LOVE! Valentines Day is just 3 days away, folks. Here are some of my picks for the 14th:
The Love Rat
EVERYONE likes flowers and jewelry, so you know the reaction you're gonna get. But what do you learn from it? Nothing at all. But give them something like a LOVE RAT, and you'll find out if they love you back in a split second. Just get down on one knee, say "Honey, I love you this much." And pull out a Love Rat. Watch her facial expressions. See if her mouth twitches. If she smiles and gives you a big hug, you'll know she loves you despite your awful taste in gifts. (If she vomits, that's usually a bad sign.) We know they're not your "normal" gift. But if she wanted a "normal" boyfriend, she'd be dating someone else. $6.50 at Stupid.com
I don't know about you but I'd feel kind of weird having these on the bed when the six year old crawls in beside you because of a bad dream. $19.95 at Amazon.
His and Hers Tongue Scrapers
I'm not really sure I want to know more about tongue fur. $4.99 at perpetualkid.com
Best Smelling Cologne (Next to Old Spice)
Help your man smell like Pee Wee Herman in a darkened movie theater! $19.99 at perpetualkid.com
A sweet treat without the calories of chocolate
I'd like to add fruit to this. Or maybe some bacon. $5.99 at perpetualkid.com
Or, what every woman needs:
Their own personal stalker -- he comes with a restraining order! $8.50 at Our Name Is Mud
Happy VD Day everybody!