Monday, March 31, 2008

ACTUAL conversation this weekend

An Honest-to-Gosh conversation, word for word, with Jesse and Annie yesterday:

ME: Do you guys know what that yellow bush is called?
JESSE: Daffodils
ANNIE: Potpourri
ME: Forsythia
ANNIE: Who's Sythia?
JESSE: Mom, when can we go to A capella?
ME: It's a flower; Forsythia
JESSE: No it's not-it's in Mexico.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

The Art in My Office- A Series


Many people assume that because I work in a creative field that I have taste outside of my mouth. They imagine me in a room painted in tasteful colors, surrounded by carefully selected objects d'art. What a disappointment it must be to find me in my little office; which is actually decorated with stuff like the unused High School Musical wrapping paper from Jesse's birthday and half eaten packages of rice cakes.

I had some difficulties posting this series. To begin with, my iphone camera lense is like a little electric bellybutton with a major lint problem. I don't know what I got in there: but it was certainly greasy with a hint of sand--so all of these photos will look a bit fuzzy; for that reason I strongly recommend drinking heavily before viewing.

Blogger also took about nine years to upload each image--so by the time you are reading this, I have moved to a corner office in a skyscraper somewhere and I have a glass topped desk and a painting of a naked spanish lady over my leather couch.

More Art in my Office- Cats by Denitza


This is an amazing painting given to me by Denitza, who is an incredibly talented artist with a great website at www.denitza-nyc.com

This is a painting of Lenny & Boots. Boots is the pretty one with the green eyes. They were our studio cats at my old studio which was infested with mice. Boots fell in love with Dan--a sit on your lap mew to be petted constantly kind of love--and he took her home to live with him when we moved to our new space.

Lenny stayed with me, although we really should seek some kind of counseling. Somedays I don't know if he truly loves me or if I am just his catnip dealer. Lately in the middle of a phone conference with My Boss he will sneak onto the table behind me and jump onto my back and shoulders-causing me to drop the phone and swear loudly. My Boss thinks I have Tourettes.

More Art in my Office- Jesse


Here is a recent painting by my (newly turned) 7 year old. I don't know if the incredible detail will show up on this blog: I am waiting for them to invent the iphone with FLASH. Please get right on that, people at apple.

Anyway- we feel there is a good possibility that Jesse will grow up to do something artistic. It's not just the paintings and sculptures he makes...it's that he continues to pursue a line of questioning that often starts with "Mommy, what would happen if I decided that what I wanted to be when I grew up was someone who didn't work?"

More Art in my Office- Denitza's Trees


I do have a window in my office with a lovely view of a brick wall. Denitza gave me this painting as a gift, and when I look at it I can almost feel myself in a lush black and white forest.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

The Art In My Office-Last in the Series


This is a portrait done by a former employee named Stephan--who was creative and imaginative and very artistic but was also unfortunately a bit of dyslexic-which tripped him up when he had to do the final proof of our catalog and well...SORRY WE FIRED YOU STEPHAN BUT I STILL LOVE THE PAINTING.

That would be me in the center with flowing locks of hair, and in a stunning kiss-ass move, Stephan has me looking about 25 pounds thinner than I am in real life. Around me are: Judith (works across the street now) Connie (Moved to Florida but still drunk emails me) Andrea (we don't speak) Nasan (Somewhere in the Midwest now-much missed) Dan (Still here. Yep still here. No really-it's been like 11 years and he is still here.) and Denitza (still my girl.) I have always been lucky to be surrounded by the greatest people.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

The Plague Comes To VeaseyTown

I read once that nothing fights a nasty virus like a DIET HIGH IN FAT. I embraced that doctrine wholeheartedly (pondering it over a half gallon of Ben & Jerry's) -because type two diabetes and heart attacks aside--I will do anything to avoid a flu bug. However-this particular germ that has been stalking us and has kept my children out of school for two weeks and ruined a perfectly good plan to play hookey at Disneyland--caught up with me yesterday morning and knocked me on my keister just in time to ruin Easter.

The thing about being a Mom and being sick is that there is NOWHERE TO RUN TO, BABY...NOWHERE TO HIDE. If you lay on your bed, curled in a fetal position, a child will find you and ask to cuddle. If you try to escape to the bathroom they will stand outside the door pleading an emergency of their own. So while Kip did his best to run interference for me, I escaped to the one place I thought they might not look for me: in their own room. I fell fast asleep in Annie's toddler bed, my body bent at an impossible angle. Only to be awakened moments later by Jesse, who stood beside me and repetitively thrust the ear thermometer in my ear, checking me for fever, grinding it INTO MY BRAIN, asking "is 104 bad or good Mom?"

Later, I sat beside Annie on the couch watching the thirteenth episode of Sponge Bob and sharing a box of tissues with her. She is still unwell herself, and at one point sneezed loudly. Her exact words were: "Merciful Heavens, this cold has got to end." If I were not so doped up on sudafed, I might ask her where she picked the whole "Merciful Heavens" thing up.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

And we'rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre Back: and just in time to help Tibet

We are back. I am doing my best to eradicate several memories associated with this particular vacation--such as hotel waste baskets full of child vomit and 4 am fever wake up calls, but I am unsure as to wether or not ENOUGH WINE EXISTS IN THIS WORLD. So we shall talk no more of it--and if I win the award for Worst Vacation Ever it better not be a trip to Disneyland. Shout out to my girl Christine for sitting in for me as Guest Blogger so that I could continue my slow climb up the Google search engines, as well as keep all 3 of my readers entertained in my absence...although it's really 2 readers since Christine is reader number 3, so I am not sure if she counts.

I do my best to be the COOL WHIP of blogs. And you know if you eat a bowl of it--often served as dinner at Chez Veasey--that while sweet, cool and uber whipped; it is all air and NO SUBSTANCE. So I avoid typing the words Obama and Empty Rhetoric in the same sentence, or crafting a discourse on this Stupid War, or even weighing in on Global Warming except to occassionally mention that Al Gore has just gotten so much better looking with age. I mean, I know everyone is all like George Clooney is The Man-but for me it's All Al. That would be the sound of my ice caps melting.

My friend Sophie is verrrrry smart and verrrry English and sometimes she is both together--like when she wears "wellies with heels." She emailed the following about what's happening in another neck of the woods (not ours)

Dear friends,

After decades of suffering, the Tibetan people have burst onto the streets in protests and riots. The spotlight of the upcoming Olympic Games is now on China, and Tibetan Nobel peace prize winner the Dalai Lama is calling to end all violence through restraint and dialogue--he urgently needs the world's people to support him.

China's leaders are lashing out publicly at the Dalai Lama--but we're told many Chinese officials believe dialogue is the best hope for stability in Tibet. China's leadership is right now considering a crucial choice between crackdown and dialogue that could determine Tibet's--and China's--future.

We can affect this historic choice--China does care about its international reputation, and we can help them choose the right path. China's President Hu Jintao needs to hear that the 'Made in China' brand and the upcoming Olympics in Beijing will succeed only if he makes the right choice. But it will take an avalanche of global people power to get his attention. Click below now to join 250,000 others and sign the petition--and tell absolutely everyone you can right away--our goal is 1 million voices united for Tibet:

http://www.avaaz.org/en/tibet_end_the_violence/20.php

China's economy is dependent on "Made in China" exports that we all buy, and the government is keen to make the Olympics in Beijing this summer a celebration of a new and respected China. China is also a sprawling, diverse country with much brutality in its past. And it has good reasons to be concerned about stability -- some of Tibet's rioters killed innocent people. But President Hu must recognize that the greatest danger to Chinese stability and development today comes from hardliners who advocate escalating repression, not from those Tibetans seeking dialogue and reform.

We will deliver our petition directly to Chinese officials in New York, London and Beijing, but it must be a massive number before we deliver the petition. Please forward this email to your address book with a note explaining to your friends why this is important, or use our tell-a-friend tool to email your address book--it will come up after you sign.

The Tibetan people have suffered quietly for decades. It is finally their moment to speak--we must help them be heard.

With hope and respect,

Ricken, Iain, Graziela, Paul, Galit, Pascal, Milena, Ben and the whole Avaaz team

Here are some links with more information on the Tibetan protests and the Chinese response:

Crackdown in Tibet, but protests spreading:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/mar/19/tibet.china
http://www.theage.com.au/news/world/crackdown-on-protests-widens/2008/03/17/1205602289349.html

Dalai Lama calling for dialogue and restraint, and an end to violence:
http://www.dalailama.com/news.216.htm
http://www.agi.it/world/news/200803191258-pol-ren0032-art.html

Leaders across Europe and Asia starting to back dialogue as the way forward:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/7300157.stm

Chinese Prime Minister attacks "Dalai clique", leaves door open for talks:
http://news.xinhuanet.com/english/2008-03/18/content_7813194.htm

Other Chinese signals:
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/China_looks_at_India_to_talk_to_Dalai_Lama/articleshow/2875142.cms
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ABOUT AVAAZ
Avaaz.org is an independent, not-for-profit global campaigning organization that works to ensure that the views and values of the world's people inform global decision-making. (Avaaz means "voice" in many languages.) Avaaz receives no money from governments or corporations, and is staffed by a global team based in London, Rio de Janeiro, New York, Paris, Washington DC, and Geneva.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Christine's Last & Final Guest Blog

Today is St. Patrick’s Day. Considering I am half Irish (the good half!) I usually celebrate the occasion. I am also half German. This can be a lethal concoction when someone makes me VERY angry. “You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry”.. get it? The Hulk? (ooh! and he is green, how perfect!) LOL!

Anyway…unfortunately for me, in the words of our Lovely Lorrie, LIFE SUCKS EGGS! (sometimes), therefore I wasn’t doing any celebrating today. But that is okay, there is a GOOD reason.

Today was the day from 7734 (I know, I can act SO grade skool!). For those of you who aren’t familiar with 7734, get a calculator, type it in, and turn it upside down! LOL. I thought I would use the numerical version of the word so I wouldn’t get myself in trouble and be banned from possibly being a guest blogger in the future if the privilege ever arises again (ahem, hint….hint! *giggle*).

Today SUCKS because I am about to lose my mother to cancer. She has lung cancer and we believe her time has come. When I went to see her, my mother as I know her, wasn’t there. It was truly heartbreaking. She is on oxygen now, and is being made comfortable. My father is just beside himself. We all are. She is a fighter though. Now I know where I get it from. She will continue to fight too. It is unbelievable.

There is strength to be found in situations like this. Strength that you never knew you had. Although this is a very sad time, it is also one of awakening. Yeah, I have my occasional meltdown. And I tell myself that it is OKAY to feel. So today, after said meltdown, I told myself “okay, pick your butt UP, stand TALL, and move forward….and go indulge in some peanut butter and chocolate.” And that I did. Gertie hooked me up LOVELY! Let’s give a shout out to Gertie!

The Queen of Clay will be returning tomorrow! Yaaaaaaaayyy!! So this is Christine, signing off!

Happy St. Patrick’s Day! I hope everyone indulged themselves in some green beer(s). If you have any left, have one (or MANY) for me!
May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back,
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
The rains fall soft upon your fields,
And until we meet again,
May God hold you
In the palm of his hand

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Guest Blog #4


Meet the REAL Squirtle!

Hello Mud fans! Yes, Christine is back with her 4th guest blog! I now think that this is becoming an obsession! I love it!

Today I thought I would introduce everyone to the REAL life Squirtle. For those of you who don’t know who the cartoon Squirtle is, he is a turtle who is part of the Pokemon team. I admit, I do not watch Pokemon. I became familiar with Squirtle while watching a Robot Chicken skit on Adult Swim. I never laughed so hard in my life. I almost wet my pants!

For me, Squirtle is not a cartoon nor a turtle. But he is VERY real and a godsend! Squirtle is my spray bottle that has THE only control over Creamy. Creamy hates him, but that is the idea! Sometimes all Squirtle has to do to control Creamy is give a good shake. There are times, however, when it is absolutely necessary for Squirtle to start spewing water all over the place. This does have its drawbacks.

For example, when Creamy is wet, EVERYTHING gets wet. It gets even better when, after battling it out with Squirtle, Creamy decides to roll around in the litter box and then lie on my bed. I SWEAR he plots these evil shenanigans!

Squirtle has been my best friend this morning. This cat is completely out of control today. Perhaps I can slap him up on eBay and throw in Squirtle for free! LOL! Naaaaaah, I love him! He is a Creamy kitten, there are many like him but this one is MINE!

It is obvious that Creamy did NOT drink decatf this morning!

Guest Blog #3


I Want To Be a Cat

Bonjour! Tis me Christine again! Can you tell I am just having the time of my life writing blogs? I think I am going to start my own! What fun! I didn’t realize how much I like to ramble!

I looked at my cat this evening, who is the CUTEST cat in the world in my eyes because I am his mommy, and I thought to myself…man, I want to be a cat! Here are the 10 reasons why I want to be a cat:

You are loved every single moment of every single day!
Someone feeds you. You don’t have to cook, EVER.
You don’t have to clean, do laundry, go grocery shopping, or pay bills.
You can sleep ALLLLL day, anywhere in the house convenient or not, and not get moved because you are just “too cute”.
You are loved every single moment of every single day!
Massages are available, anytime of the day, at your request.
You are given every type of treat made (known here as “num-nums”) no matter HOW you behave.
You still get something to eat when it is dinner time for your parents.
Someone cleans your “bathroom” every single day, throughout the day.
Oh yeah, did I mention you are loved every single moment of every single day?

As you can see my cat Creamy is completely worn out. This is from being B-A-D! He is constantly doing something bad when he isn’t sleeping. But he is just AWESOME! I LOVE him! However, I must admit that I REALLY like it when he sleeps because this means he is not eating my silk plants, opening the refrigerator, chewing on the remote controls, clawing at the glass on my entertainment center, chewing the strings on my guitars, running away with my writing utensils in his mouth, chewing on my text books, knocking everything off my nightstand, chewing on my toes while I am trying to sleep, chewing my laptop or mouse cord, chewing on my shoes, or hacking up hairballs a foot long. I know there is other bad stuff, but this is all I can think up at the immediate moment. Let’s just say I love it when my cat drinks decatf (lol)!

Yeah…I want to be a cat.

Guest Blog #2


Question: What goes GREAT with a cup of Smarty Pants coffee on a Saturday night at 10:00 pm?

Answer: That’s right… satellite radio! Yeah baby! Groovy!

Hello everyone! It’s me again..Christine! This is my second blog for the Queen of Craft, Lorrie. Boy do I have some very prestigious shoes to fill! Whew!

It is Saturday night and I decided that after doing 12 loads of laundry today (equaling 24 laps up and down 2 flights of stairs and a driveway – ye gads!) I deserved to have some fun. Perhaps I worked off some of that peanut butter. So I grabbed my other favorite and treasured mug, my satellite radio, some good java, and my kitties, and kicked back to enjoy some tune-age. Funny story about the radio…

The satellite radio was given to me as a gift, along with the car and home installation kits. When I first opened it, I was totally psyched! Imagine me… having satellite radio when the stereo in my living room still has to be manually tuned (in other words, no push buttons to adjust the stations). For a geek like me, that is just sooooo sad!

I ripped open the radio boxes with uncontrollable excitement and there were the installation manuals AND user guides. Great, something I had to read AND study. Computer geek? Yes. Stereo aficionado, um NO. But hey, no problem, I am an A+ student in school, so if I can write business and marketing plans, do statistical analyses, and all other M.B.A. stuff, I can hook up a satellite radio! Piece of cake! How hard can it be? (ummmmm, yeeeaaahh).

My first feat would be the car kit. I studied the manual all night on a Sunday night, and printed out all of the guides from the website. I made a step by step plan, and on Monday morning I was ready to go after downing 5 cups of coffee (I had a feeling it was going to be a LONG day). The first step was to install the antenna on top of the roof of the car. Being 5’1, and having the shakes from having OD’d on coffee, this posed a challenge. So I went on my porch and grabbed one of those flimsy white plastic patio chairs to stand to reach the roof (“smart” eh?). I thought to myself, “I used to be a ballerina, I can balance on this, no problem.” My little Italian neighbor, Mr. Thomasetti, walked over to check out what I was doing (besides rocking back and forth on the chair). Our conversation went as follows:

Mr. T: Whatta you doin Christina? You falla down and break somethinga!

Me: I’m okay! I’m just installing this antenna for my satellite radio.

Mr. T: Heh? Whatta radio?

Me: Satellite radio.

Mr. T: I hava no idea whatta you do Christina, justa be careful. You no fall!

Me: Okie dokie!

He then walks away shaking his head. Too funny!

The good new is that I didn’t fall AND I did get the radio installed in both my car and my home. I RULE! LOL! I was so proud of myself. Now I tell everyone to get one and I will install it for them! Heh heh heh!

I guess the Smarty Pants mug does, in fact, apply afterall!

Guest Blog #1


Chunky Dunking

(Picture coming)

Greetings everyone! My name is Christine and I will be a guest blogger for Lorrie while she and her family are away playing with Mickey and friends! Before I start to ramble, I want to convey just how privileged I feel to be a guest blogger for Lorrie and Our Name is Mud! Given a choice, I would rather blog for Lorrie than meet Johnny Depp! (Yes, that is the truth. Give me a lie detector test and I’ll prove it!). So, without further adieu, here is my first guest blog for Goddess Veasey, and of course it has to do with my arch enemy, food….with today’s topic being breakfast.

Cracked, 100% whole wheat bread, toasted: GOOOOOD!

Coffee in a Genius mug made by the Princess of Pottery: EXCEEEELLLENT!

Tons of Peanut Butter: BAAAAAAAD!

Yes, this is supposed to be my version of a healthy breakfast! Coffee with Equal and fat free Half & Half (because we have to save those calories!). The mug of course makes my coffee taste a million times better! And then there is the EVIL of all evil, peanut butter. Although I usually go chunky dunking, a.k.a. chunky peanut butter, I was in such a hurry in the store yesterday that I grabbed creamy instead. When I noticed it when I got home, I said to myself “well, at least I will save a few calories without the peanuts”… yeah, right!

According to the jar of peanut butter, a measly 2 tbsp. of this creamy temptation equates to 190 calories and 17g fat. While I am happy with the carbs (6g), and protein (7g), the rest just makes me shutter! Ugh!

I have absolutely no idea how much peanut butter I put on my toast this morning. I just took the knife and dug deep into the world of creaminess and slathered it on nice and thick. Yum! And I sit here and wonder why my elastic waist lines seem to expand gradually!

Could I live without peanut butter? Probably. Do I want to? No way! The problem is that I have absolutely NO self control with it, especially when it is wrapped in chocolate. And don’t even get me started on that! I think a majority of Reese’s and Gertrude Hawk profits come from my pocket! Oh those wretched little peanut butter smidgens!!

But lets face reality here people…

Tons of peanut butter: GOOOOOOD!!
Lorrie – if you happen to see Peter Pan flying around Disney anywhere, give him my warmest regards!!

Thursday, March 13, 2008

AND We'rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre Offffffffffff

We head for the Sunshine State today. Kip wants me to mention that we're leaving the usual methods of protection in place at Chez Veasey: two headed dogs, nests of cobras, huge boulders that chase you down hallways-you get the picture.

That well researched Itinerary I swore I would create is now a few scrawled notes on the back of an envelope. Expectations for careful and concise packing went up in smoke as I ran through the apartment at 1 a.m. this morning on a QUEST FOR FLIP FLOPS. And don't even ask about the carry ons--I'm throwing a pack of cheetos and a PEOPLE magazine in the kid's backpack and we're hitting the road.

Neither child of mine is completely well and things have piled up at work BUT COME HELL OR HIGH WATER WE WILL HAVE FUN. Pray for Us.

In my absence, I am going to have GUEST BLOGGERS! Hopefully all 3 of my readers will make a posting! If you would like to be included as a guest blogger-simply send the blog to me at LVMud@aol.com If you'd like to include a picture, please send it in a separate email.

I asked Christine-President of the Our Name Is Blog fanclub-- to do this-and in the 2 years I have been writing this blog this is the first time I have ever gotten such a response to a request to guest post:


OMG!! YES! YES! YES!!! I would LOVE to! I am completely at your beck and call! My schedule is wide open! J

This is just such an honor! This is WAY better than meeting the Queen of England!! WOW!! I am at a total loss for words!

Christine J


I have never met Christine but something makes me sure I would like her. WATCH AND LEARN PEOPLE.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Flemville

Flemville: just to the left of fluville. Life here pretty much sucks eggs. Our entire living room is one giant aerobed. Used tissues, emergency throw up receptacles, and stiff washcloths litter the rug. Spongebob is on 24 hour watch-and a cherry popsicle is what's for dinner tonight.

One of these days I may have to do HARD TIME for truency. In New York City, a child is allowed to miss 18 days of school before they THROW THE PARENTS IN PRISON. Jesse missed 27 days of Pre-K due to my "IT DOESN'T MATTER-IT'S JUST PRE-K" mentality which so easily translated into "IT DOESN'T MATTER IT'S JUST KINDERGARTEN" and has grown to become "IT DOESN'T MATTER--IT'S JUST SCHOOL!!" (Note to Aron: the views expressed here are not necessarily the views of the PTA. The PTA and its members accept no responsibility for the statements made here in this blog nor shall such statements reflect upon the views and opinions held by members of the PTA...The board members of the PTA are fine upstanding citizens who can do no wrong and will never appear in an expose in the NY Times...OKAY ALREADY?)

So here is what happens... We schedule an "unauthorized family vacation" because Kip and I firmly believe that a trip to Disneyland is EDUCATIONAL and therefore worthwhile. We believe in exposing our children to History! Fairies! Rampant Capitalism! Riding the Roaring Rapids is a LIFE EXPERIENCE that you can't get from a book. A tour of Epcot is better than any social studies class. Tink is our greatest teacher.

I don't know what higher power this upsets; most likely one that listens to NPR and only lets their kids eat organic food. But each time we have done this: hording and saving our absences throughout the year ("you'll go in, say 'here', throw up in the waste basket and we're good...") karma has bitten us in the butt with a MAJOR ILLNESS prior to the scheduled trip. Last year it was coxacie (damn the spelling) that kept Jesse out for SIX DAYS before our 4 day getaway to the Contemporary Hotel. THAT WAS SEPTEMBER. I'm lucky I didn't end up in an orange jumpsuit. Now Jesse has gotten the flu that we swore we were going to get the shot for but never quite got around to getting--and as his fever rages 102, 103 and birthday parties get cancelled and absences acrue, I shake my fist at the skies and say "COME HELL OR HIGHWATER WE WILL BE RIDING THE PETER PAN RIDE SATURDAY MORNING NO MATTER WHAT."

Monday, March 10, 2008

Spring Ahead

Dear Powers That Be,

I am writing to officially protest against DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME. If this letter is not 100% coherent it is because I AM TIRED. I knew when I woke up at 6 am this morning that it was REALLY 5 AM. And it was dark. I mean pitch black. So my question to you is: where is the daylight I am supposed to be saving? Because personally: I SLEEP AT NIGHT SO I DON'T GIVE A HOOT ABOUT AN EXTRA HOUR IN THE EVENING. And have you ever tried to put children to sleep while it is light outside?

Sure, sure, I LOVE it when it's October and I am putting the kids to bed at 8 (knowing it is really 9) and sleeping until what I know is seven o'clock even if the clock reads six. So I propose we go THAT way-twice a year. Works for me. Daylight is way over-rated anyway. That's why tanning salons were invented.

Respectfully,
Tired Mom.

Dear Tired Mom-

We would respond to your Email, but we are currently really busy with the Governor of your fine state. He didn't have a great day today, either. We have forwarded your complaint to a Higher Power.

Kindest Regards,
Powers That Be


Dear Higher Power,

Ok-now I am seriously pissed. We were late for school, I had a crappy day at work, and neither of my children wanted dinner at 6 pm BECAUSE THEIR BODIES KNEW IT WAS ONLY FIVE. Everything is totally discombobulated and I don't do well with change. Let me make myself totally clear: THIS SUCKS. Nothing could be worse than this day!

Please respond asap.
Really Freeking Tired Mom


Dear RFTMom,

I have been busy with the whole Governor of New York thing, but did want to stop for a moment and respond to your Email. The stomach flu we sent your child's way is of the 24 hour variety, the repetitive vomiting usually ceases after the seventh hour. Of course, given the time change--it will feel like eight.

All the Best,
HP

Friday, March 07, 2008

Thursday, March 06, 2008

I've Got Friends in Low Places


Behold David Kramer.

You may know him as a WORLD FAMOUS ARTIST. We like to think of him as THE GUY WHO GOT LUCKY ENOUGH TO MARRY SUSAN MITCHELL (Who by the way...is in the Whitney Bi-Annual tomorrow night! Imagine that! Little Susie Mitchell at the WHITNEY! Ummm...what was I writing about again? O yeah...David.)

Behold David Kramer yet again. We also know him as THE GUY WE GET DRUNK WITH QUITE A LOT.

You can get to know him too!! David will be featured on tonight's episode of THE APPRENTICE (That's Celebrity Apprentice!) tonight at 9:00 EST. A team of celebrities will attempt to sell a gallery full of his fabulous artwork. This should have been as easy as selling crack to some of David's former friends--but alas, his team included that dreadful Omarosa--so if this turns out to be THE WORST SLAUGHTER IN THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF THE APPRENTICE I am just saying it is no fault of the artist--whose work is really great. So when the show is over, if you have a few grand laying around, I think you should buy a painting, or two. Daddy needs a new six pack.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Telling The Tooth


I have given birth to two children. Childbirth was PLEASURABLE compared to what I have endured in terms of having two teeth crowned. This is my dentist. I like to call him The King of Pain. He is a sneaky little bugger. Just this morning, during yet another two hour appointment that involved doing horrible things to my gums and sticking plastic goop filled molds into my mouth, he managed to surprise me mid sentence by sticking what appeared to be a caulk gun into my mouth and getting an impression of how my teeth clicked together while avoiding the complaining and fretting over the procedure which would have occurred if he had said: "Now open your mouth so I can stick this caulk gun into it."

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Poor Deprived Children


In New York, sledding has always meant that we bundle up, hop onto an expensive piece of plastic and Mom and Dad PULL YOU AROUND AN EMPTY PARKING LOT. Yipee! This has been Jesse's version of Winter Sports for the past SEVEN YEARS.

This weekend we found ourselves IN THE COUNTRY (wayyyyyyyyyy out in the sticks in a little place on the map called Connecticutt.) And in the Great Wilderness that is Hartford-we found these things called HILLS. Apparently they are like these things called Mountains, only smaller--about the size of a Korean Deli actually, if it is a landmark building and the city has not let someone build thirteen stories on top of it... But I digress.

We put the children into snowsuits that were two sizes too small for them ( very short clothing season here in The cit-ay--you can buy snowsuits in September and in two weeks the selection at stores has gone to cruisewear and usually i count on my Sister in Law, Sigy, to send me her boy's cast offs but once they crossed age 9 she has let them run around in windbreakers all year long BUT I DIGRESS AGAIN). We covered the four inches of skin visible over the tops of Jesse's boots with a pair of Kip's socks and we were off!

Here is the DOWN SIDE to sledding in the country on these things called Hills. Someone has to carry that sled BACK UP THE HILL. Thankfully, God invented Fathers for that purpose.