Monday, June 08, 2009
ToP SeCReT BloG
TIPPY TOP SECRET UBER CONFIDENTIAL POST
The Sky Is Falling, Chickens.
I have heard on good authority that a huge meteorite is about to hit Earth, blasting our planet into smithereens. The government left weeks ago for a secret hide out on Mars, leaving lookalikes in their place (really--I know you noticed something seemed a little different about Obama lately.) Only people who read this blog are allowed to be in the know, so please keep this information to yourself.
You now have three choices in terms of reacting to the news above:
1. GO ON A RAMPAGE
Now that you know the rules of society are meaningless, you need not worry about punishment. Let loose and go sow some oats. Steal, fight, pillage and destroy. For many of you this will mean basically sticking to your routine but kicking it up a notch.
2. PREPARE FOR THE AFTERLIFE
Find the nearest church, temple, synagogue or mosque and give it your all in an attempt at last minute salvation. Buy the Cliff Notes for the Bible, the Koran, or a Martha Stewart Cookbook. Ask a Higher Power for Redemption. Note-this option is not compatible with Option Number One.
3. SIT IN FRONT OF YOUR TELEVISION
Stare at the screen in numbed disbelief. You may not even notice much change from everyday life.
THIS JUST IN: Scratch all of the above. Turns out it's just Monday.
Posted by Lorrie Veasey at 5:39 PM