EmPTy WiNe BoTTLeS

Happy Tuesday Chickens! If you are like me, this past weekend was spent getting drunk enjoying a libation or two- and chances are you may have a few empty bottles rolling around in the old recycle can. Well now, you can do amazing things with those empties!! Take a gander:

Wine bottle wind chimes $25.00 by C2 Design. Nothing I like better than the tinkle tinkle of wind through some windchimes..well except for the sound of another bottle being opened.


Wine Bottle Neck Necklace $15.00 also from C2 Design. This is pretty. I wonder if it is available scented.


Hummingbird Feeder (for some VERY HAPPY BIRDS) $29.95 at Sterling Wine. You provide the empty bottle. I personally could create a veritable hummingbird sanctuary. If I had a backyard. I wonder if this would work for pigeons?



Wine bottle lantern $45.95 also from Sterling Wine. A beautiful light to hold high in the air as you stumble through the dark alleys on your way home.


If you want to stay home and get your drink on, Pottery Barn has these great wine bottle chandeliers. I think the workers in China were very happy to gather the materials needed for this one.

There are many other great uses for your empties. Look: My Plants are having a Party!


And rolling pins will soon be used only to punish unfaithful husbands with--because who needs 'em when you have an empty bottle of Pinot Grigio nearby?


The possibilities are endless! So reduce, reuse, recycle people. And remember: a bottle of wine is a terrible thing to waste!

I See STaRS

Do you remember the episode of The Brady Bunch where Greg has to make a movie of the landing at Plymouth Rock for a school project, and there's a big fuss because Marcia and Jan both want to be the same role and Peter keeps sprinkling cornflakes painted white to look like snow and Mike and Carol and Alice all want to make changes to the script and....

Well the SAME THING happened at ChezVeasey recently, when CBoy was given the task of rewriting a classic fairy tale. EXcept I didn't have an Alice to clean up and fix dinner afterwards *sigh* so much to do, so few people to do it for me.

Without further ado--here is Cboy's first foray into film. LITTLE RED FIGHTING HOOD. I probably would not watch this at work with the volume up.

FRee STuFF.....for me

This whole "slacking on the blog" thing has really been paying off this month, Chickens.  Last week it was that 256 page spiritual tome, and today it is a package that appears to have arrived in JANUARY and languished in the Mud Mailroom! I have a fab reader named SALLY who sends me wonderful letters and tons of goodies and she sent me a box of cat toys for Lenny & Elsie from the Etsy shop K. Grant Designs! 

How adorable are these?  And accurate!  They predicted that Elsie would sleep all day and that Lenny would scratch up my couch.  How did they know???  And look at these:

These are MEWberries!! Too sweet!  The fab Sally also sent me these kitty canolis:

Leave the gun, take the cannoli--K Grant say sthese are a nip filled whack to the head.

So it is the Mother Load of catnip for Lenny & Elsie tonight.  What usually happens is that they both get into it, and then they get really, really hungry and they laugh at everything,  and then they fall asleep.  

Well, not really Elsie.  She is 21 years old.  That makes her the Miss Jane Pittman of cats.  She is completely deaf, and completely blind, and likes to spend her nights walking across my pillow, meowing into my ear that she would like treats.  

Thank you so much Sally (and Frederick, Jennings Peter, Antoine, Lamont, Montel and Stanmusical!)  and KGrant designs! 

All you other readers out there: my birthstone is a saphire.  Just sayin.

Tell me in comments what your cat's name is.  And if you don't have a cat...WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?  I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE ALLERGIC, THAT'S WHY GOD INVENTED BENEDRYL.

My DoG aTe iT

Those of you who read this blog on a regular basis (Hi Nonnee!  Hi Dad!) know that I occasionally run a feature called: One Sentence Book Reviews, in which I do annoying things like critique the jacket art or give away the ending. Because Irreverent is How I Roll.

ANYHOO...apparently the big Search Engine in the Sky does not actually read what I write, because a publisher contacted me and asked me to officially review a new book in exchange for...wait for it... A FREE BOOK.  And since I will pretty much do anything for free stuff, I said YES!  YES! YES! Send me that book now and let me get cracking!!  And then the book arrived.

Let me say from the get go that I am not a stranger to the self help section of Barnes and Noble.  In fact, I believe I spent 1987-1989 dabbling in self actualization and finding the me that I love.  I have read I'm O.K., You're O.K. and even though I didn't understand 3/4 of it...I knew that I was O.K.

So here's the thing about this book: SPIRITUAL PARTNERSHIP The Journey To Authentic Power by Gary Zukav....it's kind of hard.  Like, here's a random paragraph:

Commitment to creating authentic power is the prerequisite for a spiritual partnership.  The benefit of a spiritual partnership is creating authentic power.  The two come together.  Authentic power and spiritual partnerships are different facets of the same jewel.  When the jewel (multisensory perception) came into being so did its facets.

And then my head exploded.  Because where are the heaving bossoms or the vampires?

But because I had accepted this FREE BOOK and also because the book publisher began to email me daily about the fact that I was AN ACTUAL STOP ON THE BLOGGED BOOK TOUR I felt like I absolutely must read the thing cover to cover.  Which I did, finishing 5 minutes ago, officially one day late.

And I can tell you that I learned this from reading this book:  I don't want to grow up and become a Book Reviewer.  That Would Be A Hard Job.

So here is my one sentence review: The author writes "the world now pivots on a point and that point is in you" but to be frank, I am really working very hard to teach both my children that the world does NOT in fact, pivot around them...and they should put their dirty clothes in the hamper. If I want to give my children a real lesson in authentic power in relationships, I'll pack an extra ring ding in their lunch box.

SO....enter below to win a FREE COPY of Gary Zukav (author of The Seat of The Soul) new book.  Winner chosen at random on Tuesday, May 18.  The copy I will send you looks brand new.....

UPDATE:  May I also recommend this fabulous self help book from a favorite fellow blogger?

MoTHeR oF aLL MoTHeR'S DaYS!

I had the most fantabulous Mother's Day!  I was brought breakfast in bed, presented with a lovely bouquet of flowers, and showered with cards and gifts!!  Here is CBoy's card:

  I wonder if there was a moment when he was going through M words like magnificent, marvolous, magical, and had an "aha!" moment when he came to MATURE.    I really like that he has incorporated me.  Perhaps that means a tax break?  

Here is my card from The Banana:

Banana loves me MORE THAN LIGHT... but it is not possible that she could love me more than I love her!!! She is my very best "Secret Edmierer."  

Happy Belated Mother's Day to all you moms out there!! I hope your special day was as great as mine was.  

GiVeaWaYs GaLoRe

Happy Thursday Chickens-
If you know anybody who lives in NEW YORK CITY or the surrounding regions, you'll want to be in touch with them this week and let them know about an event that's happening on Saturday, May 8th--because you can win $500 worth of prizes just by spreading the good news.

Join over 100 local artists and craftspeople as they gather to celebrate the very best of handmade goodness. Partial proceeds from this event benefit a great public school, and there's a bake sale, so for gosh sakes-help spread the word.  If you do: look at some of the stuff you can win:

Look at these gorgeous candlesticks from Romi Ceramics!

Or how about this beautiful topaz necklace from Loella Medina?

How about this stunning pillow from Elements For Inspired Living? 

These items and SO MUCH MORE are available to win all week long right HERE .  Giveaway packages that total over $500 smackers will be offered all week long and all you have to do to enter is tweet or blog or send out a facebook invite--in other words, go tell it on a mountain people.  So head on over to The New New   and enter a different contest every day through Friday (tomorrow) to win really Great Stuff.  

oNe SeNTeNCe BooK ReVieWS

It's that time again, folks.  Break out the wine and let's start the book club.  Here are my one sentence book reviews for April:

UNDER THE DOME By Stephen KIng
Reading this I was thinking "It's no longer true that since Steve went walking alongside that road in Maine and got smoked by a truck that he can't write a decent book"  because it took me right back to the good old days of THE STAND; a classic end-of-the-world-good-vs.-evil long story except in this book people have cell phones.

SHANGHAI GIRLS By Lisa See
A great book about two sisters who leave Shanghai in 1937 and come to Los Angeles in arranged marriages-- begins with a POW! WHAM! ZAP! but ends with what should have been a page that says TO BE CONTINUED......

THE GIRL WHO FELL FROM THE SKY By Heidi Durrow
I absolutely loved PRECIOUS and I thought this book would be somewhat similar: girl succeeds despite all adversity but sadly she does not so it was like PRECIOUS  except it had absolutely none of the uplifting stuff and for gosh sakes I hope that's the last book I read for awhile in which everybody I love dies.  (You're Welcome.)


I would have read more, but the Stephen King novel weighed 50 lbs. itself.

What are you reading?

A NeW TRaiL

Those of you who read this blog fairly regularly (Hi Dad) know that awhile back I started, and abandoned, a new ETSY blog that featured great handmade goodies, called The Trail of Hearts.  I wrote about six posts on it and then abandoned ship. Lord knows just keeping this little blog chugging along is trouble enough.

Speaking of which-can I just mention that last night Sexyhusbandomine was reading through my posts and turned to me and said "If you write about our children being sick one more time I will probably UNfollow you."  And I was all like: "Ok Mr. Funnypants, why don't you do something that merits a paragraph of about 700 words." And he was all, like "You Never Cook!" And I was all like "And you snore!" And then we threw dishes at each other and later made up with wild passionate sex.  (Absolutely not true, Dad.  I made that last part up.)

Anyhoo, a fabulous reader with a fabulous blog of her own Hi! I'm Amy!  stepped in and rescued the blog!  But she didn't just rescue it- she did an extreme makeover on it and now it is A M A Z I N G.  It has buttons and gizmos and her head photoshopped on a skinny body, just to mention a few things.  What it needs is More Followers.  Because little Amy is gonna grow that thing and before you know it, she'll have a book deal and will be selling ad space, and I'll still be trying to come up with 700 words and be funny without having to resort to fart jokes.  So please visit the brand spankin new, totally revamped TRAIL OF HEARTS and give some love to my girl Amy.  Pack a lunch and hit it, but watch out for bears.

DRaW YouR MoTHeR

I am a big fan of kid's art-- and find it to be better than my own so expressive, truthful, lively and compelling.  As we near the day I hopefully will get to spend in bed eating bon bons MOTHER'S DAY, many children are creating portraits like these...

Here, a happy mom is seen wearing a "Best Mom" brooch.

As you can see, Mom is pretty and happy in most pictures.  Like this one, which  proves that even if Mom applies makeup like Tammy Faye Baker, she's still a beauty in the eyes of her child.

Some kids like to paint a happy picture of themselves WITH their Mom:

others like to immortalize the words of  wisdom imparted by their mom in a visual statement -- an homage to the Tao of Mom

Others are very emphatic about the status that they feel their mom holds in the world...

I am not going to enter a Mother of the Year competition against that one anytime soon. 

And then there is My Daughter, Banana.  Who recently created this portrait of her mom...

and made sure my glass was half full.  Luckily, my eyes are still open and I haven't passed out face down in my dinner..... yet.  

BuGGiN YeT AGaiN

Not much is going on in Veaseyville, Chickens.  Every errant germ and stray bug continues to make it's way to our home and use The Spawn as its host.  Every morning I go to wake The Banana and find her sleeping in the center of a circle of crumpled tissues.  Yesterday she had TWO throat cultures-- just to be abo-looot-ly sure she did not have The Strep.

I hate throat cultures.  I think modern science should have come far enough by now that doctors should be able to conduct that test by having us spit into a cup.  I'm thinking someone should start a telethon for this purpose.

The Banana is also not a big fan of sticks being stuck in places where they should not be allowed.  When she was tested for Swine Flu, they stuck what resembled a thinner version of  Harry Potter's wand up her nostril in what appeared to be  an attempt to swab the front portion of her brain, and she kicked the doctor right in the hooey.  That's. My.  Girl.

So we discussed ways she could avoid doing bodily injury to the doctor who administered the dreaded throat swab, and I suggested SINGING. I taught her the Kiss classic "Lick It Up" specifically for this purpose.  She decided not to use this technique.

Regardless--She was a ROCK STAR.  She sat calmly, cross legged on the examining table with her mouth wide open and let them shove that stick down her throat and wipe all around her tonsils.

AND THEN SHE BURPED.

Right into the face of the surprised doctor.  And not a little dainty- o- i -drank-my-gingerale-too-fast- burp.  A big, loud, long, roiling, odiferous, grumbly rumbly burp.

Again: That's. My.  Girl.

ReFRiDGeRaToR BoXeS

I used to think the Spawn were quite creative every time they built a tent out of the covers from their bed or made a train out of an appliance box.  Then I saw these pictures of what other children built using common household items...


Photos By Tim MacPherson

100 BoTTLeS oF WiNe On ThE WaLL

Everyone knows you can't judge a wine by it's bottle! But we can try- can't we?



Just as every wine may effect each palette differently, the Rorschach inkblot test’s meaning is different to each viewer. With this bottle design, Inkwell Wine asks, “what do you see?” Wine: so much cheaper than therapy.



The crew from /M/A/S/H/ returns to this list with a special bottle for Redheads Wine. A collaboration with Redheads Studio yielded a bottle called “Return of the Living Red”– a simple, provocative design with a throwback to classic horror films. Because zombies need something to wash the brain down with.


As long as you don’t store these wines in your garage (especially next to the turpentine), you’re in for a tasty treat of packaging design. The Mini Garage Wines and Brandies by Anthony Hammond have a literal conception– Hammond’s wine is produced in a former tractor shop in Germany. When we move to the suburbs, I am so getting a workbench in the garage...with a glass rack.




A quick glance at these bottles instantly communicates this winery’s main value– three generations of expertise. The Matsu Organic Wine bottles show the history of this wine from grandfather to grandson, showing the focus this family has put into its grape over these generations. My plan is to start off with the young hottie and move down the line. I'm pretty sure by the third bottle that Grandpa starts looking like George Clooney.




An instant classic, the Boarding Pass Shiraz label is one of the most creative theme-based designs in recent years. The front label is essentially a boarding pass with the travel details replaces with information about the wine. I can only imagine the line for the restroom on that flight.





The best part about B Frank Wine’s label is the part you add yourself. If it’s time for a heart-to-heart with a friend, co-worker or lover, this is the bottle you want to have handy. Just be frank, speak your mind and get it out in the open. This design is the work of Talia Cohen for the B Frank digital marketing agency. I think this would be even better if people had to fill in the label AFTER the contents were gone...although most times it would probably just say "becaush I loves ya man..."



Designer Raya Ivanovskaya has put a wealth of cultural flavor into the Vine Parma Wine design. Wrapping around this bottle are hieroglyphics, totems and a mystic language telling tales of times past. Thank goodness there is finally something to bring to that next voodoo ritual I'm invited too. The chickens were becoming cumbersome.


While this label may be a tough read for the layman, its design is strikingly attractive to those who cannot understand its language. The Lazarus Wine bottle features a label printed in big, bold braille with either a black or yellow background. If a blind man drinks this, do the girls still get prettier?


All you need to get to know a good wine is to take a slow, calculated and careful sip. Very Chic Wine hopes to make an impression before you sample with this attractive, floral-inspired packaging. Because nothing says Klassy like a wine bottle you can slip into your tampon carrying case...just sayin.

Pretentious Art Post

Berlin-based artist Hans Hemmert (famous for his work with balloons) threw a party where guests wore shoe-extenders to make them all the same height of 2 meters. Aside from bringing the partygoers all to a common eye level (and eliminating the awkward postures of party talk between the tall and the short), the gathering is lent an infographic nature by the shoes: all made from blue foam, the person's real height is read in the visual uniformity of the sole instead of at the head—like a walking bar graph.

This (completely underpublished) project, entitled "Level," is from 1997, produced for the Personal Absurdities show at the Galerie Gebauer Berlin. Finding it now, in 2010, I can't help but read it as a design event, getting directly at the basic qualities that shape our interactions with others—what does it mean when we all share one height?

Hans Hemmert is part of the art collective Inges Idee. Check out their site for more amazing projects in public space.

AnOTHeR ExCuSe FoR NoT BLoGGiNG

If New York City was a dryer full of germs, my children would be the lint trap because THEY CATCH EVERYTHING. Currently they both have a great combo stomach flu/high fever thing that has kept them home EVEN THOUGH SPRING VACATION IS OVER.

Yes. They were home for Spring Break... AND THEY ARE STILL HOME.

Pray For Me People. The days are so long.

Handmade Spring Finds

Hip Hip Hooray
Put your puffy coats away!
Winter is done, Spring's finally here
Let's all give a great big cheer...
After this weekend full of eggs
It's finally time I shave my legs.

Here are some handmade goodies from Etsy, celebrating the fact that it's time to pull the old capris out of the box.

Meadow Treasures Sparrow Egg Nest $24.95 from HollyFerencze.


Flower pot metal wall sculpture $38.00 Frivolous Tendencies


Gardenia Poppy Flower Soap $5.00 by Sunbasilgarden


Julilet Earrings with vintage German cameos in crown settings $14.00 from Laralewis


Moss terrrarium $36.00 by Betty's Fantasy


April Showers 5 x 5 print $9.99 by Cindimh2

Happy Spring, Chickens!