Friday, October 09, 2009


Dear Chickens-

Where do I begin? What a week I've had with Kreg in the cit-ay!

When Kreg first arrived, I was a little short on cash. We needed some fun money to paint the town red. So I put him right to work.

It was clear when the day's take was a cigarette butt and a Canadian nickle, that I needed to find some other way to generate income. Plus, Kreg was grumpy. "I am a Serious Musician, damnit" he said to me "Surely you can find some way for me to use my God given talents." So I found him a gig in Times Square.

But his earnings decreased as the temperature dropped. So I had him pretend to be deaf and ask for money on the subway.

But everytime a person would go to donate he would mix up the hand sign for THANK YOU with the Vulcan hand greeting and blow the whole deal. Next morning when we hung around Rockefeller Center, I got another idea.

We decided he should pose as an obscure and forgotten child actor and come forth with shocking revelations that involved a stint in rehab and an affiliation with Scientology. This plan worked right away.

He killed it on Conan and Letterman.

Dave said he thought Kreg was cute. So anyway, we were rolling in dough so we could finally go out and do some of the New York stuff that Kreg had been asking to do since he arrived.

And we had fun. Serious fun. Right up until here:

Once I save the bail money, I'm sending him to someone else for a visit. I am EXHAUSTED.


Bj in Dallas said...

I say he needs a stint in Utah to straighten his ass up.

Or show the Utahnians how to party......

wv: lanoly

Utah will no longer be the lanoly land when Kreg shows up

Jane! said...

Go ahead, send him to Utah. We need the amusement.

He's going to freeze his dwenie off in those whitey tightys.

Bj in Dallas said...

I think we should really mail him around the country, even over to see Le downunder. Kind of like the traveling box of Bloggy Goodness that never left IOWA (I'm just saying Kristen)

av: putbart

putbart, I mean Kreg, in the tube and send him to Whoop Whoop

Anonymous said...

Fun to read this blog. I really like all the places you visited and things you did. Even if he did get arrested, lol.

Rachel@just another day in paradise said...

if we all come visit you, can we expect the same hospitality. . .or is it only reserved for the kregster?

Nadine Hightower said...

When I go To New York City, I wanna do all those things too!!!!!

Sheila said...

Kreg is the grown-up (and I use that term loosely) version of Flat Stanley. Send him to TEXAS and BJ, Racie & I can take him to the state fair. Le can teach how to kill a gator in Whoop Whoop, etc. etc. etc. It could be awesome!!

Lo said...

We'd take him in a heartbeat, here in Utah. We know how to have fun without getting caught and thrown in the slammer.
Thanks for the Laughs.

reneopo: a dippity dopity renegade

ZDub said...

Kreg always could rock out a pair of cowboy boots like nobody's business.

Jealous of all the memories you made with Kreg!

P.S. I seriously think you should start the whole Flat Stanley thing with Kreg so he can visit different bloggers. It's genius.

Blue said...

so THAT'S what you've been so busy doing that you haven't had time to play with me. I'm now struck with a SERIOUS case of KregEnvy. It's probably terminal. Unless you come through tomorrow of course.

you get your groove on and call me woman! i'm staying at the Waldorf...maybe kreg would like to visit?!

WV: Bachroon

that must be the place i bought my fake Versace and gucci bags today in the secret, illicit underground shopping world of China Town.

Jen said...

"But his earnings decreased as the temperature dropped." Funniest damn line ever.

rpc said...

You could have a new career as a tour guide. I'm taking my sister around your cit-ay next week, but somehow I don't think we'll be able to hit quite so many high spots.

Kreg's IN for TEN years!

Miss Thystle said...

I like his boots. Tres chic.

le @ whoopwhoop said...

hee hee hee hee still laughing hee hee hee too funny best to you lorrie girl and yes I would be honoured to host the flat kreg down under ... will of course have to call him krego - as in dave - davo, pete - peto, john - johno ... you know - o ... just can't help adding the ooooooo - best le xo

Drew said...

"Need money for beer, drugs, drug rehab, and hookers". Glad to see honesty isn't dead.

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