me, Pick Me, I love free stuff, and I'm a loser!
I already left you my rhino joke. Hmmm maybe I'll "accidentally " get 2 entries, now. Just letting you know I have an award for you and some party game ideas at my blog.
Happy Thanksgiving!
WHat do you call an armless legless woman against a wall...EILEEN!
yep, I've got a million of armless legless man/woman jokes! I wanna win!
The other day, my 8 yr.old nephew said"Aunt Lisa,I thought you said you have breast cancer?" I said "yeah I do,Why?" He said"Then why are you trying to save a dance?"What? Your shirt says "Save the Ta-Tas, but you're seeing a chitty doctor.
Lisa Stein amina_b@msn.com
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