Jane! Is In Da NeST

Guest Post by RETIRED (snort) BLOGGER Jane! Proof enough that blogging really is like the mafia.

Hidey ho, Mud-hens!


Chief chicken-keeper Lorrie, is off doing some very important, mother/wife/potter things today.

Okay, I actually have no clue what’s going on. I don’t ask questions, I just jump on the chance to freelance blog.

Emphasis on the FREE part so please remember that you get what you pay for.

No, no, don’t leave! She’ll be back and I’m sure she’ll be giving away something fabulous just for commenting on this post.

Okaynotreally, but stay with me anyway, ‘kay? I’m kind of nervous.

I’ve never done this before.

I am a guest blogging virgin.

Woops.

Is the word ‘virgin’ Nonnee approved? I promised Lorrie I'd behave.

I may also be a bit rusty because a while back I gave up blogging so I could catch up on some of the neglected pieces of my life - like cleaning out the glove and mitten tub and replacing my broken shoelaces. Oh and grocery shopping, because all things edible evaporate like cheap perfume at my house.

Now before you all start pushing and shoving your way onto the blogditching bus, I better tell you it hasn’t been ALL romp and frolic. I have actually learned some things.

Firstly, I discovered that our home has probably been robbed by a large band of one-handed thieves with cold hands.

Secondly, that shoelace manufacturers totally LIE to you about how many eyelets their product will accommodate. And let me tell you, Miss Snotty Shoe-Clerk, if I had the whole shoelace to measure for replacement, I wouldn’t NEED a replacement! I am completely capable of tying knots, but not in phantom laces.

Perhaps the hardest puzzle fo my pea brain to process has been how to determine the price of things I would like to buy. Well, not really LIKE to buy because I never really LIKE to spend my money, especially on things I buy, bring home and never see again. I think our freezer has a leak.

Even though I do numbers for a living, retail is seriously causing a tumor to grow over my good nature. I’ve put up with the 99-cent lie forever because I can understand that perhaps $16.99 may sound a whole lot cheaper than $17 to someone who, say, can’t count. Or think.

One of the reasons I used to adore my beloved Tarzsay was their plain pricing. Items were $2 or $17 or $156! Not $99.99! They didn’t try to mess with my head. But these days, although I still loves the Big Red Bullseye, I have to think they have let the freaky pricing wonks infiltrate their staff - excuse me, their team membership.

Not only does $2 peanut butter share an ad page with $1.99 deodorant, but now they are selling fart fiber bars for 2 for $5. Not $2.50 or even $2.49, but 2 for $5! I imagine this is their way of getting me to buy more than one box.

Two for $5! Well, of course I must by TWO!

And once I’m hooked, it’ll be 3 for $8! And not only will I buy THREE, but I probably won’t even notice that the price has gone up because the purchasing lobe in my brain and my bowels will no longer be my own!

Okay, then please explain why the lunch-thingables are going for $1.25 while the pimped-up ramen is selling 4 for $5? Is there a reason I shouldn’t buy more than one thingable? Is this a conspiracy? Are you saying I’m fat?!?!

That’s it, I bet! Only dry noodles for Ms. Mega-thighs in You-tah!

I wonder if GM has considered using this creative pricing thing to pull itself out of bankruptcy. They already tried the 99 method, which was not highly successful because, now tell me, when you dicker the price of a car, would you EVER say to the salesman 'I give you $24,999 for that F950'? No, you would probably just say ‘I give you $19 thou, my old Bronco and a date with my slutty sister if you toss in the gun rack’.

You wouldn’t? Oh.

Well, I think GM should try selling by the seat. For instance, instead of listing a Yukon for $39,999* they should advertise it at the low, low price of just $5137 per passenger*. Sounds like a better deal, huh? And the average car buyer probably doesn’t have enough fingers to figure out that that multiplies out to $41,056 for the 8-seater and suddenly we have an extra $1000 back in the bailout fund!

Sounds nothing but win/win to me.

I do have to hope that they don’t try the 3 for $100,000 thing because my family is going to need a new auto soon and there is NOT room for THREE in my driveway.

‘Cause, if they’re 3fer…. I have to buy 3…. right?



Peace, love, Mud!


*On approved credit, other restrictions may apply. See dealer for complete details on how to spend more than you can probably afford.