OK OK UNCLE I give up.... I'll do ANYTHING. Just please Stop. The Torture.
From
Lorrie It itches and pinches Veasey.
Dear Homeland Security:
I know how to make terrorists talk. See above.
Love,
The girl who forgot her passport TWO times in a row.
Dear Followers who left because of my post about drugs
I give my kids WHITE BREAD too.
So shoot me.
Love,
Themycarbonfootprintisfreekinghuge Girl
Dear Readers who wrote such lovely supportive comments on my blog,
I heart you.
For Reals.
Even if so many of you did not send me fabulous cards, like this great one that Jen sent.
But PS-you can still send me one.
Love, me
Dear Greek Restaraunt on the corner,
That was MY BOSS i brought in to lunch the other day. I don't think the fact that she later spent the evening driving the porcelain bus is going to get me a raise. No tip for you!
Love.
Glad I just had hummus
Dear HBO
I lerves Sookie and Bu-hill. But he's a little too serious sometimes--like he's got a big stake up his butt. Please give Mr. Compton a little sense of humor.
Love,
I should write TV
dear Ex Husband o mine
What were you trying to tell me when you sent me this picture of you and some of your freindfs?
Put some pants on. I mean it.
Love me.
WRITE YOUR OWN DEAR... in comments
22 comments:
Um...I can't write my own because I'm too creeped out by the pic of your ex-husband and his friends. Guys shouldn't be photographing each other like that and emailing it about. For reals.
Dear bugged eyed jerk that sits by me:
CHEW WITH YOUR MOUTH CLOSED!!!
Love
T
Dear Jackass That Jumped In Front Of Me In Panera So You Could Fill Your Cup With Ice Before I Could Fill Up Mine,
I hope you spilled it on yourself, making it look like you wet your pants.
Love, Jen
P.S. Love that my card made the blog! I feel so famous...
Dear Girl in the cubicle next to me,
We're not friends so dont talk to me about your day. I dont care that you're hair wont grow & that you're jealous about how long mine is. I know I'm super freakin cool but just shut your pie hole already.
Love,
Me
Dear boss,
Just because you are in charge of me doesn't mean that I have to accept a hug from you. You're an old man and it freaks me out.
Your uncomfortable employee
dear makers of ice cream, gelato, chocolate, and pies of all kinds,
i wish you didn't exist. i wish you'd never been born. i wish someone would blow up your factory. i wish your flavor engineers' tongues were cut out.
Sincerely yours,
~Blue's spreading derriere
Oh Lorrie, I'd never try to top you!
Dear doctor from a foreign land
Just because they taught you English in school, doesn't mean that anyone HERE can understand you. If you don't lose at least part of your accent, you will be sued for giving your patient 500 mg of Alprazolam. I am sure you mean to say 0.5 mg but, once again, i saved your ass.
Sincerely,
theonewhosavesyourasseveryday.
Dear Lorrie,
You're kidding about that being your ex husband, right?
xoxo
Grossed out.
Dear Alexander Skarsgard,
Are you really a vampire? Please bite me.
Luv,
sowhatifI'mmarried
PS. Dear People who think Lorrie shouldn't give CBoy drugs,
The baby jesus hates you.
suckit,
ItakedrugstooandIdon'tcarewhatyouthinkaboutit
Dear Flashy Rich People,
Holding "business meetings" at strip clubs screams "Trashy New Money".
Love,
Myfamilydoesntneedyourmoneyanyway
Dear Lorrie,
The card in my head says "CONGRATS ON YOUR BIG 50" on the front. "0th POST" is on the inside.
Love,
Lazy Me
Dear Lorrie,
You owe me some new eyeballs after that speedo pic.
Love,
Krëg's optic nerves
WV: pleadsts
The correct way to begin your request for a twelfth shot of tequila: 'Pleadsts givesh me nutha shawt!'
Dear Drivers who sit there with their car engines running for 30 minutes whilst waiting for their kids,
Did you mislay the Off button?
Chokingly Yours,
Slightly Cleaner Air Freak
Dear Drivers who don't signal before they turn,
Were you too cheap to buy the optional extra signal lever?
Yours,
Nexttimeipromiseillrunintoyou
WV: tutart - your picture of the guys
Dear anorexic sister-in-law,
just because you don't wish to feed your child sugar, doesn't mean I have to abide by that. When he's 12 and obese and diabetic, don't blame me, blame the ding dongs he has hidden in his pillow.
Love,
your chubby sister-in-law
Dear Lorie,
ok, you can now blame me when people find your blog searching for ding dongs. . .sorry.
Apologetically,
me
Dear My Almost-Two-Year-Old,
Please quite acting like an almost-two-year-old.
Thankssomuch,
Your Mama
Dear People Who Drive Slow In the Fast Lane,
MOVE.
Ruby
Dear Lorrie
I was so busy reading all the comments you have left at my place lately, I almost missed this over here....!
Dear Postman,
Please do not crush the large envelope I am mailing Lorrie Veasey ummm...tomorrow. It has precious, original artwork in it.
kaffi- that girl you don't like to sit next to
Dear man in the grocery store who looked at me as he approached me with his shopping cart, I was really stunned that you veered towards me and not away from me and ran over my foot. But I was even more stunned that you decided to keep on going and ran over my foot again with the shopping carts back wheel. I really doubted your sincerity when you apologized, mostly because you were laughing at the time. If I hadn't been so damn shocked I would have kicked your ass.
Dear Lorrie, I hope you are having a wonderful summer.
Dear Doctor:
I'm not sick. Stop giving me all those tests and all those meds so you can pay for all that fancy equipment you bought. You have created the health care crisis all by yourself.
Yours (not): thepatientwhoargueswithyouandhasnotesinherfile"patientbecameangry"
thepatientwhoargueswithyouandhasnotesinherfile
"patientbecameangry"
Dear ZDub's garage,
You have WAY too much crap in it, mostly from my failed business venture. Please liquidate your damn self.
Hugs,
Zakary-IHATECLUTTER-Dub
Dear Kiki,
Please visit CO so we can then drive to Mexico to buy more drugs. Troy and Zoe can drive.
XO-
ZakaryneedsmedicationduetogarageW.
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