A NeW TRaiL

Those of you who read this blog fairly regularly (Hi Dad) know that awhile back I started, and abandoned, a new ETSY blog that featured great handmade goodies, called The Trail of Hearts.  I wrote about six posts on it and then abandoned ship. Lord knows just keeping this little blog chugging along is trouble enough.

Speaking of which-can I just mention that last night Sexyhusbandomine was reading through my posts and turned to me and said "If you write about our children being sick one more time I will probably UNfollow you."  And I was all like: "Ok Mr. Funnypants, why don't you do something that merits a paragraph of about 700 words." And he was all, like "You Never Cook!" And I was all like "And you snore!" And then we threw dishes at each other and later made up with wild passionate sex.  (Absolutely not true, Dad.  I made that last part up.)

Anyhoo, a fabulous reader with a fabulous blog of her own Hi! I'm Amy!  stepped in and rescued the blog!  But she didn't just rescue it- she did an extreme makeover on it and now it is A M A Z I N G.  It has buttons and gizmos and her head photoshopped on a skinny body, just to mention a few things.  What it needs is More Followers.  Because little Amy is gonna grow that thing and before you know it, she'll have a book deal and will be selling ad space, and I'll still be trying to come up with 700 words and be funny without having to resort to fart jokes.  So please visit the brand spankin new, totally revamped TRAIL OF HEARTS and give some love to my girl Amy.  Pack a lunch and hit it, but watch out for bears.

DRaW YouR MoTHeR

I am a big fan of kid's art-- and find it to be better than my own so expressive, truthful, lively and compelling.  As we near the day I hopefully will get to spend in bed eating bon bons MOTHER'S DAY, many children are creating portraits like these...

Here, a happy mom is seen wearing a "Best Mom" brooch.

As you can see, Mom is pretty and happy in most pictures.  Like this one, which  proves that even if Mom applies makeup like Tammy Faye Baker, she's still a beauty in the eyes of her child.

Some kids like to paint a happy picture of themselves WITH their Mom:

others like to immortalize the words of  wisdom imparted by their mom in a visual statement -- an homage to the Tao of Mom

Others are very emphatic about the status that they feel their mom holds in the world...

I am not going to enter a Mother of the Year competition against that one anytime soon. 

And then there is My Daughter, Banana.  Who recently created this portrait of her mom...

and made sure my glass was half full.  Luckily, my eyes are still open and I haven't passed out face down in my dinner..... yet.  

BuGGiN YeT AGaiN

Not much is going on in Veaseyville, Chickens.  Every errant germ and stray bug continues to make it's way to our home and use The Spawn as its host.  Every morning I go to wake The Banana and find her sleeping in the center of a circle of crumpled tissues.  Yesterday she had TWO throat cultures-- just to be abo-looot-ly sure she did not have The Strep.

I hate throat cultures.  I think modern science should have come far enough by now that doctors should be able to conduct that test by having us spit into a cup.  I'm thinking someone should start a telethon for this purpose.

The Banana is also not a big fan of sticks being stuck in places where they should not be allowed.  When she was tested for Swine Flu, they stuck what resembled a thinner version of  Harry Potter's wand up her nostril in what appeared to be  an attempt to swab the front portion of her brain, and she kicked the doctor right in the hooey.  That's. My.  Girl.

So we discussed ways she could avoid doing bodily injury to the doctor who administered the dreaded throat swab, and I suggested SINGING. I taught her the Kiss classic "Lick It Up" specifically for this purpose.  She decided not to use this technique.

Regardless--She was a ROCK STAR.  She sat calmly, cross legged on the examining table with her mouth wide open and let them shove that stick down her throat and wipe all around her tonsils.

AND THEN SHE BURPED.

Right into the face of the surprised doctor.  And not a little dainty- o- i -drank-my-gingerale-too-fast- burp.  A big, loud, long, roiling, odiferous, grumbly rumbly burp.

Again: That's. My.  Girl.

ReFRiDGeRaToR BoXeS

I used to think the Spawn were quite creative every time they built a tent out of the covers from their bed or made a train out of an appliance box.  Then I saw these pictures of what other children built using common household items...


Photos By Tim MacPherson

100 BoTTLeS oF WiNe On ThE WaLL

Everyone knows you can't judge a wine by it's bottle! But we can try- can't we?



Just as every wine may effect each palette differently, the Rorschach inkblot test’s meaning is different to each viewer. With this bottle design, Inkwell Wine asks, “what do you see?” Wine: so much cheaper than therapy.



The crew from /M/A/S/H/ returns to this list with a special bottle for Redheads Wine. A collaboration with Redheads Studio yielded a bottle called “Return of the Living Red”– a simple, provocative design with a throwback to classic horror films. Because zombies need something to wash the brain down with.


As long as you don’t store these wines in your garage (especially next to the turpentine), you’re in for a tasty treat of packaging design. The Mini Garage Wines and Brandies by Anthony Hammond have a literal conception– Hammond’s wine is produced in a former tractor shop in Germany. When we move to the suburbs, I am so getting a workbench in the garage...with a glass rack.




A quick glance at these bottles instantly communicates this winery’s main value– three generations of expertise. The Matsu Organic Wine bottles show the history of this wine from grandfather to grandson, showing the focus this family has put into its grape over these generations. My plan is to start off with the young hottie and move down the line. I'm pretty sure by the third bottle that Grandpa starts looking like George Clooney.




An instant classic, the Boarding Pass Shiraz label is one of the most creative theme-based designs in recent years. The front label is essentially a boarding pass with the travel details replaces with information about the wine. I can only imagine the line for the restroom on that flight.





The best part about B Frank Wine’s label is the part you add yourself. If it’s time for a heart-to-heart with a friend, co-worker or lover, this is the bottle you want to have handy. Just be frank, speak your mind and get it out in the open. This design is the work of Talia Cohen for the B Frank digital marketing agency. I think this would be even better if people had to fill in the label AFTER the contents were gone...although most times it would probably just say "becaush I loves ya man..."



Designer Raya Ivanovskaya has put a wealth of cultural flavor into the Vine Parma Wine design. Wrapping around this bottle are hieroglyphics, totems and a mystic language telling tales of times past. Thank goodness there is finally something to bring to that next voodoo ritual I'm invited too. The chickens were becoming cumbersome.


While this label may be a tough read for the layman, its design is strikingly attractive to those who cannot understand its language. The Lazarus Wine bottle features a label printed in big, bold braille with either a black or yellow background. If a blind man drinks this, do the girls still get prettier?


All you need to get to know a good wine is to take a slow, calculated and careful sip. Very Chic Wine hopes to make an impression before you sample with this attractive, floral-inspired packaging. Because nothing says Klassy like a wine bottle you can slip into your tampon carrying case...just sayin.

Pretentious Art Post

Berlin-based artist Hans Hemmert (famous for his work with balloons) threw a party where guests wore shoe-extenders to make them all the same height of 2 meters. Aside from bringing the partygoers all to a common eye level (and eliminating the awkward postures of party talk between the tall and the short), the gathering is lent an infographic nature by the shoes: all made from blue foam, the person's real height is read in the visual uniformity of the sole instead of at the head—like a walking bar graph.

This (completely underpublished) project, entitled "Level," is from 1997, produced for the Personal Absurdities show at the Galerie Gebauer Berlin. Finding it now, in 2010, I can't help but read it as a design event, getting directly at the basic qualities that shape our interactions with others—what does it mean when we all share one height?

Hans Hemmert is part of the art collective Inges Idee. Check out their site for more amazing projects in public space.

AnOTHeR ExCuSe FoR NoT BLoGGiNG

If New York City was a dryer full of germs, my children would be the lint trap because THEY CATCH EVERYTHING. Currently they both have a great combo stomach flu/high fever thing that has kept them home EVEN THOUGH SPRING VACATION IS OVER.

Yes. They were home for Spring Break... AND THEY ARE STILL HOME.

Pray For Me People. The days are so long.

Handmade Spring Finds

Hip Hip Hooray
Put your puffy coats away!
Winter is done, Spring's finally here
Let's all give a great big cheer...
After this weekend full of eggs
It's finally time I shave my legs.

Here are some handmade goodies from Etsy, celebrating the fact that it's time to pull the old capris out of the box.

Meadow Treasures Sparrow Egg Nest $24.95 from HollyFerencze.


Flower pot metal wall sculpture $38.00 Frivolous Tendencies


Gardenia Poppy Flower Soap $5.00 by Sunbasilgarden


Julilet Earrings with vintage German cameos in crown settings $14.00 from Laralewis


Moss terrrarium $36.00 by Betty's Fantasy


April Showers 5 x 5 print $9.99 by Cindimh2

Happy Spring, Chickens!